To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Seats for everyone throughout the day. Nothing worse than standing awkwardly for three hours between ceremony and meal and reception.

Proper decent food and somewhere to eat it. Again, standing awkwardly with a bite size Yorkshire pudding in one hand and a mini pastry in the other and juggling a glass somewhere is a pain in the arse.

It's your day, and you should have all the photos and bits of the day that you want, just make sure guests are well looked after while they're waiting around in between.

A glass or 2 of champagne and wine on the tables during the meal tends to be the norm, I doubt many people expect a free bar.

the one time I really hated being an evening only invitee was when we arrived and the evenng event wasn't set up and ready. The tables hadn't been completely cleared from the wedding meal, the wedding party was still (I guess) taking a break between the wedding meal and the evening party, the bar was actually shut. We were friends of the parents, had known them many years, absolutely understood not being invited to the wedding (ultra high RC nuptial mass) but we and the other evening folk were just stood aound feeling unwelcome and a bit embarassed. Is there someone you could ask to sort of manage the day for you...keep things on track, be the "go to" if the venue people have questions and so on? and its a hard no from me for favours. :)

We had a limited budget for our wedding. Had very simple (but beautiful) flowers and table decorations (nearly didn't do favours, but ended up buying a bag of chocolate hearts for about £20 and chucked one on each place setting). Didn't bother with fancy wedding cars - no-one sees them. We did our own playlist (each guest picked a song) and used the sound system at the venue. This obviously took time, but it was ended up being so personal and it was nice to sit together of an evening in the build up and create it.

We did post-ceremony drinks and wine during the meal. No drinks provided after this. Substantial wedding breakfast, and used the cake as pudding. Evening BBQ/hog roast.

As long as your cater properly and plentifully, and there is a bar available and a (at least) drink for toasting, guests will be happy. Chuck in some decent music to party to after, and maybe some garden games for during the photos, and job's a good'un!

The favours thing is really bizarre IMO.

I got married 20 years ago an d no one had them. A colleague told me how her mum made fudge for the favours "so it was really cheap abd easy" - yes but not as cheap and easy as nothing! Sorry to those posting, but I really wouldn't want a single flower, or a cheese scone made by the groom, or sunflower seeds, or a tiny glass vial of tea, or a charity donation, or bubbles, or a packet f sweets (all things mentioned here or seen by me at recent weddings). wifi am not five years old and in need of a party bag.

Wrt the event invitation, the one I went to had afternoon tea and then a barbecue for evening; I thought they could have just ditched the tea and got married at about 6pm (it was high summer).As it was, I arrived to find everyone half cut, never saw the happy couple, felt like I'd gone to a party and got the start time wrong. Just invite people to your wedding or don't.

Based on MN:
ONE one night hen local that has no theme.
The only bit that matters is the vows and signing the piece of paper.
Bridesmaids should be few and you shouldn't expect anything of them and pay for everything.
Make sure people don't have to spend a single second where they aren't entertained or fed. Screw your photos. That's not your guests fault.
No Goats Cheese or Mushrooms for the vegans. No vegan food for the vegetarians.
Shouldn't last more than a few hours.
Should be local to everyone.
No one should in anyway be put out in any way
Day long invites only otherwise you're just present grabbing
No money poem

And lastly, I know it’s very popular on here but personally I think childfree weddings are rude. I like my children, I want to spend the weekend with them and I don’t want to spend £££ on childcare to attend your wedding. Never ever heard of a childfree wedding until I moved to England.

I also won’t use my annual leave to travel to Mexico or Thailand for your wedding if you are not from that country or have family ties.

Plenty of good food, no standing around while the bride and groom go somewhere else for a million photos and the availability of a cup of tea should the need arise. I must admit I do enjoy an edible wedding favour on the table, but not the fancy personalised stuff - mints or chocolates. I also have a soft spot for ice cream carts, but that may be quite specific to me.

