To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

Ditch her and enjoy your trip!

£60 for 4 days... even basic food (sandwich, pizza, fast food) would be more than that.

She is taking the fucking piss.

If I were you I'd go to Lidl and buy a bag of cheap easy food that can me made in a hotel room (flapjacks, pot noodles, peanut butter, bread, biscuits).

I'd say to her "I won't see you starve so here you go, but I can't afford to pay for anything else".

Then ditch her and enjoy Berlin it's an awesome city!

Also when you get home block her on everything. No one needs friends like this!

OP there are flights back to London on easyJet today for £118. Probably cheaper than funding this CF!

People suggesting she pay by card are obviously not familiar with Germany! That’s not an option in smaller shops/restaurants. Germany is very much a cash based society. The pp who put ‘cheap’ and Edeka in the same sentence also made me smile. But she can get a cash advance on a credit card from an ATM. I wouldn’t be subsidising her and if she continues to be so annoying I’d be suggesting she stays in the room while you go
out and do something!

Add up how much she owes you. Write her a bill, with your bank details and tell her to transfer it on pay day. Then dump her.

It's really weird that you are letting her order the most expensive food. Why would you do that? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Op, you need to think of it logically. This "friendship" isn't salvageable. You are giving you money away to someone who you won't see for dust when you are back home...like you won't see any money she is "repaying" you. She is a grown adult. She can figure out her own money issues. She knows that she can go and buy cheap essentials in a supermarket but is banking on her whining and PA statements about not eating causing you to pay. SHE IS NOT A FRIEND. She went on this break knowing she had limited funds and knowing you would pay for her. There's no way she didn't. She is ripping the piss out of you.
I'd tell her now I couldn't afford to pay for two (you don't need to show her how much you have) and she needs to either go to a supermarket or find another source of money. Don't apologise. Make plans to see what you want to see and go and do it. She can tag along or stay in the hotel.

Ok but the fact you posted and are now continuing to bankroll her with individual items makes you silly 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes some smaller shops in Germany might not take cards or just take the local EC, but it is certainly possible to survive in Berlin if you have a card and no cash. But of course 'friend' allegedly has no money.
OP why didn't you ask the friend straight away how she was planning to manage? It's not like this was unexpected, she didn't lose her wallet or anything, where of course you would help a friend out. She went abroad fully expecting someone else will pay.

Take her to supermarket, spend €10 to buy her a cheap sliced loaf, a pack of ham/cheese and a bag of apples, tell her you are almost out of money and she'll have to make herself round of sandwiches to last till she gets home.

OP with respect you're being a bit of a wet lettuce. Your thread title asks how not to be bitter, and the way to do that is to take the bull by the horns and leave her to it. Not some halfway fudge so that you're subsidising her sandwiches. Enjoy the city on your own and let her work it out for herself.

But before you do, make like a two year old and keep asking why, why, why. Or possibly what, what, what. Or to mix my comparisons, adopt a Socratic approach. Begin with asking her how she expected to make 60 euros last the weekend. Follow every answer she gives with another question. 'But you know restaurant meals cost more than what you have as a daily spend, how did you expect that to work?' 'Did you really think you could go for [x] days without eating?' Keep asking until you force her to admit she was expecting you to pay for her. THEN walk away.

I'd be saying goodbye every morning, and leaving her to her own devices. This is CF behaviour at its worst.

I had a friend like that when we were living in Paris as au pairs. She’d go out with no money at all, saying she would get men to buy her drinks. And expect to jump in my taxi home without paying. The friendship didn’t last!

I've tried to reply using the app but it didn't post (but if it did, apologies for the double reply) - I honestly think that the below quote sums up how you should reply

"lack of planning on your part (cheeky fucker) does not constitute an emergency on mine" - the words cheeky fucker are added to this quote specifically for this thread!

Your 'friend' is a cheeky fucker of the highest order. Do not give her a penny as if you do then you are allowing her cheeky fucker behaviour to carry on.

