To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Absolutely no karaoke!

It divides the guests into 3 groups.

1. Those who would rather scoop out their eyeballs with a rusty spoon and get their coats and leave.
2. Those who can actually sing (usually the smallest group ).
3. Those who can't carry a note in a bucket but will monopolise the microphone.

An evening wedding so no all day hanging about.

No two tier system- just do a buffet for all.

I just provided wine, when it ran out there was a pay bar.

Nttft but the band is the biggie for me, having guests able to pick a couple of songs they’ll dance too and having a good band getting people up is the best part for me.

My perfect wedding from a guest perspective would hit the following criteria:

• Ceremony in the afternoon so the whole thing isn't too drawn out.
• Canapes and complimentary bucks fizz while photos are taken and comfy seating (ideally sofas!)
• Long rectangular tables where you can easily talk mostly to the people you know (not circular tables where you have to make polite conversation with strangers round the table and can easily find yourself with two backs turned to you. Argh for an introvert like me that's so stressful!).
• A sweets table for grazing OR edible favours (the best favour I ever got was a bag of pick and mix!)
• Wrap it all up by 12.

Someone has probably said this but my main bug bear about weddings is when they’re very cliquey. This is obvious through various channels - “in jokes” during the speeches that only some people will follow, people playing drinking games or taking bets during speeches (if your or your partners friends are likely to do this then ensure that one of the groomsmen goes round all tables and invites everyone to participate if they want to), sometimes lawn games (or heaven forbid, beer pong) also facilitate cliquey-ness. Basically you want to avoid there being a feeling of there being a core “in crowd” and everyone else feeling like they’re being excluded.

This may sound bizarre to people who haven’t experienced it but I’ve been to a few of these weddings now. Usually ones where the male is a rugby-type, so maybe doesn’t apply to you, but it is awful and quite embarrassing.

Oh yes. Don't split guests up from the only other guests they know and sit them with your second cousin/uncle Bob you think they'll get on brilliantly with. So many weddings I've sat making miserable small talk with random cousins/uncles while on the other side of the room are friends from uni who I'd love to catch up with.

Seats
Good food
Not too much waiting around

Personally prefer indoor venue for the wedding/meal/entertainment. An event on a lawn or in a tent can be nice but weather or bugs can ruin it or shoe sinking even though there is matting. You can have a venue with garden for photos.

Disco but agree with plenty of seats and ideally a quieter area.

Foooood!!

Not having enough food to soak up booze fills me with dread.

Cash bar is absolutely fine, but make sure they're not extortionately priced drinks. The guests at ours all commented that they appreciated not having to remortgage each time they needed a drink...

Unnecessary

• favours of any sort
• those awful chair covers
• huge flower displays, they get in the way if on a table & on show for less than an hour in the ceremony (but no one will remember anything about them)
• bridesmaids,
• small children in the wedding party - they always cry & go to Mum
• wedding cake - No-one eats it

Necessary

• soft drinks & water available all the time - especially if its a summer wedding.
• decent quantities of food - particularly if it's a buffet

It's your day, do what you & your partnet want - if that means elope, then go for it!

@BobblyBlueJumper

Food and plenty of it at appropriate times. Access to a bar all day, doesn't have to be free. But a nice glass of juice or prosecco after the ceremony is appreciated. Make sure you don't run out of drinks if you're supplying your own. Seats for everyone. No long periods of waiting with nothing to do e.g. during photos. If it's outdoors make sure there's adequate brollies/shelter/heaters/blankets for if it's cold or rainy.

Don't care about:
Wedding cake, speeches, favours, table decorations, chair covers, flowers, live bands

Yeah. All of this. You should provide at least a couple of proper drinks.

Don't waste money on favours, chairs, or (all genuine features of one particularly appalling event) neon signs, a string quartet, fireworks and a release of live doves. Yes, really.

Don't have big gaps between ceremony and food and don't have everyone driving about. I know someone who had the ceremony a good 70 mins away from the reception venue.

The 2 best weddings were my pals small one for about 30 guests in a small restaurant.
Then the other was a larger affair where we all went to a rave after the night do finished.

I'm divorced now but people do remember my wedding as a lot of fun, we had a Studio 54 playlist and theme.

Running order in advance so I know when I’m getting fed/can duck out for the loo etc

@soootiredddd

Someone has probably said this but my main bug bear about weddings is when they’re very cliquey. This is obvious through various channels - “in jokes” during the speeches that only some people will follow, people playing drinking games or taking bets during speeches (if your or your partners friends are likely to do this then ensure that one of the groomsmen goes round all tables and invites everyone to participate if they want to), sometimes lawn games (or heaven forbid, beer pong) also facilitate cliquey-ness. Basically you want to avoid there being a feeling of there being a core “in crowd” and everyone else feeling like they’re being excluded.

This may sound bizarre to people who haven’t experienced it but I’ve been to a few of these weddings now. Usually ones where the male is a rugby-type, so maybe doesn’t apply to you, but it is awful and quite embarrassing.

I've been to these. At the worst one, there was a video montage of the best moments of the friendship group and they all hugged each other and cried on the dance floor while everyone else wondered how easily they could find some heroin or a discreet shotgun.

@ButterSageSpaghetti

Foooood!!

Not having enough food to soak up booze fills me with dread.

Cash bar is absolutely fine, but make sure they're not extortionately priced drinks. The guests at ours all commented that they appreciated not having to remortgage each time they needed a drink...

