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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

694 replies

Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 07:39

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

OP posts:
BobLemon · 25/04/2022 21:23

WibblyWobblyJane · 25/04/2022 20:48

Excellent point! She should be buying OP a coffee.

Was it a Tuesday she was getting paid on?

Scooby5kids · 25/04/2022 21:33

Once you get your money back (if you get it back ) I think you should be very honest with her about how she has spoilt your entire trip ☹️

Scooby5kids · 25/04/2022 21:37

gettingolderandgrumpy · 25/04/2022 20:40

I thought she got paid today? so she could use her card at the airport to buy herself and you a coffee . If she says she needs a coffee say that to her . Do not buy her anything!

It's ridiculous. Even if she hasn't got paid, surely she must have an emergency overdraft. If she's getting paid tomorrow it's not like she'd be charged much

doadeer · 25/04/2022 21:54

So she spent all the extra money and is now moaning again? I couldn't be friends with someone this annoying.

Has she ever been like this before on a smaller scale when you went out?

Did you manage to do anything nice for yourself on your trip?

This will at least make a funny story down the line about what a ridiculous woman you went to Berlin with!

doadeer · 25/04/2022 21:54

So she spent all the extra money and is now moaning again? I couldn't be friends with someone this annoying.

Has she ever been like this before on a smaller scale when you went out?

Did you manage to do anything nice for yourself on your trip?

This will at least make a funny story down the line about what a ridiculous woman you went to Berlin with!

Indicatrice · 25/04/2022 22:08

How does she have the cheek to show animosity to you?

Well done for not getting her a coffee.

and get ready to hound her for the money she owes you once you’re back.

MadeForThis · 25/04/2022 22:35

I can't wait to hear what excuse she comes up with tomorrow. Make sure she knows exactly how much she owes you before you part ways.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/04/2022 22:42

Well done for not buying her coffee.
I hope you managed to enjoy seeing Berlin
Remind her to transfer your money tomorrow

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 25/04/2022 22:43

I thought she was getting paid on Monday? It's monday. She got paid hours ago.

She can use her debit card to buy a coffee. And withdraw the money she owes you.

oakleaffy · 25/04/2022 23:00

Well done , OP for not buying the Scrounging blagger a coffee.
Hope you get your money back from the shameless hustler.

Roo4u · 26/04/2022 06:48

@JingsMahBucket I told her I'd taken out what she owed me and she didn't say a word

Aeroporto · 26/04/2022 06:59

She (CF) definitely said when hinting about the €40 perfume for her mum she got paid Monday so it should have definitely been her buying the coffees yesterday! I hope you've been keeping notes on your phone with a record of everything you paid for her OP! Or check your online banking and send her screenshots so there can be no comeback on her part about what she owes. Even if you do get it back no further friendship can surely continue here!? Even without the money aspect of it her attitude “don’t cause a scene, I’ll just not eat” etc etc comes across as a total cheeky chancer, not a good friend!

tomatoandherbs · 26/04/2022 07:32

Someone like the OP is going to go through life feeling bitter
because this will happen over and over again
people will latch onto her as sense weakness
but the OP will derive pleasure from the martyrdom she feels

so it’s a win win really for all parties involved!

FairWindClearSailing · 26/04/2022 07:45

What a horrible position she has put you in, she sounds like a parasitical nightmare.

Hope you're home now and don't have to have anything to do with her ever again (after you get your money back that is..)

Don't let this sour your view of Berlin though, go back in difference circumstances. Berlin is an amazing city.

rookiemere · 26/04/2022 07:53

@tomatoandherbs I think that's a bit unfair. OP
Is - I think- in her 30s and clearly nothing like this has happened before.

I'm not altogether sure what I'd do in those circumstances, particularly when sharing a room.

I know what cynical old 52 year old me would do, but that's a bit different.

I don't think OP will find herself in the same scenario again.

