Page 7 | Grandparents never take DC out

Cherrybizarre · 2022-04-22T20:17:39+00:00

Basically my DM has never taken my children anywhere (they’re 6 and 7). Never a day out, to the park, soft play, anything. For context she is in her mid 50s, doesn’t work (doesn’t need to), drives and owns a car. She will have them for regular sleep overs (1 or 2 a month) but I drop them and collect them, and she doesn’t really do anything when they’re there. They just watch tv etc before going to bed. When they wake they don’t really do anything either then I come and get them. They do like it there though. I don’t expect them to be taken out by anyone other than me, but AIBU to find it unusual for a grandparent to never do so? She makes no secret that she regards herself a wonderful grandmother so I just find it a little odd.

CorsicaDreaming · 23/04/2022 16:18

ForgedInFire · 23/04/2022 12:56

I have the same situation- My mum has my kids overnight sometimes but she doesn't do anything with them and has never taken them out. Not even a bit of colouring or baking. I am grateful for the help- I still have my youngest at home so it's not really a break though. I'm a lone parent (widow) and I do wish that somebody else would do something with my kids just for once. But it's not going to happen so I just enjoy what I can get.

@ForgedInFire

Your "not even a bit of baking" comment made me chuckle when I think back to the absolute Armageddon that my DS could create when making even the most basic fairy cakes.

Breaking the eggs and whisking the eggs were - and still are - his two favourite parts.

Never could one small boy cause so much collateral damage with two eggs and a whisk as my son has on multiple occasions... the demonic glint that comes into his eye at the sight of a whisk would send any grandma running for the hills.

That coupled with the most bizarre aversion to getting even the tiniest drop of raw egg on his fingers and you need a Valium and a stiff gin
after every baking event.

Nigella Lawson has a lot to answer for...

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/04/2022 16:20

I wish someone would have my younger 2 over night

I'm 44 but I don't often take my grandchildren out when I have them, the park occasionally but it's not much fun trying to keep track of a 5 and 3 year old plus the baby and my 11 and 9 year old too

I do occasionally have them over night and I'll be having the baby once a week for a few months when dil goes back to work .

I certainly wouldn't appreciate my son thinking I should take them all out when I have them though!

Original poster

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 16:43

This has absolutely nothing to do with me and my free time. I don’t have money for nights out with friends as I spend my disposable income in doing things with my children. But that is irrelevant. The point in this thread is purely my DM doesn’t do anything with her grandchildren that involves her actually doing anything. I don’t know another grandparent like that so I found it unusual. Evidently it isn’t.

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2bazookas · 23/04/2022 17:00

Sounds like the kids really enjoy being at Granny's because there's no social timetable, no endless ferrying round a programme of organised activities. They can just totally relax and entertain themselves. Bliss.

Ohmygoshyoudontsay · 23/04/2022 17:09

1 to 2 sleeperovers a month. That is loads. Mine have never slept at their grandparents. She sounds very hands on.

NewAgain123 · 23/04/2022 18:47

If the kids do stuff with you all the time then an evening sat watching TV with Gran will be relaxing

You sound extremely ungrateful for what your Mum does for you

If you were my Daughter there would be no more sleepovers

tuliplover · 23/04/2022 20:57

@luxxlisbon phew my kids were 7 and 9 when I hit my 50s! Her age has nothing to do with it.
OP, my parents in laws (I had two sets) never ever saw the kids without us, even after my husband died when they were small there was never any 'we will take them for the day so you can have a break' or what have you.
My own parents (mid 70s when I had kids) babysat of any evening but I don't recall them ever taking them out.
If she's not interested she's not interested. She has them overnight which is more than many. Don't ask for more than she's prepared to give.

OutlookStalking · 23/04/2022 21:34

Wow I can't believe how ungrateful you are. Even after reading all these pages you think her lazy and "not doing anything" when she does tons. So many grandparents (most?) Dont do overnights. Your poor mum.

OutlookStalking · 23/04/2022 21:36

Still in awe of 2 evenings a month child free - never mind 2 actual nights and 2 mornings! I guess if you've always had it you take it for granted :(

Echobelly · 23/04/2022 21:37

It's a bit unusual, but each to their own. My IL's preference was to take kids out, but less keen on sleepovers (my parents did that) - but then they both run their own businesses, so I understood that longer stretches of care wouldn't work so well for them.

medicmummm · 23/04/2022 21:46

Do you think she has some sort of anxieties about going out with them? Perhaps she isn't sure where to take them? Have you invited her on days out before with you?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2022 22:03

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 16:43

This has absolutely nothing to do with me and my free time. I don’t have money for nights out with friends as I spend my disposable income in doing things with my children. But that is irrelevant. The point in this thread is purely my DM doesn’t do anything with her grandchildren that involves her actually doing anything. I don’t know another grandparent like that so I found it unusual. Evidently it isn’t.

Maybe they enjoy the peace and quiet without being "on the go" constantly.

