It’s a boundary one!

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

Moved house 3 months ago. Next door neighbours seem fine, however about a month ago the lady collared me as I was setting off on the school run to ask about popping into the front garden to access something. I had my 2yr old kicking off as standard and was quite distracted so (also wanting to be an amenable neighbour) said yes fine and set off on my way. A week or so later, I came home to find her sitting on my driveway weeding. Before I had a chance to ask what she was doing, my 4yr old innocently asked why she was sitting in our garden to which she replied “well this bit is actually my garden” 😳
I asked what she meant and she began waffling about how the boundary goes beyond the fence they erected and this strip of land is actually hers, she just hasn’t been able to access the garden to weed it for some time. Confused and again distracted by the kids, I went inside and relayed the conversation to OH who was NOT happy, especially after getting the title deeds out which shows the boundary line as being in line with the brickwork of our garage. Since viewing the property, a single bit of fencing has been erected attached to our garage, and a wire fence has been added by next door which is in line with this. Where she was weeding and where she claims is her land is on the other side of this (in our garden).
Yesterday, without asking if they could come into the garden to do so, they have now put down weed matting along this strip.
OH is raging, mainly at me for allowing them to come into the garden the first time when they asked to and for not setting them straight when they began weeding etc, he has said I have to sort this with them and tell them clearly they have to remove the matting and that we recognise the boundary as being where the title deeds depict it and that as a fence has been put in line with that prior to us moving in, they cannot now change the narrative to “actually that strip of land on the other side of the fence is ours and always has been”, despite the title deeds showing the boundary to be in line with the brickwork of my garage and the fence being in line with this too.
I HATE confrontation, even when I’m in the right feel guilty and uncomfortable like I’m doing something terribly wrong in asserting myself or opposing something, and usually end up getting shouted down and back down.
Dreading this conversation. Has everything I’ve said made sense? Have they got a leg to stand on if I say take the matting away and stay on your side of the fence? Am I about to make a dick of myself and an enemy in my new neighbours?

If they are weird enough to do this, they are likely to kick off when challenged. Your husband needs to go with you as support.

I think you should be the one to try to sort it initially. Don't be afraid though, you're clearly in the right. If they're remotely decent people, (outlook not so good), they'll acquiesce. In reality if they try to argue or kick off, just say 'I'm sorry I need to go now, I don't know where you got the idea that our garden is yours but please don't use anything in our side from now on, bye'

Good luck. You can do this.

@tryingtosettle

"Hi Jane, not sure if there's been a misunderstanding but we've checked our deeds and this bit of land is actually ours. You may want to check your own deeds but we'll be needing our space back so if you want to remove your XYZ that would be good."

This. If they then kick off, you can escalate the problem to OH.

This is how we deal with 'problem' neighbours anyway.

With CF, you need to set out your limits early or they will inch by inch start taking the mile. Confrontation is never fun but imagine how bad it will be when they claim part of your garden?

Show them the deeds, piece of cake.

Thanks everyone for your messages! I know I’ll sound really wimpy here (sorry) but I’m worried she’s going to be annoyed and have a go after she spent an afternoon weeding quite a big patch. What should my response be if she kicks off about it?

@Toomuchtooyoung01

Thanks everyone for your messages! I know I’ll sound really wimpy here (sorry) but I’m worried she’s going to be annoyed and have a go after she spent an afternoon weeding quite a big patch. What should my response be if she kicks off about it?

Thank you so much for weeding our garden?

Could you get a copy of their deeds too and present both matching deeds to make it absolutely clear that the fenced in land is all yours.

Your response could be
Here are the deeds its my garden, you are trespassing so I could call the police, but as we all have to live on the street together, I would rather be on civil terms so I am asking you to leave now please, and dont access my garden in future. Thank you

Why does this not warrant a diagram even out of noseyness?

yes, keep it light for now, just something like, 'I was a bit puzzled so I got the deeds out and checked them and it shows that the fence is the boundary, so I am going to have to ask you to take up the matting, or we can do it for you'. And leave it there. It may escalate, but you have tried to keep it friendly, and then she can decide from there if she wants to be a CF.

