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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It’s a boundary one!

170 replies

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 19/04/2022 20:34

Moved house 3 months ago. Next door neighbours seem fine, however about a month ago the lady collared me as I was setting off on the school run to ask about popping into the front garden to access something. I had my 2yr old kicking off as standard and was quite distracted so (also wanting to be an amenable neighbour) said yes fine and set off on my way. A week or so later, I came home to find her sitting on my driveway weeding. Before I had a chance to ask what she was doing, my 4yr old innocently asked why she was sitting in our garden to which she replied “well this bit is actually my garden” 😳
I asked what she meant and she began waffling about how the boundary goes beyond the fence they erected and this strip of land is actually hers, she just hasn’t been able to access the garden to weed it for some time. Confused and again distracted by the kids, I went inside and relayed the conversation to OH who was NOT happy, especially after getting the title deeds out which shows the boundary line as being in line with the brickwork of our garage. Since viewing the property, a single bit of fencing has been erected attached to our garage, and a wire fence has been added by next door which is in line with this. Where she was weeding and where she claims is her land is on the other side of this (in our garden).
Yesterday, without asking if they could come into the garden to do so, they have now put down weed matting along this strip.
OH is raging, mainly at me for allowing them to come into the garden the first time when they asked to and for not setting them straight when they began weeding etc, he has said I have to sort this with them and tell them clearly they have to remove the matting and that we recognise the boundary as being where the title deeds depict it and that as a fence has been put in line with that prior to us moving in, they cannot now change the narrative to “actually that strip of land on the other side of the fence is ours and always has been”, despite the title deeds showing the boundary to be in line with the brickwork of my garage and the fence being in line with this too.
I HATE confrontation, even when I’m in the right feel guilty and uncomfortable like I’m doing something terribly wrong in asserting myself or opposing something, and usually end up getting shouted down and back down.
Dreading this conversation. Has everything I’ve said made sense? Have they got a leg to stand on if I say take the matting away and stay on your side of the fence? Am I about to make a dick of myself and an enemy in my new neighbours?

OP posts:

tryingtosettle · 19/04/2022 20:37

"Hi Jane, not sure if there's been a misunderstanding but we've checked our deeds and this bit of land is actually ours. You may want to check your own deeds but we'll be needing our space back so if you want to remove your XYZ that would be good."

Maydaysoonenough · 19/04/2022 20:38

Imo you take it all down yourself and leave it on her doorstep. Print off the deeds and post her a copy. Tonight.

Moochio · 19/04/2022 20:40

Why are you having to do it? Why can't he do it? Why can't you go together. Your DH is being a dick.

Pyri · 19/04/2022 20:41

Yep just take a copy of the deeds and show her, it really doesn’t need to be a big drama

yoyo1234 · 19/04/2022 20:41

Love what trying to settle has said. Should attach a copy of your title plan as well. As you moved in not long ago your o do so.s probably sent you a copy to check, so easy to cop

yoyo1234 · 19/04/2022 20:43

Sorry bad internet. Basically you should have a copy of your deeds available from the house purchase.

carefullycourageous · 19/04/2022 20:43

You only have to say a few sentences, along the lines of: "We have checked the deeds and they show the boundary to be . Unless you get a solicitor's letter saying something different, we are going by what is on the deeds. So please don't access that piece of land any more."

Original poster

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 19/04/2022 20:44

@Moochio
I would so prefer it if he went and had the conversation! He is annoyed with me as he said I wasn’t paying proper attention and I’m not doing so it’s created an awkward situation, so now I’ve got to have the awkward conversation to sort it out. Think he’s trying to teach me a lesson 🙄
He is also concerned that he looks like the ogre if I’ve given the impression we’re ok with all this pisstaking and then he appears and confronts them (never having met them - works a lot)
He has said if they refuse to remove the matting he will do it himself and if they continue to push boundaries (pun intended) then in his words he will have to be the one to have the argument.

OP posts:

NatriumChloride · 19/04/2022 20:45

Your DH can easily sort this out. Or you can both go together.
“Hello Norma and Stan. Just to let you know. We checked our deeds and have actually brought them along to show you - that strip of land is ours. Sorry that there was a misunderstanding but now that we’ve checked this, please don’t access the area and please remove the matting when you can. Cheers!”

FOJN · 19/04/2022 20:47

Well if they're trying to steal part of your garden in such a blatant and entitled fashion then I don't think they're going to be happy but that wouldn't worry me. They know what they're doing so I wouldn't tiptoe around trying to manage things diplomatically.

As a PP said I would simply post a note telling them you've checked the deeds and they are mistaken about ownership of that strip of garden and you'd like them to come and remove the matting. You could also call your conveyancing Solicitor to check.

Shopboughtmeatballs · 19/04/2022 20:49

I believe that the deeds are the end of it.
Just take round a copy. No need to have a fight as it might very genuinely be a misunderstanding. ()
You can say something like :
"Hi xxx. Look, I was a bit unclear after yesterday where the boundary is so I dug out the deeds to our property and it seems that actually, that bit is ours. Obviously I don't want to fall out over this but equally it's important we get this right from the start so you'll need to remove the matting. "

Gizacluethen · 19/04/2022 20:51

Just take the deeds round. "Hi neighbour, seeks there's been a bit of confusion. The title deeds state the boundary is along this fence so everything on our side is ours. You can pop round to remove your matting if you want but otherwise please don't use our garden. "

theremustonlybeone · 19/04/2022 20:53

remove the matting and if your too anxious to speak to the neighbours then your DH is going to have to do it. Him suggesting its your fault when you were distracted with the kids is him being an arse.The neighbour is at fault

Vsirbdo · 19/04/2022 20:54

Your DH is being an idiot; that sounds like something that would happen to me quite easily and I’d expect DH to help me then sort it out.

