To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

If she genuinely has no access to money herself (no credit card, no overdraft faculty) or from any of her friends and family that can lend her £50 then let's be honest there is pretty much zero chance of her repaying any loan to you OP.

I would say that you feel she is expecting you to pay for her spending money on the holiday (without even OKing this in advance) which you think is super disrespectful and you are not prepared to do. Tell her this is not the holiday that you agreed to have with her and that you feel pretty let down.

I would ask her if there are any free activities she is planning and if you like the sound of them you can do them together. If not, do you own thing.

If she has €10 left and is not planning on eating in order to spend the money on other things tell her clearly that she may wish to prioritise differently as you will not be buying her food.

I expect she will not starve for 3 days and will find another way to eat. It's not your responsibility to solve the problem. OP and she is not your friend.

Money you have spent on her so far is a write off, I think that is obvious. How much have you spent so far?

Stop buying her stuff

It's not your job to subsidise her. She knew the trip was coming up so should have prepared and made sure she had enough funds. Will she be paying you back for what you've spent on her so far? She does sound a freeloading CF.

If you do lend her money, insist that she writes you a text or e-mail acknowledging the loan, with the amount written down, and a promise to pay it back by a certain date. And if you're feeling bolshie and brave, tell her that if she doesn't pay you back you will pursue her via the small claims court using the written evidence. What a CF!

Lending the odd £5 or £10 here and there over a trip is such an annoying way to do it as you probably won’t ever get it back.

I would either lend her nothing, or ask her if she wants to borrow a specific amount (eg: £50) after agreeing to pay it back as soon as she gets paid. Footing the bill on an ad-hoc basis without her explicitly saying she’ll pay it back or keeping a log of how much she owes just means she probably won’t pay.

Agreed, you need to have a frank conversation about what's going on here.

I would download the Tricount app https://www.tricount.com/en/
Put in what you have spent on her so far, and show her that. Say that you can cover her for essentials on condition that she pays you back when she gets paid. Say you don't have enough money yourself to pay for things like souvenirs. If she's not totally cooperative and grateful, zip up your purse and take yourself off on your own for the last couple of days.

I made an agreement that I would pay for her meals, cheap places like a baguette or McDonald’s etc but not souvenirs, but each time we are going anywhere I feel like she’s deliberately picking the most expensive menu items.

We just went for a sandwich at a bakery for example lots of choices tuna, ham, cheese, salmon all around 6 euro- but she picked the steak one at 10 euro! Agh! I feel like I’m being pedantic.

Stop funding her immediately; you're never going to see any of that money again. Or her, most likely.

Tell her to call family and ask them to put money in her account that she can pay them back for. Or go to the airport and try to change her ticket to go home earlier if she doesn't have a credit card, but you're not going to pay for her holiday as you can't afford to pay for someone else.

She planned this, btw. She knew she didn't have any spending money at all and came anyway, assuming you'd be guilted into paying her way. And then she'll be off and you'll be out of money.

Just say no.

I would say you've nearly run out of money covering her costs so whatever is left you need to keep for yourself and simply say "can you ask any family or friends to lend you some money?"

Could you offer to lend her a set amount until she gets paid Monday. That way you aren’t just paying for things all the time without ever getting paid back?

otherwise, ditch her and enjoy yourself. You have paid to be there!

Blimey, op, In the nicest possible way, you're being a mug. It's your friend's responsibility to make sure she has cash for holiday. Why should you sub her? She's a new friend too, not an old friend you know you can trust.

She's a CF.

Why why why?!?!?! Why are you still funding her! Stop!!!

Oh op why did you do that ? Now I know she’s a complete cf you can’t do that for 4 days .

She's taking the piss and you're letting her I don't know what you want us to say? Tell her no she can't have a sarnie costing 10 euro

Honestly OP, the weekend would be ruined for me. Cut your losses, change your ticket and go home.

Check your forehead in a mirror.
Does it have WELCOME printed on it?
Cos you sound like a doormat

Don't pay for anything ffs! It's her fault she hasn't brought enough money!

And eat in Mac Donald's or similar ! Don't give her any money at all!

How rude of her. I would be really struggling to be polite by now.

She was always planning to be a CF and have you funding her trip.
Ask her directly how she was planning to manage on 12.50 per day, what was her plan?

You will not see the money or this 'friend' again, unless you keep paying for the pleasure. When you went for those cocktails, did she pay her share or kept also forgetting her wallet?

Not exactly an enjoyable trip, is it?
Whatever you've spent on her, you'll never get back. She was just expecting you to sub her trip.
Apart from anything else, she has no contingency plan for an emergency. Stuff happens.

Did you not say anything when she ordered an expensive sandwich? Stop being a mug op- she's using you!

Surely anyone on a tight budget doesn't get a made up sandwich for €6 or €10. Why do people not go to a shop and by bread and ham or whatever. I know it's not the point of the story but if money is tight then you're doing a bad job of economising.

Just ditch her. Berlin is amazing. You could easily have an amazing time on your own and if you do a bit of internet research you could find nice bars etc where you're bound to meet other holiday makers and you could end up having the most amazing time. That's exactly what I'd do if I were single and on holiday in Berlin!