My grandparents were all in their seventies when I was born - I used to watch Judge Judy with my grandma and help my granddad water his plants. I used to nap with my granddad in his favourite chair and my grandma would sneak me a KitKat when my mum wasn't looking.

I loved it and they're some of my favourite memories from when I visited them in Australia.

Don't scoff at what sounds like it could be a wonderful relationship, just because it's not what you would do or enjoy yourself.

Original poster

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:09

@fairylightsandwaxmelts
I’m not scoffing though. I just found it unusual that she’s never taken them anywhere. I’m assuming everyone who have voted that IABU has children who’s grandparents haven’t ever taking them anywhere either. I find that strange is it definitely doesn’t reflect what I know irl. But as I’ve said I suppose me (and the people I know) were just incredibly lucky to have grandparents who put a lot of effort in to their relationship with us.

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ReadyToMoveIt · 23/04/2022 22:11

My grandparents put incredible effort into their relationship with me too. At home.

bellac11 · 23/04/2022 22:18

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 11:24

I don’t really understand why people can’t take my word for it but for the last time if she has them overnight 2 times a months, the 2 weekend she doesn’t have them are easier on me. I get the same sleep regardless, but I don’t need to worry about getting caught in traffic and can have a more leisurely morning the next day without having to do the trip to get them. So them staying is of no benefit to me. It’s not even the point of the thread!

So you dont like to make any effort. The same thing you're accusing your mum of.

Original poster

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:28

@bellac11
But I do make the effort to take them? I may prefer not to, but I do it. I don’t like standing in the rain when my son is at football practice either but I still do it. I do things I don’t want to do all the time for the benefit of my children. Isn’t that standard?

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ReadyToMoveIt · 23/04/2022 22:29

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:28

@bellac11
But I do make the effort to take them? I may prefer not to, but I do it. I don’t like standing in the rain when my son is at football practice either but I still do it. I do things I don’t want to do all the time for the benefit of my children. Isn’t that standard?

So your children enjoy going then? You take them for their benefit?

Original poster

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:31

I can accept IABU but what surprises me is the outlook so many people seem to have is grandparent only do things with their grandchildren to benefit the parents. That was so far from my relationship with mine. They took us to the park, walks, picked us up after school to have tea at their house etc to spend time with us, not for the benefit of my parents.

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Original poster

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:33

Yes, as I’ve said (more than once) my children enjoy going.

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ReadyToMoveIt · 23/04/2022 22:33

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:31

I can accept IABU but what surprises me is the outlook so many people seem to have is grandparent only do things with their grandchildren to benefit the parents. That was so far from my relationship with mine. They took us to the park, walks, picked us up after school to have tea at their house etc to spend time with us, not for the benefit of my parents.

If your children are enjoying going, then your mum is doing it for the benefit of your children, isn’t she?
It’s a bit of both with my mum. She adores spending time with her grandchildren (usually at her house). She also has them to help me out if I need it.

ReadyToMoveIt · 23/04/2022 22:34

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:33

Yes, as I’ve said (more than once) my children enjoy going.

Then the issue is entirely yours. Your mum just doesn’t do things how you want her to do things.

Original poster

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:38

@ReadyToMoveIt
Of course the issue is mine, or it would be her posting about it not me! I’ve not once insinuated she should take them out and about every time she sees them. I just find it weird not once in their entire lives has she even taken them anywhere, not even as much as a walk to the shops. She’s never visited and won’t pick them up. I just find it odd and I personally don’t know anyone irl who is the same, hence asking on here. But clearly she’s not the only one.

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bellac11 · 23/04/2022 22:38

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:28

@bellac11
But I do make the effort to take them? I may prefer not to, but I do it. I don’t like standing in the rain when my son is at football practice either but I still do it. I do things I don’t want to do all the time for the benefit of my children. Isn’t that standard?

You sound resentful about everything to be honest.

I dont know what your definition of 'doing' is when it comes to your mum. She has them over to her house to stay, that takes time and effort that she doesnt owe you or anyone

Your children enjoy it therefore what she is 'doing' is clearly right for them.

Yet your first post moaned about it being a 'hindrance' to you, not a help. Its both a help to you and to them for them to have an enjoyable time.

echt · 23/04/2022 22:39

I get the same sleep regardless, but I don’t need to worry about getting caught in traffic and can have a more leisurely morning the next day without having to do the trip to get them. So them staying is of no benefit to me. It’s not even the point of the thread

There are two benefits you've named. Right there.

But as I’ve said I suppose me (and the people I know) were just incredibly lucky to have grandparents who put a lot of effort in to their relationship with us

Having the GCs over is an effort, and the sleepovers build a relationship. If you don't think it does, keep them at home and see how much you like them apples.

I do things I don’t want to do all the time for the benefit of my children. Isn’t that standard?

So is your criterion for doing enough that it should be a chore for the GPs?

I don’t expect them to be taken out by anyone other than me

But you expect the GPs to do it. Make your mind up.

You come over as an ingrate.

Original poster

Cherrybizarre · 23/04/2022 22:41

@echt
There are two benefits you've named. Right there.
Sorry can you clarify what the benefits are?

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