@Toomuchtooyoung01

Thanks everyone for your messages! I know I’ll sound really wimpy here (sorry) but I’m worried she’s going to be annoyed and have a go after she spent an afternoon weeding quite a big patch. What should my response be if she kicks off about it?

As I said, neighbour, I was a bit confused but was busy when you asked me, so checked it out as quickly as I was able. Sorry if you feel that way.

Be very nice.
The nicer and calmer you are, the nicer and calmer the other person usually is.

However if she does kick off tell her it’s her own fault as she’s lived there longer so she should have known the boundary lines.

Ok, step one: Tell your husband to calm down and you will go around together and talk to them. He needs to be there as a witness in case things get difficult.

Step two: They know exactly what they are doing here and are taking advantage of you. If they kick off, walk away. Remove the matting, fold it and place it in their garden.

Be firm but polite. You can do this!

Just show her the deeds. No confrontation needed. You need to be more self assertive and your 'DH' is being an arse.

This is YOUR property!

Just say you’ve checked the deeds and the boundary actually shows it’s your garden, not hers, can she check again… if she reckons it’s her boundary she should be able to prove it 🤷‍♀️

You don’t need to be confrontational about it, just say you didn’t remember the land being like that and have checked

Just say sorry she was spent time weeding your garden and... baker her a cake? Invite her for a coffee? Buy her a bunch of flowers? You're going to being neighbours for a while so there is no need to be confrontational.

But you need to put your foot down and assert that it is your land, not hers.

Why is there no diagram?!

Be careful with deeds, boundaries marked on deeds can be inaccurate, and are highly unlikely to be accurate down to the inch - however it does seem somewhat unlikely that the boundary wouldn't run from the edge of your garage, why would their land extend to a few inches in front of your garage? Even more unlikely is them putting a fence up in the wrong place!

GO round, politely say 'We've checked and believe this to be ours as per the fenced boundary, if you believe this to be wrong can you show us where/how/why? Until that time... please remove your stuff, thanks!'

We had something similar in our last house. Try to diffuse potential conflict by being very matter of fact, bright and breezy.

Hi neighbour. Sorry I was in a rush the other day with school run. Have had a look at the deeds and clearly that patch is ours. Happy to give you a copy. We are not sure what we are going to do with the front garden yet but that bit is def ours 😀

the fact that she told you she hadn’t been able to access YOUR garden to weed suggests that the previous owner of your house didn’t agree with her either about that patch of land being hers.

Plus your husband isn’t your boss scolding you for apparently not paying attention rushing out to do school run with a 2 year old so I’d be telling him to f right off with his patter!

"Would you mind moving your matting?"
"Yes I would actually,"
Tell them it needs moving from your land, show title deeds, if they refuse then you need to do and give it back.
You need to pull up the big girl pants.

this

Your DH is being a wimp, is he scared of the neighbours? It’s pretty ridiculous that he’s giving you orders and bossing you around all over the place on something HE clearly feels strongly about but is too lazy to do anything about except via you. Just go around together, be chilled and polite, if she kicks off your DH can handle it as he seems to be very good at giving advice.

I can't understand why she'd even want a random patch of land behind her fence. If someone walked past they wouldn't know it was her land, they'd think it was yours, so what does she care if it needed weeding? Is she going to plant something in it?

I had something like this with a neighbour, I brought round the map from my deeds and showed it to him. I stayed nice and friendly throughout despite the fact that our previous conversation was him shouting abuse at me and screaming that I own nothing.

I did absolutely fuck up though, because the next time I saw him I asked him to stop using my property and predictably he said no, or rather screamed no repeatedly while stamping his foot. In the end the only thing that shifted him was a solicitor's letter.

So from experience tell them it's yours don't give them the option to say no.

I would download from the land registry both hers and your deeds. Then pop by and act the confused and I'm sure you've made a genuine mistake but that's why the fence was where it was.
And show her both sets of deeds (they're about £3 each) There may be an ulterior motive in that she wants a wider drive for parking and is trying to take a bit of yours to save digging up her garden, but it might be a genuine mistake.