A man has been watching my house for months. Awful experience with police who won't do anything.

[Lightintheroom]

Since before Christmas, a man has been watching my house. He stands on the other side of the road and stares right up at the house for up to ten minutes at a time.

It started because DH (politely) asked him to stop parking across our drive every day.

DH works away a lot and I WFH meaning it's usually only me at home when he does it. I've reported this twice to the police online. Neither of us have approached or spoken to the man since DH asked him not to block our drive.

I've now had a call from the police who asked for details, then said there is nothing they can do. He's not breaking the law by watching the house and it's below the level for prosecution.

I've had my car tampered with, I'm often alone at home and I just wanted them to speak to him and tell him to stop. I know roughly where he lives further up the road. They won't do anything.

The police officer made me feel like an idiot. I said I'm worried he'll do something, it's making me feel uncomfortable and scared and I just want him to stop.

As they won't be doing anything, I said the only thing I can think of doing is approaching him (while recording on my phone) and telling him to stop watching my house and to leave me alone.

The officer completely turned on me and said they would be recording what I'd just said in their notes and that if I was really "in fear" that I would not approach him and that I was just "looking for a reaction" from this man.

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

I made the point that it was harrassment, stalking even, and that there's currently a BTP campaign on the tube around staring at women.

I cried. Like a fool I cried on the phone to the police because the officer was so unhelpful and essentially told me I wasn't scared of this man at all.

I'm not expecting him to be charged with something, I just want someone to tell him to stop.

Do you think your neighbor and the business owner would be willing to also file complaints? That might help. I would make a report every time you see him.

Apologies as I’ve only read OP’s posts but have you considered reporting it as ASB to the council? Every time it happens. If no action is taken by police or council you could access the community trigger for a review. Your situation made me think of a recent case in the news which escalated from a parking dispute so I think I’d want as many formal records of the behaviour as possible.

Also a side note but if your CCTV covers an area outside the boundary of your property you have responsibilities under GDPR for the data - in case he decides to cause problems about that - I can’t post a link but Google ICO and CCTV.

have you tried your local council anti-social behaviour/community safety team.
and/or local councillor ?
also could you add dash cams, front and rear, in your car. these could be activated by movement.
do not approach the individual yourself.
there have been several tragic cases that started as neighbour disputes.
all the best.

Can you get the NDN and business opposite to also call the police and say he is bothering them?

you must report this further, it sounds awful

I would start a YouTube channel called strange man who stares at my house.
9pAnd keep posting everytime

I would make a complaint regarding the individual officer, she needs training or words of advice as the service she provided was simply unacceptable.

I would want to know if one of my team were responding to complaints this way

Keep calling and I would be submitting a complaint about the person you spoke to. That is scary, sorry this is happening to you.

This is awful and could so easily escalate! I would complain OP.

She did speak to a female officer

Please don't approach him. That's the worst thing you could do. You would need a witness anyway or it's his word against yours etc.

Presumably the officer you spoke to gave you her name and collar number? I'd go to the local station and ask to speak to the officer's superior. I don't know how you described the man's actions, but maybe you should use the words harassment and intimidation if you didn't before. Also flag up you are alone much of the time.

That police officer is a victim blaming bastard.

Totally agree. Last year I was threatened, sworn at and spat at by a tradesman on my doorstep (long story, he tried to rip me off, I'd won the case, he arrived out the blue, fuming at me) and I was genuinely in fear of harm. I was alone. I phoned the police and a male officer told me everyone has 'different tolerances for being frightened' and they wouldn't take it further. They may as well have said 'don't be a hysterical little girl.'

Lost total faith in the police now. Misogyny is rife. I was raped as a young teenager in the 90s and there's no way I'd report it after that treatment (I was considering coming forward for closure/justice).

