‘I dont know if I want to see you again’

[Monstera1111]

I went on a first date last night - after about 2/3 weeks of endless messaging backwards and forwards (I know). - using dating apps, both in 30s.

he ended up staying over after a couple of drinks in bar (I know) and we had sex (I know). He was getting ready for work this morning and I said are you wanting to do something again? He was like ‘i dont know’ - I laughed and said ‘so thats a no then’ and he went silent.

i just assume he was looking for sex / I wasnt what he thought in the end but was too polite to say. Aibu?

just leaving it now - I like the mumsnet advice of block and delete and I might do that here tbh. He knew full well I was looking for a long term thing and would not have had sex if it was just casual. So annoying!!!!!!

I know I mentioned earlier that it's worth you thinking about whether you're in the right headspace for dating and based on your most recent posts I think that's really worth you considering to keep yourself safe.

You mention him having choked (then told you that you're wrong not to like it basically) you almost as an afterthought / secondary issue when really it's scary you wanted to see him again after that, as if you aren't worth being treated better than someone choking you during sex with no prior discussion and no consent

Sounds as if you have had a lucky escape. Is there a way to find out if he has a police record. Abuse of ex etc?

After your recent update I'd say you're well rid and he sounds v similar to 'my' guy! 🤢

hmmm the choking thing - he did not do it hard and it was no normalised - he basically said all woman like it during sex (the ones he has been with) and was even surprised I questioned him about it??

i didnt feel unsafe with him but I think its a sign that alot of these guys are fairly porn sick - regardless of age.

tbh the drip feed is because I only messaged on mumsnet when he left the flat and the shock of it all is just coming to light as I am messaging and thinking about it all

i was crying when he left which is very telling that something was not right with this interaction and he knew i was crying and i slammed the door behind him

God kate i hope its not the same guy
you are not in scotland are you

shoukd i report him for the choking

You cam use claires law?? But thats for current partners

No it's definitely not the same guy 😆 but mine is 50 so you'd hope wouldn't be so 'porn sick'. But it seems the majority are.

Choking is a big no-no, especially without a conversation.
What a knob.

Why would she use Claire’s law when she isn’t going to be seeing or dating him again?

Yes i thought it was just if you kept dating
hes blocked on everything
my flat is very secure four locks alarm and double entrance

he wont be back 😅😅😅

He's basically just mirrored what some women probably write in their profile, words are cheap, go on actions, not words. With OLD you either win, or you learn.

I told him ive never had it happen to me before?? This is what i meant earlier when I said i felt a bit gaslit - but couldnt put it into words - like this was more than a guy just wanting something casual do you know what i mean?? It seemed seedy

Hahahahaa....

Wait, sorry, were you actually serious?? Behave. That utter bullshit.

I think if a bloke gets a shag on the first date, not that it should be this way but a lot of them don't respect us in the morning.

It was good enough for him to want it twice.

But this is another reason not to have sex with men on the first date, are putting you self in a really dangerous situation and it’s not safe despite what people are saying about it “doesn’t matter how long you wait” it’s the safety aspect as well

But many also won’t be bothered to put the effort in and move onto the next target for a quick shag. It does cut down the ‘leave after shag brigade’ but obviously doesn’t cut them out.
if you are after a LTR get to know them better before sex - if you don’t mind sex being no strings then obvs it’s fine to do that as soon as you like

I did have the similar happen quite a lot over twenty years ago, but then I used to offer myself on a plate more than the average woman maybe would've at that time. Almost literally throw myself at guys. They'd be like 'well, that's a bonus' then go sooner or later after they'd used me for sex, either for the night or over several weeks. I let a lot of them use me.

Good for you.

You did nothing wrong. Look after yourself today - take away and nice glass of wine.

He knew full well I was looking for a long term thing and would not have had sex if it was just casual.

More to the point, you knew full well you were looking for a long-term thing, but had sex with him on the first date - which is the very essence of casual!

he did that choking thing that i have never had done before too?? I asked him what be was doing he was like woman love it?? I was like i have never had a guy do that before?? Maybe be was just a porn sicko 🤢🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

oh my HOF you have had a lucky escape. As pp said look after yourself today.

God not HOF!

I don't remember it being like this either but it seems so common now.
Men 'dating' for a few weeks/months and as soon as they get what they want, they move on to the next unfortunate woman.
Vile.

As for the choking thing... Not normal.

This. He did nothing wrong.

As usual, if a man posted this about a woman there would be cries of "She owes you nothing and how dare you assume otherwise."