What do you want watered down Carling and economy value wine? Minging.

Good food
Plenty to keep the children entertained
Either not to far away from home or not ludicrously expensive accommodation.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

Don't have big gaps between ceremony and food and don't have everyone driving about. I know someone who had the ceremony a good 70 mins away from the reception venue.

The 2 best weddings were my pals small one for about 30 guests in a small restaurant.
Then the other was a larger affair where we all went to a rave after the night do finished.

I'm divorced now but people do remember my wedding as a lot of fun, we had a Studio 54 playlist and theme.

I trust you supplied unlimited amounts of cocaine?

I'd be absolutely gutted to attend a 'studio 54' themed wedding if this wasn't provided.

@Hrpuffnstuff1 errrr, no?!

All the drinks were good quality but reasonably priced. Those two things aren't necessarily mutually exclusive - you just need a venue that isn't going to take the piss!

Not too long ... do people really need an 'evening do'? Wedding ceremony, nice food and drink, short speeches and go home ... the happy couple can then leave for their honeymoon. Don't drag the occasion out ... and don't take too long over the photos.

Plenty of seating preferably including quieter area away from any music. But also decent music with enough room to dance.

Funny speeches that are max 10 minutes per speaker.

Plenty of food well-organised so people eat pretty much together, otherwise you're either waiting for your food, or finished before others have even started, and it feels awkward and gets boring.

The chance to eat some wedding cake! Somehow I either don't get any or get presented with a falling-apart bit wrapped in a paper napkin ages after the meal, which then disintegrates in my bag. Serve it properly as dessert please.

I rarely keep the favours, most people aren't interested in them, so that's an easy budget cut. Likewise fancy place cards, table decorations etc.

No long gaps with nothing happening or nothing to do (happy to go for a walk round garden etc if it's a nice setting, but being stuck in a hall for hours making small talk is not fun).

Hmmmm....
enough seating
I like a more informal gathering
enough food
Easily accessible venue with enough parking.

Don't know if this helps at all, but might give ideas...When I got married, my budget wasn't high (I was a student nurse at the time!), but I had the venue at the village hall (5min walk to the church). 150 guests. Wedding service was at 2pm (so enough time for people to eat lunch before they showed up). I chose the venue as it was wheelchair accessible (some of my family and friends have mobility probs and use mobility aids and wheelchairs), had a quiet room for any parents who needed to feed babies/put them down for a nap, there was good parking, it was near to the Church, there was a lovely kids park and recreation grounds next to it (I had kids at my wedding), and it was spacious/comfy.

For food, we went for a hog roast, with all the sides, plus veggie, vegan and GF options and there was also chicken and lamb options for those who couldn't eat pork. I got this served at about 4/5pm so people wouldn't be hungry (and for anyone who needed to head off a bit earlier). I ordered in platters of snacks, and puddings were ice cream, trifles, strawberries and fresh cream. I'm pretty much teetotal, but ordered in LOADS of bottles of prosecco, red/white/rose wine, beer/cider and water for each table, plus loads of different soft drinks and non-alcoholic versions of wine/cider/beer/prosecco. There was plenty of tea, coffee and biscuits/cookies too. If people wanted other alcohol (cocktails, spirits), there was a paid bar (I couldn't afford a free bar). A friend did the DJing, and we got the guests to give us ideas beforehand of their fav music to play. Wedding photos were a very quick thing that we did straight after the Church service. I didn't bother with day guests or evening guests, they all came to wedding and stayed on for evening. I put disposable cameras on each table for people to take pics. Colouring/activity books for kids (or adults!), plus blank art canvases and coloured pens for people to doodle on/write a message etc.

I wasn't worried about people wearing formal outfits/not wearing certain colour schemes etc, I just wanted my friends/family there and for them to be comfortable. They said that they enjoyed it, so that's good. Don't know if the above helps, but maybe it might!!! :D

Snacks if there's a gap before food, personally I don't like evening only tickets - I think the most important bit is actually getting married so only invite the number to witness that (I note the shyness but this is the whole point of the day) only have a good buffet no sit down meal if needed to ensure your there's no second class invitations. Jugs of iced water available throughout

I haven't read all the replies but we were in a similar situation in that both me and my husband are quite private in some ways. Our solution was a close family only ceremony plus a couple of close friends (parents, siblings plus families, some aunts and uncles - it was about 30/40 people) then we had photos all walked to the village hall and met the rest of the guests (was 120 including those at the ceremony). We all then sat down, we did some brief speeches, then ate a big meal before a ceilidh - with a half time break for pizza. We didn't really have any "evening" guests apart from a few friends of parents that we were expected to invite but to be honest didn't have room at when seated at tables.

We just made a bar at the back of the hall and filled it with booze.

I wouldn't think it was rude if you didn't have favours as quite often it's stuff that gets chucked in a drawer so save your money. Invite close family and friends to the ceremony. Or have a late wedding with a buffet supper and then it's just 1 meal and people can help themselves. Weddings can be long and drawn out. Having a late start makes life easier for the guests. Do a wedding list on a website or the option to gift money in card box. 1 drink free at the start might be nice. I think 1 thing that upsets a lot of guests is the no kids rule.

Food handed out regularly!

I’m a bit awkward so not knowing people is really hard making small talk for hours without a focus. Having a band or something to do is good. I went to one where each table did a pub quiz (mr and mrs questions) which was fun.