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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a boundary one!

170 replies

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 19/04/2022 20:34

Moved house 3 months ago. Next door neighbours seem fine, however about a month ago the lady collared me as I was setting off on the school run to ask about popping into the front garden to access something. I had my 2yr old kicking off as standard and was quite distracted so (also wanting to be an amenable neighbour) said yes fine and set off on my way. A week or so later, I came home to find her sitting on my driveway weeding. Before I had a chance to ask what she was doing, my 4yr old innocently asked why she was sitting in our garden to which she replied “well this bit is actually my garden” 😳
I asked what she meant and she began waffling about how the boundary goes beyond the fence they erected and this strip of land is actually hers, she just hasn’t been able to access the garden to weed it for some time. Confused and again distracted by the kids, I went inside and relayed the conversation to OH who was NOT happy, especially after getting the title deeds out which shows the boundary line as being in line with the brickwork of our garage. Since viewing the property, a single bit of fencing has been erected attached to our garage, and a wire fence has been added by next door which is in line with this. Where she was weeding and where she claims is her land is on the other side of this (in our garden).
Yesterday, without asking if they could come into the garden to do so, they have now put down weed matting along this strip.
OH is raging, mainly at me for allowing them to come into the garden the first time when they asked to and for not setting them straight when they began weeding etc, he has said I have to sort this with them and tell them clearly they have to remove the matting and that we recognise the boundary as being where the title deeds depict it and that as a fence has been put in line with that prior to us moving in, they cannot now change the narrative to “actually that strip of land on the other side of the fence is ours and always has been”, despite the title deeds showing the boundary to be in line with the brickwork of my garage and the fence being in line with this too.
I HATE confrontation, even when I’m in the right feel guilty and uncomfortable like I’m doing something terribly wrong in asserting myself or opposing something, and usually end up getting shouted down and back down.
Dreading this conversation. Has everything I’ve said made sense? Have they got a leg to stand on if I say take the matting away and stay on your side of the fence? Am I about to make a dick of myself and an enemy in my new neighbours?

OP posts:
Londongent · 20/04/2022 08:29

Could do with a diagram, but as others have said just pop round and explained that you have checked the deeds and that is your land, and show her a copy. Make sure she sees this and agrees. If she does not, that is when you have a problem

WillYouDoTheFandango · 20/04/2022 08:29

Who cares if she’s annoyed that her attempt to steal a strip of your land didn’t work? I’m all for being non-confrontational but you can’t just let this go and hope she doesn’t turn into an even bigger cheeky fucker.

ps your DH sounds like a dick. Teaching you a lesson FFS.

oviraptor21 · 20/04/2022 08:39

I would just be aware that their deeds may show something different. So don't go in all guns blazing (I suspect you wouldn't from your posts anyway). Just say you've checked your deeds and unless theirs say something different they should move their matting.
If the deeds are different then you will need to decide if it's worth getting a boundary survey done and possibly solicitors involved.

Original poster
Toomuchtooyoung01 · 20/04/2022 09:45

Just popped round there and spoke to the husband, showed him the title deeds and said that’s where we observe the boundary as being and would ask that they do the same. He said the boundary is actually the kerb stone (???) and it’s a confusing layout but that’s the same across all properties in the road (showed me his other neighbours house as a reference, their pathway is in line with his garage). Said that there had been grass on our driveway which he had always mown and could show us old
photos of this.
2yr old was going apeshit in the pushchair as standard so very disjointed conversation that we left as OH will have a chat with him about it as it was literally impossible to talk properly with my son kicking and screaming and almost tipping the pushchair over in one of his random rages 🙄
Worried OH is going to get angry and we’re going to end up falling out with our neighbours and have all kinds of awkwardness forever more 😬

OP posts:
Londongent · 20/04/2022 09:58

The boundary is what is in the deeds, not what your NDN thinks they are. Remove any of their property on your land and return to them

helpfulperson · 20/04/2022 10:04

I agree with PP who said be aware their deeds may show something different. It seems such an odd thing to claims it may well have some legal basis. Have you measured it out? The garage may not be where it was when the drawing were done. My whole street has a issue whereby the back wall doesn't sit on the boundary and ends up being discussed everytime someone buys or sells.

ZerotwoZero · 20/04/2022 10:10

OP you need to take your documents round and request they no longer use it, they may think they can take ownership of the land through Adverse Possession becoming the legal owner of land by possessing it for a specified period of time.

So to prevent this going any further put your foot down.

amicissimma · 20/04/2022 10:11

What's all this talk of confrontation? No need to be confrontational. Just go round, show her the deeds and point out that as you've just moved in they are up to date. Then ask them politely to leave your property alone. If you want to engage further and they talk about what is the case for other properties, just say you would rather stick with the legal agreement as per the deeds and not get involved with other scenarios.

If they argue suggest that they discuss it with a solicitor. 'I'm sorry you don't agree with what I understand the legal position to be. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to check with a solicitor.'

Then say you need to go now and goodbye.

Bunty55 · 20/04/2022 10:32

I don't understand this sport of tomfoolery. Why take a child in a pushchair round to talk about something so important?

