To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

Not wanting to derail the thread but German bread is delicious - your friend definitely could do worse than some bread from a bakery and some cheese or salami

This is why you don’t problem-solve for someone else to get out of their unreasonable expectation of you. It’s not up to you to offer up solutions that she shoots down, leaving you in the awkward position of just being the default lender because you couldn’t come up with an option that met her approval.

Instead you leave it up to her to problem-solve and find a solution. “I checked and I just don’t have enough money left for the both of us. You’ll have to figure something out.”

I think you’ll find that mummy will offer up the money no problem when it’s not presented as being for a “trip” but because she needs to eat.

@Dancingmoonlight
What an utter nightmare this is for you.
This woman is an absolute Cheeky Fucker, she is shameless, a scrounger, a user, a blagger, a cadger.

There are people like this about, and give them an inch, and they'll take a mile.

I bet you'll be glad to get home.
I hope this Freddie freeloader pays you back.

Play her this.
Dedicate it to her.

''Freddie Freeloader'' by Miles Davis.

So she can't get money from my mother for a trip but can sponge off you?!
Fuck that. Seriously. Bin her for the rest of the trip.

To put it simply, you don’t have to buy into the CF perspective that you’re the default unless you can find an alternative solution that meets their approval.

You were never in that position in the first place and have no obligation to find a substitute to get out of it.

She sounds like a complete bitch too the cheek to say don’t cause a scene when you called her out , she doesn’t like being confronted does she ?.

A good few years ago We once simply didn't take a flight we had booked and paid for and cancelled hotel (not paid for) 2 days before we were due to fly as some completely unexpected expense came in that we couldn't avoid and we didn't have that much spare capacity on our credit cards or savings to go away without panicking about running out of cash and we had around £300 for 5 days spare for 2 of us , plus the hotel money. (£500 or so) I cant imagine what was in this woman's head to just go ahead. I think she thought you would simply offer to lend her £150 or so and the bad attitude is because she realised you were not going to that and she misjudged you.

i seriously doubt you'll get it back.

dont make a scene indeed. The nerve of her.

Don't be a doormat. Cut her off now. Tell her you now only have enough to feed yourself.

She came away fully intending for you to pay for everything.

You owe her fuck all.

She's highly unlikely to pay back what she's already had off you. Don't add more to it.

I bet she'll get the hump with you for some bullshit reason and use that to ghost you

You really need to stop saying friendship op.
She is not your friend. She has used you to fund her trip to Berlin.
Friends don't treat other friends as a meal ticket and a mug.
While you continue to pay she won't have to get the money.
While you continue to at, she knows she won't be paying you back.

What a scrounger.

If she is getting paid Monday and is infering she would pay you back then I would straight up cut that notion off by confronting it by simply saying to her, "Well if you want a loan then jump on your phone and get a payday loan sorted. You can do it in an hour and you will have plenty of cash to enjoy the rest of the holiday..like, you said you get paid on Monday anyway?"

With the thought of interest and being obliged to pay it back lets see how quick she sorts the cash. Scrounging off you is a mugs game. I learned the hard way. Don't lend friends money, it leads to arguments. Especially where they shy in paying it back. If they pay it back.

What a user. When she came to the airport she knew she was broke. She should have been more careful with her weekly spend, sorted a payday loan, an arranged overdraft, borrowed some cash from a family member or cancelled the holiday with an exucse and claimed it on the insurance. Going and expecting you to pay for her while she whines like a child and ruins it for you is a dick move.

The fact she's told you not to cause a scene is why you should accept you'll never be getting the money back.

If she was genuine about paying you back she would have been apologetic and mortified.

She also will cut contact with you the minute you get back as she won't want you asking for the money. She always knew this would end the friendship and only saw you as a meal ticket. You've done what she needed and she has no interest in you.

If you don't say something you will forever hate yourself and be bitter. Tell her off and stop paying a penny more. If she can't afford something, she can do her own thing.

Have you given her the impression that you are lonely Op or don't have many other friendship options? She sounds like the typical sort who exploits people who give off those vibes. You really need to cut her off as soon as you can or she will press the right buttons and repeat this behaviour until you convince yourself that she isn't so bad in the grand scheme of things..

I really feel sorry for you OP as I am not the most assertive either. Unfortunately, this behaviour is likely to become prevalent in these hard times because many greedy people have become accustomed to the good life and will beg, borrow and steal to preserve it to the level they enjoyed previously.

I absolutely know I’ve been taken as a meal ticket, but I’m also sort of confused! None of this surely has been enjoyable for her? The waiting to see if I’ll pay for her food, the animosity, I just can’t believe it would be worth it to her- but I wouldn’t turn up with no money so I guess that’s why:

i did make a joke as she mentioned her boyfriend may be taking her away in august and I said “he better make sure it’s all inclusive” and she’s gone a bit stroppy. Oh the joys.

Can you just give her £25 for the remaining few days and say that’s as much as you can lend and that she’ll have to take responsibility for budgeting with the amount you’ve given her? At that way there is a set amount she knows to pay you back and should force her to make budget decisions about what to buy instead of going for steak sandwiches etc! I’d also write down everything you’ve lent her tonight and make sure it’s a written tally so she knows exactly how much to pay back. Don’t wait until you get back to raise it, make sure it’s clear now you’re keeping a record and want it all back so she can’t just try and hide from it when you’re home.

You've spent a lot of money and have not had a good time. I really, really strongly encourage you to take tomorrow off. Give her a tenner (she can go to the supermarket to buy her own food with that) and go by yourself to enjoy the city. Seriously, give yourself a day of actual holiday.

Not that I know of, but I am recently-ish single and my two closest friends are teachers so can only holiday in the school holidays. I like travelling especially to European cities, and I don’t have expensive taste at all, talking Ryanair flights and a ibis-esque hotel, but even I wouldn’t dream of bringing (50.00 uk equivalent) for 4 days.

I just feel a bit sad if I’m honest. I was really looking forward to being away, and it’s turned so sour as money issues do. I know I’ll probably associate lovely Berlin with this now too, I’ll have to come back!

I encountered someone like her once and realised she has a think skin so isn't at all affected by this awkwardness. In fact she probably relishes your unease as she knows she can exploit it. You're looking at her and judging her based on your values as a good kind person. She isn't like you - doesn't have the same values- she's hardened, clearly does this a lot and doesn't see it as awkward. Some people are built differently and anyone who's ok taking advantage of someone is just a dick head.

My plan tomorrow is to give her 35 euros to last the next two days and that’s me done. Then at least the pressure is off and I can just enjoy the trip, mostly alone.

its been very intense her watching my move almost as we enter a shop or go past a stall, almost like she wants to ask me but can’t, then hints anyway.

it’s amazing how money can sour “friendships” so quickly.

I'd let her spend all her money then buy her stuff. Otherwise she'll spend it all on souvenirs at the end.

Ideally you'd get something in writing so that there's no "misunderstanding" later. If you're intending to give her a set amount then say something like "you've needed to borrow €x and £y for the past 3 days, I need to know how much you can repay on Monday/Tuesday so we can decide what to do about the next two days, can you send me a text to confirm it all so we both know what we decide"

Don’t give her anything more!! She is depending on your awkwardness. Tomorrow just say you are going to visit some places by yourself and leave her to it. She isn’t your responsibility

Crikey. What would have happened if you’d try to pull the same stunt and turned up with hardly any money.
she’s a nasty piece of work. I think the friendship’s dead. I wouldn’t waste even more money on her.