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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Ban Nephew From My House?

148 replies

LaylaLovesSteven · 22/04/2022 14:51

This could get long, sorry.
I live in my house with my two DC and my DM, who has lived with us since my Dad died a couple of years ago.
Living together has been tricky at times in terms of working out our roles / responsibilities and just learning to run along together.
One thing about mum living with us is that other relatives assume they can just drop in at any time - generally okay as most people know about manners and not overstaying their welcome, etc. Except my nephew (22)
He will constantly message of a weekend asking what I’m doing and whether he can come round - if I say I’m busy or not there, he’ll ask if he can come and see his Nan - which would be fine, except he will chat to her for ten minutes and then spend hours wandering the house, using my son’s computer and games consoles and messing up his stuff. My mum doesn’t seem to see a problem and won’t enforce any sort of boundaries, but will complain about him afterwards. Last week, we were away and my son specifically asked his Nan not to tell my nephew go into his room and use his things. Of course, nephew turns up, stays all day long, plays on games and computer - and breaks my son’s camera. I’m furious, and dreading the inevitable text from my nephew asking if he can come over this weekend. Even if I say no, I know he will just turn up - AIBU to refuse him entry if he does?

OP posts:

ChuckMater · 22/04/2022 14:57

Hes 22.. tell him to stay out of your sons room and to replace the camera

10HailMarys · 22/04/2022 14:58

I would say 'You can come round for a cuppa and a chat with Nan, but you are not to touch any of DS's things or go into his room. We've asked Nan to tell you this before, but it seems that she hasn't - so I'm telling you instead. DS's room is his private space and you need to stay out of it.'

EnterFunnyNameHere · 22/04/2022 14:59

Get a pock for your sons room? But certainly tell your nephew in no uncertain terms that he is not allowed to go into your sons room or touch any of his things!!

RandomUser10093 · 22/04/2022 15:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TweetTweetMF · 22/04/2022 15:01

Tell him to replace your sons camera? He's 22 ffs. You need to grow a back bone.

AryaStarkWolf · 22/04/2022 15:02

I realise he's an adult at 22 but would it be worth having a chat with either his mother or father (whichever one is your sibling)

freedomhereicome · 22/04/2022 15:02

Fuck that. He's an adult. I assumed nephew would be one of the child variety

First off he wouldn't be allowed back in MY house until he had paid for the broken camera.

I think it's important to note it your and your family's house. Not your mums. You have control here.

Your kids also deserve to feel their home especially their room is their safe space.

If he can't stick to the rules he's no longer welcome. I wouldn't get a lock for their doors because frankly it shouldn't get to that point. Your house. Your rules. Otherwise he's not welcome.

StoneofDestiny · 22/04/2022 15:04

I'd tell him he is not welcome in your house unless you are there, and only with prearrangement. Tell him why. Tell him he needs to replace the camera or give you the money to do so, and until that happens he is not welcome at all.

SammyScrounge · 22/04/2022 15:04

Demand he pays for the camera, then bar him from your home until he has grown up. If he still turns up, forget politeness and shut the door in his face

Maddiemoosmum0203 · 22/04/2022 15:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 22/04/2022 15:06

You tell your mum, nephew and his parents that the camera needs to be paid for and that, as you won't be putting a lock on your son's door your nephew can no longer visit and expect to get the run of the house, your son's possessions. Enough is enough!

Your mum is going to have to manage her own interactions with him. She can put him out whenever she wants to.

But mostly, at 22, he has to grow up.

TheBatKeeper · 22/04/2022 15:07

Oh you want to see your Nan, well I am sure she would be delighted to be taken out for a coffee and cake.

If he is too thick skinned to get that you know what MN say about the word NO

OctopusSay · 22/04/2022 15:08

This must be unusual behaviour from a 22yo man surely?

It's lovely that he regularly visits Nan, but actually I think I'd be worried about him in respect of the rest of the behaviour. Is he OK? I have a 21yo and I'd be very concerned.

Bettygirl · 22/04/2022 15:09

Sit him down and remind him that he is a grown assed man so should understand the concept of boundaries and personal property. I would tell him he is welcome to visit his grandmother and a time that is convenient for everyone but a further repetition of his childish behaviour will mean he is no longer welcome in your home.

RandomMess · 22/04/2022 15:13

Tell him he can't set in your home but he is welcome to
Take his Nan out.

ThreeLittleDots · 22/04/2022 15:30

YANBU to say he can't come into your home.

SScoobiedoo · 22/04/2022 15:35

I'm pretty sure if he Arrives on the doorstep DG will let him in whether you are there or not.
I would get locks on DS door. Saves pointless discussions with DGM about him.

420Bruh · 22/04/2022 15:40

You've already been unreasonable for allowing this to go on thus far. Your nephew is an adult, tell him straight.

FabFitFifties · 22/04/2022 15:42

You need a firm word with your mum as well as your nephew. Unless you feel she is too frail and vulnerable, she needs to enforce house rules when you aren't there. If she is vulnerable, I would tell he can only visit when you are home. He is not allowed to wander into bedrooms, as a visitor. He needs to replace camera, within set time frame, allowing payment plan if needed, or he is banned.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 22/04/2022 15:46

He is 22, not 2. A firm message about when he is allowed to be there is needed. but with your DM in the house, you will have trouble enforcing this.

gamerchick · 22/04/2022 15:50

You could fit a door knob with a key lock so your son can lock his room while you're sorting it out. They're easy to fit. Nephew might lose interest if he cant get in there.

LampLighter414 · 22/04/2022 16:07

You need to set boundaries with you mum about how long people stay and that she should be stopping guests from using your children's possessions and perhaps a more general trend of trying to go out for coffee etc with family rather than them just turning up at your home.

If she won't budge, maybe it's time for her to live on her own again or one of your siblings can have her. Maybe with your nephews parents?

diddl · 22/04/2022 16:08

It's baffling that this happened more than once!

Your poor son.

And what is your mum thinking?

He obviously doesn't really want to see her so it should be a flat no!

Solmum1964 · 22/04/2022 16:21

@LaylaLovesSteven Is your son's games console played through the internet? Is it possible to disconnect from the wifi whilst you are out?
I know you shouldn't have to but it may encourage nephew to leave sooner.

2catsandhappy · 22/04/2022 16:28

What has he said about breaking the camera? Start with that.

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