My husband didn't know what favours were! I had to explain it to him (he would have been to plenty of weddings!) Anyway he said he would much rather we spend more money on nice wine for the table. He's a real foody and loves his wine and genuinely wanted to spend more on the wine instead of the favours. So we did. In the end I did also buy some fun table games (miniature) like cards which can get the conversation started between potential strangers at a table.
I've been to lots of weddings and personally it's good food, lots to drink And great music. You can't beat a live band if it works with your budget.
Think about your seating too and who you think will get on really well with who and have a laugh together etc. It's often been the people I've ended up on a table with who have made a wedding for me, be it friends or new strangers!

IMO

Needs
Plenty of food and choices in that food,
Plenty of drinks, especially during times when they would be hanging around (photos for example),
Plenty of seating,

Can easily do without
Favours,
Tea and coffee after dinner,
Long speeches.

The main thing to remember is that ITS YOUR DAY! People will always find things to pick at, but as long as you have fun and your guests aren't hungry, or tired, then I'd call it a success!

Not being half starved! I've lost count of the weddings I've been to where I've been dying of hunger. The worst was a wedding at 10.30am when the meal wasn't till 5pm. The bride and groom brought their own sandwiches but hadn't seen fit to tell us there was no lunch or snacks....

I couldn't care less about favours and I have no problem with getting an evening only invite.

Good food, good live band at reception

Plenty of food
Decent disco

Couldn’t give a crap about favours tbh or a free bar - wouldn’t expect one

Just want a good night out!

Also couldnt care if only an evening guest

sorry wrt the EVENING invitation that should say.

food
somewhere to sit
No waiting for the boresome photos that take hours and nobody looks at, they always arrive months after.
No Music. I don't dance and have tinnitus so extra noise kills most things

How can a wedding be local to everyone? We lived 5 hours away from in-laws and lived 2 hours from my parents when we got married. DH and I had moved around in between, as had friends. So although we had local friends, other friends also lived far away.

Obviously, don't choose a venue that is nowhere near anyone or abroad, but these days it is very hard for a wedding to be local for everyone.

For me: I don't mind what you do for your hen so long as you accept I'll come if I can afford it
I don't mind being evening only assuming we aren't bff's or sisters etc. But it's nice to do evening speeches, cake cut and first dance so people actually know it's a wedding party.
I don't care how long so long as there's enough food
I don't mind down time so long as there's a bar and seating
I like quirky or personal favours
I don't mind a money poem but don't expe t tons

I went to a wedding that was held in a glass house in the Botanical Gardens. Lovely venue, no toilets.
We had to troop to the nearest Costa on the main road.
So - think about facilities!

@purpleleotard

food somewhere to sit No waiting for the boresome photos that take hours and nobody looks at, they always arrive months after. No Music. I don't dance and have tinnitus so extra noise kills most things

What do you want for evening entertainment?

I think favours are a waste of time. I don't care about a disco. Just some nice food, nice speeches and a space that allows you to mingle and celebrate. Casual all the way for me. Don't like an evening invite tho - all or nothing.

No favours!

What a waste of resources.

Short speeches

Don't give a damn about favors. Food (including the cake) and drink are the most important things to me. After that music and atmosphere. I do love a pretty wedding but as long as the venue is clean I'm good. LOL

I hate long gaps and long/too many speeches. And having to drive too far between the ceremony and the reception.

Sitting guests with others that they know or who you think they’d get along with

I'm always happy to pay for drinks, but it's nice to have something on the tables when you're eating.

Favours are naff. Guests don't want little packets of seeds or silly momentoes, they go in the bin. Save your money.

And please make sure that guests arriving for the evening aren't shoved into some grotty holding area that smells of the afternoon food and stand awkwardly until they're invited into the main venue. It makes guests feel like they just want to go back home!

Ooh I do actually rather like a photo booth. Have so many photos from parties over the years stuck on my fridge- a fun way for your guests to remember the day. But obviously not an essential!