To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

If she's still having the brass balls to ask for ice creams I hope you are having the gumption to laugh and say 'whose paying for that then?! I'm not a free cash machine!'. Just tell her straight. I'm the least confrontational person ever and I'd still tell her to do one. As you say, you won't be mates on return, so don't pander to her feelings. I'd even be tempted to say you aren't hungry later at dinner time then go out alone and buy myself something. Don't give her the opportunity to pitch in and order something. I'd even be getting up earlier and popping out to eat. Fuck her. It's not your problem.

You are being such a mug. We've all told you what to do and if you won't do it, then you are in a situation of your own making!

You are not her mother.
Just say, You know you'll have to repay all this, I'll let you know how much you owe me when we get home, & you've been paid
(Make a note if every coffee& sandwich)

We all get that its an awkward situation but at this point you are only contributing to your own discomfort. You are prioritising her needs over yours and secretly boiling with resentment. Years of that kind of emotional habit can cause physical illness. There is a huge relief in "speaking your truth" and simply standing up for yourself- I'd really question why you feel you cant do this. What is it within you that feels less valuable than her opinion of you.

BTW- if you do ever go for a meal with her again after this, I'd bet my mortgage she will say the following: "Oh no! I'm so embarrassed- Ive forgotten my purse, how stupid am I?! I cant believe I've done this again, how silly tee hee! Can you pay and we can settle up later?".......

I don’t get why your not saying anything especially when she’s hinting heavily as you say . Next time she hints is your apportioning say look I can’t afford to keep subbing you I’ve spent a extra ££ this week . I’d tell her I’m annoyed but if you don’t want to do that at least tell her to stop hinting , say no we can’t have that because you have brought no money . Remind her it’s her doing .

Re you sure that you wont be paying for her hotel? Some European hotels definitely take payment at checkout. If not, then did she tell you the cost and tell you how much to pay as the half share of the total? If so, she probably doubled it and is being fully entertained at your expense. Berlin is a lot cheaper than you would think (flights and hotels).

This is outrageously cheeky.
Tell her your money is running out so from now on she'll need to pay for all her own food and you won't be subsidizing her any more.
It's outrageous! Really pissed me off!

Or you could say my money is running out so we'll need to buy stuff from the supermarket to eat for the rest of the trip (if you don't want to see her actually go hungry) and that you'll go and get a shop in. Then buy a load of bread, cheese, whatever and make meals out of it. And it will have to last.

And I'd be ditching her and saying you want to spend time on your own so bye, see you later this evening! And off you go.

BTW I think this is probably her "modus operandi". She hasn't been friends with you all that long but suggests a trip to Berlin. It's a bit odd somehow. Probably has done this with other people too which is why she has to ask a relatively new friend to go away with her.

Oh God. What a CF. Did she have big wide eyes and pursed lips when she said, "I'll just not eat."

If you've made the decision that your friendship is over then fuck her. She's a cheeky fucker who doesn't care one bit about you. She should be so apologetic at you having to buy her a HAM sandwich, nevermind ordering steak. Bin her off. Just say it's not on and go do your own thing!!!

She's outrageous! Hinting for souvenirs and ice creams, ordering steak! Shows she is really taking the piss! She's not sorry or even embarrassed.
There are cheap supermarkets in Berlin, eg Lidl, even cheaper than UK, so maybe you could get food from there rather than eg MaccyD?
Don't spend on her, you won't get any of it back. Presumably you can make coffee in your hotel room, and she can get something cheap to eat at the supermarket. She won't starve. Has she really not got a credit card, or a mum to transfer her some money for basics?
I'd make myself scarce, quite honestly, go off and do things by yourself.

There is a 5% city tax in Berlin. No doubt you will be paying for that too.
Shes seen you coming op.

Hi OP, I lived in Berlin over 20 years ago, when it was fantastically cheap for a capital city. Your issue makes me a bit sad ( beyond the point, I know). When I moved from Berlin to London, my rent quadrupled even though I was moving to student accommodation.

Berliners are famous for being direct; even Germans often complain they're rude, despite being typically more direct than Brits. I'd say take inspiration from them.

Tell your friend that you quite reasonably expected her to be able to afford a trip she suggested, and can't afford to subsidise her to the extent she expects. Ask her how she wants to deal with it - use her card, split from you, just stop sulking?

(when living in Berlin, a friend visited me who had recently moved to the UK. She had worked very hard to adapt to British mores. We went to a bakery and she said 'could I please have four bread rolls?'

