To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

I would have laughed and walked out of the baguette shop and not paid for one more thing in that case.
She really has seen you coming, and is taking your kindness as weakness. You have offered to help but set a boundary of cheap options, and in turn she is finding every way to extract as much from that as she can. Your not expecting her to pick the cheapest thing, but by picking the most expensive thing it's like she's sticking two finger straight up at you. She's taking the Piss. She's behaving like a spoilt teenager out with mum not a grown arsed woman with her friend.

OP- forgive me for saying this but grow a freaking backbone. She is USING you- cant you see this? what kind of person does this?- would you do this? how would you feel if someone did this to a friend of yours?- my guess is you'd be livid and yet you are meekly buying her steak sandwiches. Just STOP IT- you are being screwed and basically bending over at this point.

Give her a small daily cash allowance for food and thats it. Stop allowing her to treat you like garbage. If you dont take a stand now, this will set a pattern of being used for a long time afterwards and then you will look back and wonder why people never value you.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry

Angry about what exactly? She knew how much money she took, so is she surprised she can't afford anything? Or whose fault is it in her opinion?

I can't believe people think it's ok to go abroad with no contingency money in this day and age. Did you at least get holiday cover?

It's because she's taking it for granted the OP will pay, and so far it's worked.

The OP shouldn’t have to economise or have a peppercorn budget because her CF friend has pulled a stunt!

Have you ever tried to change your ticket last minute. It can cost an absolute fortune

If you’re going to sub somebody, better to give them a round lump at the start - eg £100 and say it’s all you can give and that you want it back on payday. Then it’s up to her to budget her £50 and if she wants steak sandwiches fine but she does so in the knowledge that when the money’s gone it’s gone.
Now you only have 2 days left can you add up what you’ve given her already, give her the chance from £100 and tell her it’s to last until you get home?

Can I come on holiday with you OP? You are weak and being taken advantage of.

Just tell her you are not paying for her,fall out over it,she is not a friend.It sounds as if you hardly know her.

It goes without saying that she will NEVER pay you back.

You should be angry with yourself,you are the one at fault.

*change

Leave her and go off on your own! Please don't be a doormat. This was all calculated. You cannot tell me she hasn't one friend or family member that will not send her some cash if she is not eating abroad and broke. It'll happen very quickly once you stop subsidising her.

As pp said, the friendship is over anyway.

+1.
Also I bet you will never hear from her again after this weekend. She will move on to her next victim.

*I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend,*

Basically this person is a stranger. You have no idea who she is. I suspect that she is flaky and a user and doesn’t have long standing friendships and that’s why she targeted you.

What’s your background that it’s appropriate to indulge these manipulative types?

I am shocked that you posted on here and then chose to continue funding her and being bitter.

What are you scared of?

Will you continue this “friendship” when you return home?

Does being assertive, stating preferences and being boundaried with consequences overwhelm you and feel like conflict or confrontation?

No one is holding a gun to your head here to empty your bank account and enable the atrocious behaviour of this character.

Know that she targeted you as a soft touch.

'This is ridiculous. You are screwing me over and using me. I will not be paying a single penny more towards you for this trip, I suggest you arrange some funds from F&F at home. This is not how you should treat your friends.'

There you go.

Don't pay for anything else! You won't see it.

Seriously, just ditch her.

Wait until she's in the shower, pack your bags and leave. I'm sure you can find a cheap hotel somewhere to stay in Berlin or a cheap flight home.

There's no way I'd give her a 100 euros or whatever others are suggesting. It's madness. You'll be dealing with her shitty attitude for the rest of the trip.

@Snoopsnoggysnog I know but honestly the poor OP is going to be paying for steak sandwiches and the most expensive drink on the menu every time on this weekend - I think I'd rather go home and spend money on that rather than subsidise this awful awful person.

What I mean is I wouldn't stay there or leave your stuff there. She might be crazy. She might steal your stuff. She's a con artist. I really do think you're better off out of there.

If you’re sharing a room with her, wait until she is in the shower, them leave for the day, leaving a note saying have a great day!

Either have a very frank conversation that you will lend friend X amount of Euros to be paid back on payday because you cannot afford to subsidise her or ditch her and go off on your own !!
I would have had a discussion about spending money beforehand TBH !
I hope you enjoy the weekend.X

I'd have it out with her personally -not in a screaming and shouting way, but an honest chat. The sandwich situation for example. I'd have said 'I can't afford that; I'm already paying for you and am on a budget now because of that'. If she stropped and said she wasn't eating more fool her.
Sit down and tell her you hadn't booked this holiday with the knowledge you would be subbing her the whole time and can't afford to do so. If you had you wouldn't have agreed to come and it has ruined the break for you. You can be honest! She can either go to a supermarket and buy herself some budget rations for drinks/snacks or ask a parent to put some money in her account if possible. She needs to pack in the moaning and temper (nobody else to blame but herself) and join in with the sightseeing or sit in the hotel while you go out.
If it breaks the friendship (which I imagine it already has really) then so what.

As I said earlier it’s not about specifically the money - it’s her mood and attitude which is enough on its own to call it a day and move on from. The OP has already invested hundreds in the trip - tossing 10, 30, 100, 300 at this character will not change the mood……because the damage has been done, trust broken and disrespect will continue throughout with OP becoming increasingly preoccupied and bitter.

She should salvage the hundreds she put into the trip by dumping the friend here and now and make the most of it in her own.

She has a targeted you as a soft touch, because you ARE a soft touch.

Why are you letting her use you like this?

The biggest issue here is your lack of self esteem and assertiveness.

Doormats are easy targets.

Jesus Christ, supermarkets are open today (not tomorrow!!) They all sell baguettes, sliced cheese, sliced ham, apples, bananas etc. Fricking steak sarnie for 10eur!!!!!

Fucking hell. Can't believe this thread.