To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

Oh and if you want her itinerary/where they ate, just let me know on here. They were all on a shoestring so compromised on where they went as a group, prioritised one activity and went to bakeries etc There are lovely places if you know where to go. You are in the awful situation of being forced to feel like a parent/holding the purse strings for a sulky bugger who resents you for it. Pech gehabt! Your ex-colleague is an adult ffs.

Exactly! Though I’d say loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter, filling and doesn’t need refrigeration. You’re nuts OP! I mean, I totally support you being angry because who does this, but she did and so why the fuck does she get the most expensive sandwich, and she doesn’t need a coffee at the airport, she can drink water from the bubbler if she’s thirsty (does she not even have a bottle to fill from the tap?). I figured at first that of course she’d do that and you were upset as it really changes your trip if you can’t eat anywhere sit down except on your own. So you’d kind of have to pay for her to join you since restaurants don’t take kindly to people taking up seats without ordering. But fuck buying her expensive takeaway!

with the souvenir ‘hints’ I’d say ‘hahaha, don’t look at me, I already can’t believe I’m paying for your meals like you’re my child. I’m not a total mug’.

Hey OP, I can’t afford the most expensive items on the menu and I haven’t had a new perfume in years 🥺

Let’s make an agreement: you fund me and in exchange I will agree to be funded.

I’ll send you a private message with my bank details. Thanks in advance!

dump the bitch.

This happened to me, euro trip with a colleague who spent all her money on day one so I had to pay for everything the rest of the week. I made her pay me back later (took a bit of nagging though). She was a shit friend in some ways anyway and she did stuff like this to people all the time, so I binned her off in the end.
Tell your friend to borrow from her mum OP

If you’re staying in separate rooms:

“Well, [cheeky fucker]: I think you have invited me along to Berlin to bankroll your trip, as you have clearly not brought enough to fund yourself. I’m not going to fund you - you’re on your own. See you at the airport”.

This is a total disaster.

Would it be better to say, I'll lend you 50EUR then she can spend how she wants and it's easy for you to ask for it back, rather than you covering each meal where she might pick expensive options and you have to keep tally.

My mentality would be, try to enjoy this holiday as best I can but then seriously question my friendship with this person when I get home.

After your update its quite clear she's taking advantage of you and getting you to buy her more expensive food its pretty appalling and I'd be telling her how shameful she is.

Keep a note of EVERTHING, when you land back, tell her she owes you X amount, then assume you’ll never see it again and plan on never seeing her again.

She sounds like she is 18 not in her 30s. What a donut

I'd go home early if I could. She's an idiot.

I’m not normally such a pushover. It’s one of those situations where I ordered mine, turned to her and she blurted steak sandwich and the sandwich maker nodded and walked off:

She hasn’t asked for anything directly this afternoon but she’s hinting heavily, oh let’s get an ice cream and sit in the sun etc. I’ve never been in this situation with a friend before and that’s what is making it tougher. I also don’t have the money for new hotels etc on my own, or taxi transfers so I’m pretty stuck:

I do think our friendship is probably over after this as I can’t imagine ever feeling comfortable even going for a meal anymore

Ditch her. I had a friend do this to me on holiday in the U.S. in our 20s. Kept quiet about her lack of funds. Ate at a restaurant and she just looked blankly when the bill came.

I just told her that I didn’t have enough money for both of us. Then suddenly someone was able to do a Western Union transfer to her.

End the friendship - especially as she is not even remotely grateful for you covering her up till now.

She is taking the absolute piss and it's clearly on purpose OP. This person is not your friend. Cut your losses.

So weird if her

She is using anger to intimidate the Op into paying.
My 'D' sis is like this.
She would go shopping with my DM, pile stuff on to the till and stand back glaring at DM until she paid.
If I said anything she would storm off.
She was up to her neck in debt and for some reason thought people with money owed her, it was never her fault.
She would behave exactly as the Op has described.
If we ever went out for a meal she would be angry and stroppy, order expensive things and then storm off to the loo when the bill came.
I stepped away but of course its all my fault 😉

So you have to make the decision OP; are you continuing in misery for the next 48 hours or are you writing it off/going off on your own.
Sitting in the sun with a 3 euro ice cream/bottle of beer from supermarket is a nice way to enjoy the sun and could have come out of her 15/day budget. I assume she spent all 60 on the first day then.
So - you either bankroll then send her an email bill for closure if nothing else, as unlikely to get it back (although if being paid Monday she could clear debt with you first) or you split up now as you want to go shopping not window-licking.

Yabu as you are not saying much and just letting the time go by and not changing your situation. All the advice given here suggests setting her straight, and you’re still responding and not putting your foot down. Instead you find yourself buying her sandwiches and ice cream, so just accept that you don’t mind doing this and yes you’ll go home annoyed maybe even bitter but take some responsibility and realize it’s your decision to keep paying for her.maybe take the advice here and say no and bye to her.

If you can afford it, I'd withdraw some money and hand it to her, and say she can pay you back Monday.

Assuming you can trust she will of course!

But why haven’t you said something?!

I'd suggest that you withdraw the same number of Euros from the cashpoint and treat it like a Youtube challenge where you won't be spending a penny more than that. You would then see who finds the best value meals around the city. Luckily, it is not a horrendously expensive place. If you split up to source meals then you could nip into a nice restaurant when you were alone! I would not want to eat Mc Donalds for four days in a row (don't go there at all). The wurst places probably have a really basic takeaway option within budget and the big world foods outdoor market (cannot remember the name).

She must have form. There is no way that this is a one off.

From the moment you start going on school trips as a young child, you start understanding the need to set aside spending money/snack money. She probably does this with all her new friends because she is not unduly bothered about losing friendships that don't have mileage.

Tell her you only have x euros ( you decide whether to say the truth or not) and we both have to manage on that, so there will be no extras. Surely in this day and age people don’t buy souvenirs for others.

You asked how not to feel bitter about it, so I'll answer that question, even though she is being really cheeky.

Just decide on how to spin it positively. It could be: I have more money than her. She had the idea of coming and I'm glad we did so I will enjoy treating her a bit.

Or: I will lend her a fixed amount of money and say: I'll lend you 100 Euros so you don't have to ask me for everything, but I really will need the money back after payday.

Or just: sod it, I know she'll never pay me back, I'll just put this one down to experience and enjoy myself, either with her or without her.

But it's unlikely the friendship will last or that she'll pay you back.

Did she pay for flights and hotels? If she did, have you paid her back for these yet?