To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

You know when you watch shows like The Tindler Swindler or Inventing Anna and people say they don't understand how this happens? This is exactly how it happens. This woman knows exactly what she is doing. Like I said, she's a con artist. She is manipulating the OP into doing exactly what she wants. The OP will never see a penny of this money. By trying to help, she's digging herself in further and further.It's only going to get worse. But, the OP is an adult. She's responsible for her own choices here.

Go to a supermarket and get supplies. No eating out at all with her.
You'll never see her again unless you plan to pay for her all the time, and never see the money.
I'd look into changing my ticket to go home early saying that I can't afford to pay for the two of you. This is no fun, and she is taking advantage. She's no friend, and you can't seriously think the friendship will survive this weekend so time to cut your ties.

You are a total fool.
Why are you buying her anything. This is why these CFs get away with it.
Shes not your friend, she's using you and cares absolutely nothing about you.

Your mistake op was believing her that she only has 60 euros , boo hoo I won’t eat . I call bull shit op and your nice and clearly haven’t met chancers like her before , your lucky as most of us have and can spot them . The fact she asked for a steak sandwich didn’t ring alarm bells? If she was genuine she’d get the cheapest item , she’d ask for a loan , she’d admit it BEFORE she arrived at the airport. She had opportunity to do any of those things. Stop this now op your lovely and she’s took advantage.

Has she agreed to pay you back?

By the way, I don't mean to sound harsh. I really hope you are ok, OP. It's shitty that there are so many awful people in the world.

Op

rather than spending on holiday posting on a mumsnet thread
why don’t you say to your friend
”how about you log on to online banking, transfer me £x and then I’ll pay equivalent whilst we’re here?”

An agreement normally means both parties offer something in return for something. What did you get out of this agreement? I suspect nothing, in which case it isn’t an agreement, you simply said you will pay for her meals.

If I had met my friend at the airport and they told me they had €60 I would have said right there and then “what on earth are you going to do for money”. I honestly do wonder if your “friend” isn’t a con artist, who maybe does this on a regular basis and has regular weekends away with other people picking up the tab.

I wouldn’t be worried about a bad atmosphere or saving a friendship here at this point, she is no friend, she is conning you. I would go separate ways now, you know she isn’t going to starve if you don’t feed her, she will fund some funds somehow.

I agree the steak sandwich choice after you had the conversation is a HUGE RED FLAG.

You put down a boundary and she smashes through it - it’s like a power game - how much she can humiliate and subjugate you.

I would be careful of your possessions - she sounds like a nutter.

I definitely agree with the supermarket idea. Buy her some supplies for a packed lunch and leave her to it. If you do want to sub her on a lunch when out and about, give her two choices, would you like this or that? Even if she asks for extras, just order the basics. Even if you have tonnes of cash, she shouldn't be taking the mick running up a big tab.

I honestly think she's a scammer who does this to loads of people. That's a pretty decent front to come away with only 60 euros. She clearly had a pretty fair bet that you'd sub her in order to risk it. Any normal person would have called you to explain the finance issues before leaving and discuss what's best to do, long before arriving at the airport. Normal friends would have a plan agreed and not take the piss ordering expensive menu items if they're being subbed by a friend, even if paying it back.

You need to write off the money you've spent on her. I can guarantee you won't see that again.

You're being a bloody muggins is what you're being!

Tell her she's already spent £x of your money and she's not having any more and you're royally fucked off that she came here planning to sponge off you.

Seriously. She's not worth it.

This. .. She is a pisstaker/cheekyfucker.

I have known people like this, male and female. Pre late-1980s, I smoked for 6 or 7 years in my late teens/early 20s, and they would come out with 4 cigarettes, and would offer the first 2 'crashes' of ciggies, then would smoke mine all night. And they would only come with a £3, and would buy the first round, but I had to pay for the rest of the night.

You're not being pedantic FFS. Youre being used.

People like this always know a mug when they see one - generally people who are too polite to say No. Unfortunately sorry to say you are that mug - she's engineered this situation and got you feeling like you have to subsidise her - you don't and you'll never see a penny of this money again.

Stop it now or she'll continue to milk you dry until you grow a backbone

Supermarkets ARE open in Berlin on Sundays, at least in the touristy areas. She will not starve.

OP there are loads of cheap hostels in Berlin, I would seriously think about going off and staying in one on your own the last two days so you can get away from this scrounger. Yes it will cost but probably not much more than you'll shell out on this person and at least you will be able to enjoy the city on your own.

I used to live in Berlin, if you tell me roughly what area you're in, maybe I can suggest some good cheap places to eat or go out

Think the icing on the cake will be if she buys souvenirs and gifts at the airport duty free on her credit card that she'll have "just for emergencies".

Either way I think the friendship is dead and she's using the last access of your money she has to live it up in Berlin for cheap, after the holiday you'll never see her again.

I might be a right mug, but in those circumstances and at such close quarters I would (reluctantly) give her 30 euros and say "there you are, you won't go hungry anyway" and head off out on my own all day and night too. I would totally ignore all other pleadings and just do my own thing, knowing that I did the bare minimum to keep her from starving, but didn't sub her social life or food choices, shopping, travel costs etc.

Then cut contact and block immediately on return. Awkward staying in the same room and travelling back but hey ho, I would not have done anything wrong, all on her.

You will never see your money or your friend again.

Stop paying for her food or souvenirs! €60 is enough for 4 days - she can go to the supermarket, get some bread, cheese, fruit and a litre of milk and eat for 4 days that way. She can walk instead of getting the S-Bahn. She can buy cheap souvenirs or just take photos. €15 a day is enough to live on, but not to eat out like a tourist. So, she needs to behave like she would at home. You don't eat out 3 times a day at home.

This will sound harsh, but stop being a mug. You're not there to subsidise her. So what if she doesn't eat anything other than sandwiches? It was her decision to go on the trip with no money.

Stop paying for her and ask her when she can repay you for what you’ve spent already

She sounds like a prize cf

but each time we are going anywhere I feel like she’s deliberately picking the most expensive menu items.

So you say to her "you can choose anything up to 5 euros, and no more".

Have you agreed that the money you have spent on her is a loan? Is she expecting to pay you back?

Op this was always her plan. It’s the only reason she invited you. Her previous 3 day bender will have been funded by some other mug. This is how she operates. You need to tell her you will not give her anymore money. She needs to contact someone from home if she’s desperate.

Those saying give her a lump sum.

It's fairly obvious what would happen then, CF would buy her DM the perfume with OPs money, then be skint and begging again.

OP if it feels like she's scamming you by ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, then that's totally because it is what she is deliberately doing. Either because this is all a game for her and she's fleecing you for everything she can or because she believes she deserves steak rather than ham, or both.

Find your anger, stop spending your money on her.

Wow what a cheeky bugger she is.
So sorry you are going through this op.

Honestly what a twat, in your notes in your phone write down every item you pay for and the cost. On Monday when she gets paid send her the note with the total and say please send me this here are the details/PayPal to send it to.

distance yourself from her after that

I started off with a lot of sympathy. But I'm not sure what you actually want op?

You've been given tonnes of advice. Yet you're buying steak sarnies for her.

If you want to be a door mat crack on.

She's an utter user. And you're a mug for not stopping it.