To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

Is her name Anna Delvey?

Could you calculate what you have spent on her already and then make it up to 100 Euros, giving her the remainder. That way she owes you a fixed sum - 100 Euros - to be returned on payday and you can chase her for that. Otherwise, there is little chance you'll recover the drip drip of 'loans' you're making.

Hope you can enjoy the remainder of your trip. Probably not a friendship to cherish when you're home.

If that last bit is aimed at me, yes, I would do that because that’s how I travel cheaply!! I wouldn’t see her starve (peanut butter sandwiches are filling and nutritious), but why the fuck should OP be responsible for coffees and steak sandwiches and ice cream? Jesus, that doesn’t make me hard, it makes me sensible and not a mug! OP will not get any of her money back. No one is owed coffees and ice creams! Friend should’ve proactively said ‘I’ve only a little money so I’ll get some supplies from the supermarket and manage for myself, sorry I can’t eat out with you’

That anyone thinks OP should spend her money on treats for this person is unbelievable. The ‘friend’ has treated OP appallingly. She’s in her 30’s, not a defenceless child. I couldn’t let her starve (not that she would in a weekend anyway), but is SHE had gone to the supermarket to buy simple food like that she could’ve managed fine. OP never should’ve paid a penny.

Haha @ThreeLocusts I lived in Germany and would get teased for adding in all the flowery qualifiers that the English language uses instead of being straight to the point. We see being so direct as rude, they see it as wasting people’s time not being direct. Plus amusingly weird as German isn’t used like that 😂

We haven’t spoken since. It’s been around 4 years now.

the holiday was for DCs birthday. She ruined her grandchild’s birthday.

Haha
Already the pay you back on Monday (when you are still together) has changed to Tuesday (when you are not).

There is zero chance you will see your money again OP. This scammer knows you don't want to feel uncomfortable and are willing to pay her not to make you feel uncomfortable. If she continues to make you uncomfortable then you open your purse again.

Scam me once, shame on you, scam me twice...

This woman has other options for money for sure but it's easier to get it from you. As you are unwilling to make a stand this will happen to you throughout your life I'm sure. OP how have you got to your 30s without realising that some people are users and will play you if you let them?

You’re a better person than I am…. When she rocked up at the airport pleading poverty I would have said straight away that I can’t sub you and did she feel she really could go away at all….

You’ve given her enough, and she could get her mum or her boyfriend to transfer money into her account. She won’t because she knows you will sub her and of course you won’t see that money again….

Tell her she has ruined your break by her behaviour, and you are not a bank. Don’t pay for anything else. Leave the room while she’s in the bathroom, and spend the day doing what you want to do. She is in her 30’s for goodness sake!
She has access to money if she chooses, remember that, and remember how she has ruined your break.

I think I would actually look at flying home early just to get away from her.

You’re a better person than I am…. When she rocked up at the airport pleading poverty I would have said straight away that I can’t sub you and did she feel she really could go away at all….

^ me too. This isn't how a friend shot treat you OP. A genuine friend would be mortified they'd fucked up their budgeting and apologetic at having to ask to borrow money after exhausting other options.

I'd get her to go behind me in a queue and tell whoever the shop keeper is that she is paying.
You're not causing the scene, she would be. Because she is a cheapskate.

If she is a 'friend' perhaps check out her phone for her mother/sister/brother's contact number and then, when you know you're back home and you're unlikely to get the money back, you contact them. You lay it straight and tell them that if they don't pay up, that you're going to take your 'friend' to the Small Claims court.

Hope today is slightly better.

"you don't want to feel uncomfortable and are willing to pay her not to make you feel uncomfortable. If she continues to make you uncomfortable then you open your purse again." - @Snog

This is so insightful I let out a small gasp.

OP if you don't insist she pay you back Monday, there is truly no hope for you.

You’ll not see a penny of that cash back i’m sorry to say. What a CF of a so called friend. Tell her you are out of cash too and she’ll have to ask someone else. Try and salvage something nice to do on your own for the rest of your time in Berlin xx

It baffles me how anyone would go away with 60 euro for a weekend in Berlin. It's a capital city and not cheap. 280 euro is not really enough either to be comfortable or even allow for anything unplanned. You both sound a bit miserable. I reckon save up properly and enjoy your next trip away without this kind of worry. You'd be better off at home.

Tell her to do one and leave her to it.

Any update @Dancingmoonlight?

Let's face it. When you return to the UK you won't contact her again so why bother being nice to this sponging user.

I'd deliberately start buying expensive stuff in front of her, and bragging about it. She's a cheeky fucker who expected to use you as a bank for her trip. She should have planned better or got a credit card if it was that important to buy stuff. This is all on her.

I wonder if she thinks this what holidays are - she's only ever been on them as a child and with a romantic partner, so she's been paid for her whole life and is now baffled at the notion that she'll have to cover herself.

Or she thought she could blag it. That you were a pushover.

What an experience :( Definitely don't give her anymore!

Being away from home with no money is hell. Only you will know how much you can trust her to lend her some. does she not have a credit card? it sounds bizarre. but trying to make you feel guilty by drooling over a perfume her mum would like is somewhat pushing it. And Berlin is such a great cityand the best bits are the bars and cool restaurants. what a shame. You must keep us updated.

I’d not be paying out a single cent more

she absolutely won’t pay you back. You know this

she is shameless and the steak sandwich is an insult! Don’t buy her anything else - if she’s hungry she can call someone to lend her money but it’s not going to be you.

You’ll never see your money backZ she isn’t (or ever was apparently) your friend

Sounds awful and very awkward, willbe surprised if she comes up with the money to pay you back on tuesday!

I put YABU because you are being unreasonable to sub her. Cheeky fucker she is!

Had my share of so called friends (most of whom do / did have the money) pleading poverty on holidays and nights out and then having champagne tastes when they believed they could get away with it, so would have left her to it. I've had the guilt trip pulled on me and it didn't work and I made it clear that if you can't afford it, you can't have it. I have (and do) treated friends who've genuinely not had the means to even pop out to the cinema or grab a coffee and that's different, that's my choice and based on real friendship, but I do not take kindly to those that think that by making me feel guilty I'd pay for them!
As you were temporarily stuck together I'd have given her enough money to go to a supermarket and stock up on cheap carbs, making it clear that's it so make it last, and then left her whilst I explored the City.

Interested to see what happened!

You're not being unreasonable. You've been put in an awkward situation due to no fault of your own. Any normal adult would have planned and budgeted for the trip. Maybe she's a bit of a spoiled brat?

Some people in life are takers, and she is clearly one of them, expecting you (or anyone) to sub them, sort them out, and get them out of tricky situations. You don't need a friend like that, she is using you for money.

As others have said, be clear that you've only brought enough money for you, that you can lend her a few more Euro's for food, but that's it. The accommodation is paid for so she can stay there or go see some of the many free sights if she wants. You can go off and enjoy yourself as you hoped/planned.

Ditch her when you get back, life's too short to waste it on people like that.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Berlin, it's such a lovely, interesting place.

OMG...you could lend her money, then you'll feel better and if she doesn't pay it back, then you can take it from there.