Dancingmoonlight · 26/04/2022 08:28

tomatoandherbs · 26/04/2022 07:32

Someone like the OP is going to go through life feeling bitter
because this will happen over and over again
people will latch onto her as sense weakness
but the OP will derive pleasure from the martyrdom she feels

so it’s a win win really for all parties involved!

Firstly, I was put in a situation I least expected. A situation non of my friends (bar this woman) have ever put me in before even family. I won’t let it happen again but it’s the bloody first time so some slack please!

As I’ve said before, i try to be a reasonably decent person and I’ll never begrudge buying someone a coffee or a tea, or even a sandwich if they were short on cash.

the bitterness has come from the fact that she came to the airport and to the holiday with no means of funding anything under the guise that I would just cover it.

OP posts:
Dancingmoonlight · 26/04/2022 08:31

Aeroporto · 26/04/2022 06:59

She (CF) definitely said when hinting about the €40 perfume for her mum she got paid Monday so it should have definitely been her buying the coffees yesterday! I hope you've been keeping notes on your phone with a record of everything you paid for her OP! Or check your online banking and send her screenshots so there can be no comeback on her part about what she owes. Even if you do get it back no further friendship can surely continue here!? Even without the money aspect of it her attitude “don’t cause a scene, I’ll just not eat” etc etc comes across as a total cheeky chancer, not a good friend!

Yep, she got paid yesterday and at the airport kept saying about how she didn’t want to use her card because of extra charges etc. she sat there for around 4 and a half hours with no drink or food. I didn’t give in.

now to wait and see if I get repaid, it’s been deadly silence from her since we got home

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 26/04/2022 08:34

You are not going to be repaid. I can tell you that for nothing. Her silence indicates to me that she will try to justify not paying you back because you were unkind to her, and she will rewrite the whole thing that you let her starve and suffer. I would be prepared to lose that money and take it as a life lesson. Sorry op, it sounds awful!! Gin

Eggshelly · 26/04/2022 08:36

Yep, she got paid yesterday and at the airport kept saying about how she didn’t want to use her card because of extra charges etc. she sat there for around 4 and a half hours with no drink or food. I didn’t give in. how can she not feel so embarrassed by her actions! I would keep demanding repayment every day until you get your money. She is absolute scum.

rookiemere · 26/04/2022 08:37

@Dancingmoonlight well done for not caving at the airport.
If it was a genuine cash shortage she'd have been falling over herself to buy you coffee and food, not moaning about costs.
Ask for the money- send her a breakdown. You'll likely never see it again but if you persistently harass her you may get a token 50 euros to get you off her back.

HikingforScenery · 26/04/2022 08:39

Dancingmoonlight · 26/04/2022 08:31

Yep, she got paid yesterday and at the airport kept saying about how she didn’t want to use her card because of extra charges etc. she sat there for around 4 and a half hours with no drink or food. I didn’t give in.

now to wait and see if I get repaid, it’s been deadly silence from her since we got home

Have you asked her to pay you back since you got back? She’ll conveniently forget so there’s no point you waiting. Just ask simply and then leave it up to her.

IncompleteSenten · 26/04/2022 08:39

Don't wait for her to contact you.
Message her with your bank details.
Please put the £x you owe me into my bank account

I doubt you'll get it. I suspect you'll get complaints about how rude you were and how your attitude ruined the holiday but hopefully I'm wrong and she'll pay up and thank you.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 26/04/2022 08:47

tomatoandherbs · 26/04/2022 07:32

Someone like the OP is going to go through life feeling bitter
because this will happen over and over again
people will latch onto her as sense weakness
but the OP will derive pleasure from the martyrdom she feels

so it’s a win win really for all parties involved!

Don’t be ridiculous. Are you the CF friend?

there’s absolutely no way the OP has derived any pleasure from this situation. Has definitely learnt a life lesson, yes, but the CF friend is completely in the wrong here.

nzeire · 26/04/2022 08:49

How
bloody
awful!!!

what a horrible experience!

Snog · 26/04/2022 08:51

OP I don't understand why you didn't get her to take the money out of the cashpoint to repay you whilst you were together.