Baker woman snapped back 'well if you pay for them!' She thought my friend was weird for saying more than the absolutely necessary, i.e. 'four bread rolls'. Ppl have a mode of completely unadorned, purely functional verbal interaction that to Brits can be thunderously rude.)

"Tomorrow I'm going to head off on my own all day, we'll meet up in the evening"

Op, I’ve just googled the price of a Big Mac meal in Berlin and it’s 8 Euros.

its not the cheap option people seem to think a Mc Donald’s would be in comparison to the steak sandwich.

TBF, my DD (and myself and most others I know) were MUCH more sensible at 18. Sounds more like an 10 year old to be honest.

Agree with PP. Get up early tomorrow morning, get ready, and say, “I’m off to xxx. See you when I get back”. Then stay out the whole day and have a lovely time, coming back in the evening with some bread and peanut butter in case she got hungry.

You're being so odd about this.

Didnt you say, "how are you planning on paying for the weekend?"
How did she respond?

Have you told her that she'll need to call her parents or someone she knows and ask to borrow some money? They can transfer her some money.

I dont understand how you've ended up like this.
When you arrived at the airport and found out, it should have been a very clear conversation about how she was going to pay for herself. She knew this was coming. She should have saved money for it.

You're going to have to be blunt with her. Add up what she owes you and tell her, "I've spent £X on you so far. You said you get paid on Monday so we'll go to a cash machine because you need to give me that back. Now you need to call your mum or someone and ask to borrow money to get you through or I will give you £X more but that's it. I cant give any more than that and it'll need to be paid back on Monday as well."

The friendship is dead. So dont worry about that
Be transactional.

I’ve been watching Inventing Anna and this situation is waving huge red flags.

OP given the updates about the picking expensive options and suggesting ice cream, etc. I agree with those saying she is absolutely taking you for a mug. It’s easy to say on this side of the keyboard, but the agreement to pay for meals for her was probably a bit of a mistake. You ask how to not be resentful about it and I think there are a couple of ways you can at least lessen it:

1). Just tell her, straight out, you don’t appreciate how she’s treating you, you’re no longer prepared to sub her and you think it’s best if you spend the rest of the time doing your own thing. Then do that. Completely ignore her. Remember it’s not your problem and she’s a grown up. Best of you aren’t sharing a room. See if you can change your seat on the flight back so you aren’t next to her.

2. work out what you’ve spent on her so far. Decide how much you’re prepared to sub her for the rest of the time then sit down and tell her you’ll transfer the rest of the money to her now but she’ll need to budget and not buy the eu10 steak sandwich every time because that is it. And immediately discuss a repayment plan for the whole amount and get her to commit to amounts and dates (but don’t rely on getting it, I agree with others that this is most likely a deliberate ploy to have you pay for her holiday). Then try and have the original holiday you’d planned without her asking you for some thing every time you’re near a cash register and put the money out of mind for now.

i think option 2 is just kicking the can down the road because I don’t she will repay, and definitely not willingly. But it puts you in a less awkward (and less vulnerable) situation for the remainder of the holiday if you’re sharing a room with her and have to sit next to her on the flight home. I do think, whichever option you choose, you need to be clear that you think her behaviour is outrageous and not a bit of an “oops!” Otherwise she’ll keep pushing for more.

Why aren't you taking advice from the thread? Too afraid to do anything about it but just enjoy complaining?

DITCH HER.

DITCH
HER

D
I
T
C
H E R

OP to put it bluntly you are being properly mugged off here and seem to be going along with it why exactly? Do you feel unable to deal with conflict?

I suggest you practice standing your ground now because if not then I expect this kind of thing will continually happen to you for the rest of your life. It's in your own hands. If you are a pushover for CFs then you will be a magnet for CFs to push you around.

She’s a total CF OP.

1. Tell her to put it all on her credit card as you’ve run out of money to subsidise her now.

2. continue to do things you want to do. If she glares at you or makes PA remarks, tell her that you want to perhaps spend the day doing separate things and you’ll meet after dinner in the evening for a walk together then back to the hotel.

3. Have you kept track of the ongoing costs? Start adding them up and keeping receipts etc, though in honesty, OP, I doubt you’ll see any of this money back from her.

4. Cut ties when you’re back! She’s a useless user!

I wouldn’t be able to do any of the things suggested by posters. Not because I’m a pushover because I’m not. I just couldn’t humiliate someone by making them eat differently to me for any reason.

The friend was wrong to go on holiday without spending money but perhaps she thought it was better that than cancelling the holiday altogether. Nothing she decides to do was going to be right.