And if you really feel like buying her food, YOU PICK. The most inexpensive thing on the menu. If she grumbled say it’s more than she could have afforded and she’s cheeky enough relying on you.

She saw you coming, I’m afraid. Thought you’d buy her mum etc gifts too. And don’t believe her if she says she’ll pay you back- she won’t.

OP, If you are going to cover her food, then work out a reasonable amount, so 6e for a sandwich 2e for a drink or whatever, and then give her enough for the rest of the trip (as you have already said you would cover food). Make it clear that it is up to her to budget it and that there won't be any more. She is taking the piss by not going for the cheapest option.

If she mentions souvenirs etc again, then ask her if she has any family that would put money into her bank account for her. Do not give in and buy her anythng

Just act like you don't understand hints.

"My mum would love that, but I haven't been paid yet."
"Oh that's a shame. Ah well." then move on. Her finances aren't your problem.

She can pay for souvenirs on credit card if she wants them. Meals agree to split and she owes you when she gets paid.
I would take time out and do own thing for a while.

lol you’re a mug

You’d rather fume online about how you’ve been wronged than say ‘boo’ to anyone.

For your next meal, go to the supermarket and buy a cheap loaf of sliced bread and some cheese slices for sandwiches, and a bunch of bananas, then tell her that's going to be breakfast lunch and dinner for the next couple of days and if she wants anything extra she can buy it herself. Then you can buy yourself some nice baguettes, kebabs (Berlin kebabs are especially good), currywurst etc.

A friend did this to me in Uni. We booked a two week clubbing holiday to Tenerife, self catering and she took £200. It was nowhere near enough, she didn’t tell me she only had £200 for food, drink, excursions etc and she quickly ran out of cash.
I was admitted to hospital there and she spent all my cash on snacks (said she was bored and went back and forth to the supermarket for snacks and treats every day).
I withdrew money when I was discharged but this was to basically cover food and soft drinks for us both and she got mad with me as she wanted me to pay for clubs and day trips. Said she would rather stay in the room than go out only during the day. 😬 So either I lend her money or stay in the whole time.

She never paid me back, dropped out of Uni when we got back and I never heard from her again.

No one goes abroad with 63p to their name unless they are a simpleton

She's not a simpleton though, is she? Because she's been smart and manipulative enough to pick the correct "victtim", the person who will buy her steak sandwiches and finance her holiday.

Seriously OP, however uncomfortable this makes you, you are going to have to grow a backbone and tackle this head on.

She's behaving like a spoilt teenager out with mum not a grown arsed woman with her friend.

This. 100%.

You are not going back until Monday and have already subsidised her Thurs/Fri, or just yesterday? Unfair expectations. Impossible situation. How did it come up - did she mention it at the airport or once you were in Berlin?
It is difficult - my DD went to Berlin with mates and they had a small budget for accommodation. I could not find anything decent within budget so I subsidised the whole group as a present the extra needed for a nicer place.
DD had been hurt that she was left planning it all (so I helped out) but as the mantra says - do not give more than you can afford to lose - and I was fine with it. They get there - all insist on walking as they want to keep to budget so not spending on an all-day train ticket. My lovely girl finds all the best, cheap eateries and street food and does an awesome job of it.
One of the girls then spends 80 euros on designer perfume from a posh mall.
DD felt resentful as she thought I had been taken advantage of.
I was - and remain - fine. The part subsidised had been prepaid, pre-agreed and spent in my head.
So...
You have three choices OP

1. Fund her unconditionally and square it as a life-lesson for the future


2. Do not fund her, friendship over, secure your things


3. Continue to pay for food only but you choose where as beggars cannot be choosers

You need to make peace with it now whatever you go with.

She sees you as a soft touch and is playing on your weakness
People like this have no shame and are so thick skinned
I think she planned this, hence the tantrums.
Don't pay for anything else or lend her money. I bet you won't see her again once you're home
Be as blunt with her as possible
She won't acknowledge hints