Vamoosh80 · 19/04/2022 20:55

The deeds say it all. As others have suggested, you could just say something along the lines of "I was explaining the situation to my OH and he wasn't sure that accorded with the details we reviewed when we purchased. We've checked the deeds and he's right. Apologies for my misunderstanding." I suspect they will be difficult about it as normal people wouldn't be doing what they appear to be doing (blatantly taking over a patch of your land) but they don't have a leg to stand on legally (I'm a solicitor).

roastedsaltedpeanut · 19/04/2022 20:56

How annoying for you. I hate confrontation too but perhaps this is a good opportunity to stand up for yourself. This must be nipped in the bud.

If the neighbours were bullish they would have done it without asking you. They sound like opportunists from your description and such people are easiest to defuse. Be bolder, louder and stronger than them and they will be good as gold from now on.
Sort this issue now. establish your authority and boundary before it becomes a real headache.

Lou98 · 19/04/2022 20:59

As others have said, it could be a genuine misunderstanding so I wouldn't go in arguing. I would just go round tomorrow and explain that you've looked at the deeds and it is actually yours so if they could remove the matting etc.

It would make sense for you and your DH to go round together - if he goes himself and they are taking the piss rather than a genuine misunderstanding, you'll probably find they try it on with you every time they see you're alone, whereas if you go together it shows you're both on the same page.
You shouldn't be expected to go alone if you're worried about it though, being taken aback in the moment, especially with young kids in tow, doesn't mean you're to blame

JenniferPlantain · 19/04/2022 21:12

Boundary stuff aside, your OH is being a bit of a prick. What happened to teamwork as a couple? He has no authority over you to demand you do anything.

ForeverLooking · 19/04/2022 21:13

I also hate confrontation so can imagine how you are feeling. As others have suggested, print off a copy of the deeds and knock on the door. Apologise for not being able to stop and talk the other day to clarify the garden situation and show the deeds saying the garden does belong to you. If they get funny or snippy about it, firmly reiterate that the land belongs to you according to the deeds, give them the copy and leave. Remove any products they have placed down and return to them. I do think your DH is being a bit twatty about it -he should back you up and go with you.

Poshjock · 19/04/2022 21:17

Your DH is a dick. Given his complete lack of understanding of how the miscommunication with your neighbour came about - and trying to bully you into dealing with it when you are clearly not comfortable. Tell him to deal with it seeing as he seems to be quite clear in his mind how he wants to go about it and take a step back from it. Trying to teach you a lesson

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/04/2022 21:24

So are they saying that they put their fence up short of their actual boundary, knowing that would mean they'd have to access the extra strip from your property - instead of doing the common sense thing of putting their fence right up to their boundary (had what they claim actually been their boundary)?! Why would anybody ever do that!

Even if they were correct, what on earth would be the point of weeding and maintaining a strip of land that they can't actually see or enjoy - because they put their fence in the 'wrong' place?!

I wonder if they're trying it on with a view to 'correcting' the position of the fence at a later date, by moving it back to enclose your land, once they've 'established' that it supposedly is their land as 'well, we've been the ones maintaining it'.

As PPs have said, show them the deeds and TELL nicely but very firmly them that they need to remove their matting, as you WILL be using YOUR land. I'd also be inclined to ask why they put their fence where they did in the first place, knowing that would mean they couldn't then access part of what they believed to be their land.

Tactfully assume and treat it like it was a 'misunderstanding' - and now it's been resolved beyond any legal doubt, they need to retreat. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, but be clear and forthright with them - no apologies or 'would you minds'.

By the way, your DH doesn't sound very kind at all. It was hardly your grand failing by saying 'yeah, whatever' when battling a toddler and caught off-guard. If you lack confidence whereas he is happy with confrontation, he is the obvious choice of the two of you for this particular task. Instructing you as to what you 'need to do to mend your ways' is really very unpleasant indeed.

TwoDaysOff · 19/04/2022 21:26

@Pyri

Yep just take a copy of the deeds and show her, it really doesn’t need to be a big drama

this

Maydaysoonenough · 19/04/2022 21:33

We had a ramshackle fence . We built a wall. Ndn went ape shit.. In reality they owed us half a brick when the builder worked to the deeds...
Never spoke to us again!!
And it was them what had robbed us all those years..
Half a brick I tell you!!
Half a friggin brick!!
Won't even start on about ndn the other side and the new fence!!

WonderfulYou · 19/04/2022 21:36

I agree.

I’d just pop round and say you’ve only just realised. Nothing to fall out or argue about.

I disagree with posters saying your DH or both of you go round.
You told her it was ok and so it’s only right you say it’s not.

Sarkymarky · 19/04/2022 21:45

Ok if the neighbours boundary line is as the neighbour stated WHY have they only just REALISED. Could it be because they are trying it on because they see you as a soft touch? The answer is yes they do, well you go girl and prove you are not a soft touch do as pp have said copy of the deeds then ask them to remove their things off your property.

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