This is so awful for you. I've had a similar experience years ago. I've no idea of your friend's and family situation but for me after a couple of days of being watched or started at near my home my three older (huge soldier) big brothers, two brother's in law, my dad, my husband , three friends and my mum(who is teeny but scary when angry!) all drove over at the same time odd bod bloke was lurking about. They all got out of their cars at the same time, stood next to me on our drive and we all just stared at him. No threats, no words, no one even moved, we just stood and stared back at him and some of my 'body guards' put their arms around me. He looked like a rabbit in headlights and after a couple of minutes he wandered off and we never saw him again, all that week I had someone with me staying over whenever my husband was away, we got camera's installed and that was ten years ago. If you can do the same that's my story for you to try and if you cannot I really don't know what to suggest but don't approach him. Maybe asked your husband or a friend to speak to him and record it . Hope it gets sorted!

I'd go to the local station and ask to speak to the officer's superior.

I don't think it works like that any more. Most forces have a professional standards department to make a complaint to in the first instance.

Op, I'd make a complaint using whatever channel your local force provides, but I'd simultaneously make another report and ask for a different officer in the hope that you just had a bad experience with one (perhaps inexperienced?) officer. As others have said, if buying a Ring doorbell is an option for you, I'd recommend getting one. Evidence of a pattern of behaviour is needed.

I probably wouldn't suggest doing anything that may be perceived to escalate the situation, which may be what the officer you spoke to meant.

I agree with you, that the right officer with the right approach would explain to him that his behaviour is perceived by you as intimidating. A quiet word may be enough to stop him doing this.

Outrageous. It makes me laugh how senior police officers make so much of how they listen to the public and will ensure better service in the future, but all it amounts to by the time it filters down to the people on the ground is a box ticking exercise. It's the same with "customer service". In both cases the senior people should do regular stints on the coal face so they see what is actually going on.

I think you have just been unlucky to speak to an officer who doesn't seem to care. I would have dealt with it differently as would the officers on my team.

With our force, individual officers keep any harassment jobs - so if a further occurrence is reported it goes back to the original officer - so it makes sense for the officer to 'nip it in bud' early so they don't have loads of jobs on their queue.

Keep reporting it - and you can ask for another officer to attend. You can also ask to speak to the original officers supervision - its a separate thing to the official complaint.

As you don't seem to have read even the OP's posts on this thread, I will take you view on her speaking with the original officer's superior with a pinch of salt @Whatafustercluck. She's already put a CCTV camera up.

As is your right @WeAreTheHeroes but there's really no need to take offence. I may not have read all the op's posts, but I have worked in policing for 20 years and do know a bit about how the complaints system works and was therefore offering some advice. Access to superiors these days is very limited, sadly.

fwiw, ive noticed on the app, you cannot click to read just OPs posts. I dont know if that is only since the "upgrade" or if its always been that way, because i only recently downloaded it, but its a feature thats really useful on the website because it can be hard to filter relevent information without it in order to give best advice

Have you spoken to www.suzylamplugh.org
i don’t know if there’s anything they can do to support you??

I am not trying to belittle your concerns and I can see why you’d think it, the cat thing was likely not to be him, it is a very very very common crime at the moment done by organised gangs targeting areas.

Call or email your local station and ask for a copy of their complaints policy and follow it to the letter. In the meantime, you may find it helpful to contact and talk to the Suzy Lamplugh Trust - www.suzylamplugh.org/ - we use them for training our workers who have to visit businesses on their own.

I am very sorry that you are being made to feel uncomfortable in your own home.

Spoke to a police officer and asked them about this.
They said as a minimum the officer should have asked them to stop/spoken to them/told them it was harassing that person, so even if they used the “I’m bird watching” excuse they have been told it is upsetting you and should now amend their behaviour. Also you having footage should have been looked at.
They recommended putting a complaint in/ask someone else to deal with it.

Definitely complain.

Many years ago a relative received horrid phone calls from someone (she had a publicly available contact number due to her business). They were vile and the police did nothing. Even when through her own investigations she managed to figure out who it was. The best advice given was ‘Is your husband big? Why don’t you get him to go and have a quiet word?’. They even said that a visit from the police could be seen as discrimination (towards the pervert).

I was under the impression that things were different nowadays but old habits clearly die hard so I would definitely be making a complaint. Follow the proper procedure (whatever that is) but include your MP and Crime Commissioner. It’s an absolute disgrace that they are brushing you off like this. This man could be dangerous.