JustLyra · 20/04/2022 10:37

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 20/04/2022 09:45

Just popped round there and spoke to the husband, showed him the title deeds and said that’s where we observe the boundary as being and would ask that they do the same. He said the boundary is actually the kerb stone (???) and it’s a confusing layout but that’s the same across all properties in the road (showed me his other neighbours house as a reference, their pathway is in line with his garage). Said that there had been grass on our driveway which he had always mown and could show us old
photos of this.
2yr old was going apeshit in the pushchair as standard so very disjointed conversation that we left as OH will have a chat with him about it as it was literally impossible to talk properly with my son kicking and screaming and almost tipping the pushchair over in one of his random rages 🙄
Worried OH is going to get angry and we’re going to end up falling out with our neighbours and have all kinds of awkwardness forever more 😬

It doesn’t matter what the houses across the road are like.

just take your title deeds, show them and tell them that they need to stay on their side of the fence going forward.

No need for prolonged conversations or confrontations

Quartz2208 · 20/04/2022 10:49

There are lots about how angry your OH is going to be and undertones of how scared you are - is that normal

BruceAndNosh · 20/04/2022 11:01

You were caught out by Mrs NDN the first time because your 2 year old was kicking off, so why on earth did you take the same toddler with you when you went to clarify things with Mr NDN?
The last thing delicate boundary discussions need is a tantrumming child

Original poster
Toomuchtooyoung01 · 20/04/2022 11:03

Thanks everyone for your messages.
@Bunty55 dont have a choice other than to take DS with me (everywhere I go!) as OH is at work and nobody local to assist me with childcare.
Neighbour seemed irritated and as much as i repeated we the title deeds he repeated that the boundary is where the kerb is 😭😭😭

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 20/04/2022 11:15

Go on line and check the title deeds for his house and see where they say the boundary line is. Then wait until your husband is I'd home to look after the toddler and go round for a proper discussion.

Malbecfan · 20/04/2022 11:17

Oh dear OP. I had similar with a large landowner here telling me that "this ancient stone is the boundary". Luckily I had my wonderful NDN with me who laughed and said "the stone I put there 20+ years ago and move every time I cut the grass?" The landowner was suitably embarrassed and shortly afterwards withdrew his planning application which insinuated that my land was his.

As others have said, go onto the Land Registry website and download both sets of deeds (£3 each). There are some scam sites out there so be careful. Invite neighbours round for a coffee, distract toddler with TV/screen and politely explain it. Good luck

inventinglouise · 20/04/2022 11:52

Wait until toddler is in bed or OH is at home to look after him, surely? Then show the neighbour your title deeds and ask to see his.

Original poster
Toomuchtooyoung01 · 20/04/2022 11:55

Showed the neighbour the title deeds earlier and he just ignored it and kept talking about the boundary being where the kerb is, quite adamantly

OP posts:
NamelessGhoul · 20/04/2022 12:02

Download his deeds. It will cost you under a fiver and put it to rest once and for all.

BonnyandPoppy · 20/04/2022 12:07

I would definitely download his title deeds too and then get your husband to go round and sort it out. Hopefully his house is on the land registery website (our neighbours aren’t as they have both lived here for over 60 years!)

BonnyandPoppy · 20/04/2022 12:09

I would also put up a new fence of your own just inside the boundary against their fence (which doesn’t sound very secure)

Londongent · 20/04/2022 12:10

Yes download the deeds and as long as you are sure you are correct, block their access onto your property.
Any chance of a diagram?

knittingaddict · 20/04/2022 12:12

Bunty55 · 20/04/2022 10:32

I don't understand this sport of tomfoolery. Why take a child in a pushchair round to talk about something so important?

It doesn't make sense does it?

Wait until your husband is home, he can look after your child and step in if necessary or he can deal with it all himself. No way would I take a small child who is known to kick off to deal with this. It's ridiculous, but mn often is. Not like real life at all. 🤔

BrinksmansEntry · 20/04/2022 12:13

"Thanks for doing that weeding, you forgot your matt though. I was so distracted by the toddler tantrum I forgot to say that we checked the deeds and the fence boundary is in the right place. Bye!"

Brefugee · 20/04/2022 12:13

I don't know why everyone is calling the OP's DH a dick. He isn't wrong is he? they asked OP and it would be natural for OP to go back and say "i was distracted when you asked, i have since checked the deeds and that bit of land is ours. Please remove the matting"

Anxiety can be awful but you are a grown up and really ought to take responsibility. DH coming at this from out of the blue just likes you sent your big brother round, tbh.

In his shoes, i would say the same thing: you ere the one they originally spoke to, you speak to them again.

SunnydayeverythingsAOK · 20/04/2022 12:15

Going against the grain here, but....title deed plans are notoriously unreliable though, the scale of the plans is tiny. I would have a chat with some of the others neighbours and try to ascertain whether what your NDN is saying is correct, about them all having the odd boundary. If so, and if ownership of that strip of land makes no tangible difference to you, I'd probably let it go. It's not worth a huge fight (financially and for neighbourly relations) if it's just a small strip of land which sounds like it was neglected anyway. If they want to come and weed it, then is it such a big deal?