To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

Don't give her any more money.

She's been so ungrateful- to accuse you of making a scene, as if its your fault that she didn't budget accordingly and was expecting you to pay her way! Fuck that. That's on her, it's not your problem.
Get up really early tomorrow and go
off by yourself for the day.
She is not your responsibility, you've lent her enough and as many of us have predicted- I also believe you will not be getting any of this money back.

And what then if she spends the £35 on food and snacks in the morning and then is skint by afternoon? Will you then be obligated to pay for her because she will otherwise go hungry and you can't stand her watching you as you enter a stall?

She can get the money from her boyfriend. Don't give her any more.

Do your own thing tomorrow.

Shitting hell... she told you that she can't ask her mum and told you it to make a scene???!!!

And you're going to give her more money???!!!

Oh OP, why?
Just why?

And I'm sorry to say this, but I think that when she dropped the bombshell at the departure airport, if you'd said "oh heck, I only have €70 myself" then she'd have miraculously remembered that she was due a payment into her account that day, leery me check, oh wow yes I have another €50, oh dear I hope you can make your €70 last the weekend". She would not have entertained you doing too her what she's doing to you.

Sorry.. 'not to make a scene.'

Don’t make a scene is straight out of the ‘Inventing Ana’ playbook!

She'll have done this sort of thing before. Her behaviour is appalling.

I think giving 35 Euros is a good idea. It's enough for cheap food so puts the onus on her to spend wisely or starve. You can then crack on and salvage as much of the weekend as you can on your own. Berlin is great for people watching over a coffee and wandering around on your own.

Just remind yourself that you'll never have to see her again after you return (write off the money in your head now for peace of mind) and know that this will make a great anecdote in the future.

It's all such a crock of shit. She can ask her boyfriend, surely.

I think she'll twist all this when you get back to make out you were somehow unreasonable. These types always exceed your worst expectations of them.

She really has been outrageous and of course it’s ruined your trip. But honestly people just don’t do this but you know that.

it’s beyond awful that she has expected you to fund her basic provisions, let alone hint and sulk at bigger purchases.

You just now need to get to the end and get back home. Obviously tell her how much she owes you as well, but somehow someone who has had the brass neck to expect you to fund her without any prior discussion isn’t looking as a good bet to repay what she owes.

She really has behaved in the most appalling manner so let it wash over you any hinting or sulking as you really can’t have a friendship with her after this. The atmosphere must be awful for you. It’s just unbelievable that she thinks this is ok, and even has the temerity to get stroppy over things.

What am I reading?!!!!! OP, how can you even speak to this manipulator!

Don't make a scene!? I'm actually shocked at her sense of entitlement. This all boils down to one thing, I'm afraid: she has no respect for you. I'm sorry you have been used like this.

I'm stunned!
Don't you dare feel bad/guilty/awkward about the situation!! She has caused this all herself and should feel ashamed! Not you.
Don't give her another penny of your money.

I would eat in front of her and watch her salivate like a dog! Maybe offer her the last bite

Get up really early tomorrow and go
off by yourself for the day.

I would be inclined to do this as well.

Bloody hell, how does she have the nerve to behave like this?

I think I'd just get up before she does and have a nice day on your own

i voted YANBU

i don’t understand the 2% that voted otherwise 😂unless your ‘friend’ found this thread of course!!

What a nightmare. Berlin isn’t cheap. It’s so awkward for you too because you have to stick it out until your flight home or suffer the fallout now. I don’t envy you this OP, I really don’t.

The same thing happened to me in Berlin. Friend had not a lot of money so wanted
to sit in a pub persuading German men to buy her drinks. I wanted to see the city and be a tourist so I left her there and wandered around myself and had a lovely time. The whole trip was fraught with niggles and we never really recovered our friendship afterwards. She went to another city with a another friend and did the exact same thing to them too.

it’ll be over soon.

Don't make a scene is outrageous.

I'd make a fucking scene....
And tomorrow I'd be going off on my own and tough shit if she has no money. Sure she'll find a bit somewhere to get a sandwich somewhere.

OP with you spending money on her she’s actually pretty even with you on how much you have overall.
She’s spent €58 plus you are lending her €35 = €93 plus her €70 = €163.
You had €280 less the €93 to CF friend = €187. Overall that’s only a €24 difference.
Therefore if she mentions how much more you have than her then I would be like ‘Well I did until I had to give you €100!’

Make sure you hound her for your money back! If she gets paid Monday, therefore you get your €100 back Monday! Make a scene! It’s not like we want to continue this friendship anyway!

Oh OP, this sounds hideous, I think that you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation. The sooner it's over, the better!

Don't lend her money! Do not subsidise her! Part company now. Your "friendship" is at an end (she was never your friend, by the way). I would call it quits and come home unless there is a good reason why you want to be in Berlin.

Oh I’m angry on your behalf. I went on holiday with my mother. We knew for a year we were going. I’d be militant about saving for the 7days. Put aside £1k for petrol, activities, food and drink for 2 people with no intention of really cooking for the week.

mother only bought £300 for the week inc petrol. She got really irate me and DC were happily doing various activities and I was able to buy me and DC decent ish meals and souvenirs for the week. Not always with her mind. So not ‘showing off’ that she forced us home early because she was ‘broke’. No, she failed to plan accordingly.

im still angry about my holiday being cut short and ruined by a lazy mare who refused to save and wanted to wing it.

me and DC came home with iver half the savings so we did some day trips and lunches at home instead.
still angry though.

Fuck me OP, you are a better person than me. I would absolutely not be giving her ANY money allowance for the last few days, especially after the unapologetic and sulky behaviour after you bringing it up. Disgraceful. If the reaction had been different then maybe.
The friendship is done. You won't get the money back. Don't give her any more. She can ask her mum who she can owe the money to instead. Be angry back! It's you that's had their weekend wasted, been taken for a ride, had to put up with sulking and stropping. I wouldn't be entertaining doing anything with her tomorrow either. I know you don't want to make it awkward but it's already there; get up before her and go out. Get yourself a peaceful breakfast and do some touristy bits alone, buy what you want and look around.

but I’m also sort of confused! None of this surely has been enjoyable for her? The waiting to see if I’ll pay for her food, the animosity, I just can’t believe it would be worth it to her-
op that’s what people like your friend want you to think , they live on their wits . Think about it you may think it’s not worth the hassle but she’s had a 4 night break in Berlin for €60 tbh the fact she’s annoyed I suspect is she thought you’d hand over more money . They live for the now not tomorrow they don’t think I can’t go out this week I need to save up for Berlin next week as they’ll worry or not worry about that then . They plead poverty probably because it’s easier. it’s hot air I’ll pay you back you won’t see that money again . Just try not to spend too much more on her .

Yours won't be the first BFFship that didn't survive a European holiday. She has shown her true colours now so just plan to do something nice on your own and salvage the weekend.

I would have honestly put her on the train!

I think PP can only help OP now by brainstorming what to do to recover the money if CF blocks her on all platforms come Monday.

Maybe send her mum the bill? 😄