To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Following for tips for my wedding so I don't get it wrong

Easy one but plenty of (tap) water available. I’ve been to so many marquee weddings where the champagne has flowed but you can’t get a glass of water for love or money. Jugs on the tables and ask for them to be refilled. It would also be nice if there were some non alcoholic drinks available before dinner so your guests don’t have to ask specially and make some poor waitress go off in search of one.

As someone else said, an itinerary for the day is helpful so people know what’s coming up, whether to eat an enormous breakfast to keep them going, how long to go until dinner etc.

I absolutely love the speeches so plenty of those please 😁 Also love a good sing in church.

Enough loos and stick some baskets in there with san pro etc and maybe condoms if you have lots of single friends.

Spend your money on food, booze and music.

Food and drink.
I can enjoy anything as long as i am fed and watered!

@waitingpatientlyforspring

Favours are not important and I wished I hadn't bothered with them.

Food, seats, warmth, places to be able to talk ie not too noisy everywhere, I don't expect a free bar or any free drinks but don't appreciate an overpriced bar.

I don't mind a local evening only invite but don't want to have to travel for one.

I don't mind an evening only invitation but please don't send me your gift list/request with it. My go to evening gift is tenner in a card or bottle of prosecco in recycled gift bag!!

I think the best idea is to keep the day fairly compact and on schedule.

I used to work in this industry and felt awkward when the speeches would overrun and evening guests would be waiting in the wings while the father of the bride was still doing his speech and the DJ was waiting to set up.

Make sure there is some kind of entertainment and food for the time where the bride and groom go off for photos.

Do a seating plan and try not to mix your guests up with groups of people they don't know.

Make sure the venue has a bit of a tidy up before the evening guests arrive. It feels a bit weird walking into a reception that looks a mess and if the day has been a long one with kids asleep on chairs etc and scrunched up napkins everywhere it doesn't do much to get you in the mood to party.

Decent quality food and enough of it.

I don't love being invited as an evening guest unless it's near home, otherwise it's a trek and a hotel stay plus babysitter, and not having the nice meal or enjoying the ceremony etc.

However, a few friends have done the opposite. Invite for ceremony, kids included and everything made family friendly, a drinks reception & buffet, but then all the people with kids leave at 6pm or so and there's a smaller proper meal/party for family and close friends.

I think this is a brilliant idea. It enables you to include families/kids (if you want to) without paying for 3 course meals at £80 a head for 30 families of 4. You can reduce the costs by keeping the expensive meal and booze to a smaller crowd. Children are much more easily accommodated and entertained in the day time when they arent tired. Plus the formal wedding breakfast meal is at a proper meal time instead of a weird large meal being served at 5pm

Definitely food.
Availability of soft drinks. Many weddings have wine on the tables but no soft drinks, not great for those who are teetotal/driving/pregnant. Just fruit juice is fine.

Couldn't care less about favours or a paid bar.

Enough canapés. Take the recommended number per person and double it. Q

We are part of a large foodie group of friends and we went to the wedding of one of the DC of the group, held in Italy. (one of the bridal couple worked there.)
The wedding was in a beautiful olive grove and the favour was a 250 ml bottle of superb Extra Virgin olive oil from the property. This was the only wedding favour I've ever been fussed about. Just saying.

We got three brilliant 1940s style singers who sang current hits old style which got the party going. We also had a friends band playing covers. I guess for me it’s what makes a good party. And definitely enough food and booze.

Enough food, drink, nice non alcoholic options, enough seating. Proper veggie/vegan options.
No standing up to eat with plates. No super loud music. I want to chat to people. Shade if the reception or wedding is outside.

No mixing up couples, families and friends on the seating plan so everyone can “mingle”.

No favours
Don’t care about table decorations/flowers
DECENT food
Food for vegetarians
WATER (last wedding I was at I couldn’t find water for me (was 7m pregnant) and DC1)
Free bar
Decent table plan - don’t seat me on a table wirh 8 unknowns when 30 of my friends are at the wedding

PS the food was out of this world and the wine flowed very freely.

I'm going to repeat what's been said on here, just for emphasis -
Enough comfy seats
Plenty of non alcoholic drinks
Enough veggie food
No photos taking hours while guests wait
No speeches going on for ages
Don't bother with favours
No to an evening do - if you can't afford to invite everyone, then don't, but I really hate being a second tier guest*
(* I know loads of you will disagree vehemently, but that's how I feel)

Another one who quite likes a sing even though I'm completely non religious . Would love it if we could bring in singing secular weddings!

Favours - not really very important. Unless you are going to do speeches before meal, then make them edible.

Forget favours, ensure guests are fed regularly. Plenty of water on tables too so you don't get too pissed.

Less formal more relaxed.
Good seating of people so they have a good time

Evening only is good so long as there is good evening food and a welcome drink plus some kind of entertainment/optional activities.

Also just have the wedding late in the afternoon and one meal. I've never understood the evening reception thing.

We had 75 guests. All came to church, all came to reception meal afterwards. 3pm wedding. Pub for nibbles and drinks then coach for all guests to reception. 6.30 sit down meal.

Bacon roll at 11ish

Oh and please don’t get married in the middle of nowhere so that everyone has to pay for two nights in your expensive wedding hotel as no other Hotel within 5 miles.

Good food, a not to expensive bar, plenty of seating away from loud music (I'm getting old, don't cha know), good music and most importantly a happy atmosphere. Evening only is fine as long at the venue is accessible, I've turned down evening only invites if they are significantly more than an hour away (see previous "old" comment!)

Short - ours was 3:30 - 12
Venue with cheap accommodation
Cheap simple hen
Be quick with the photos
Short speeches or none at all ?
Don’t ask for presents or cash if people have traveled and paid for accommodation

Location. Rustic barns look nice in photos but if all your guests mainly live in a city, suddenly its a pain in the backside

The worst wedding I ever went to sjould have been amazing. Super high budget, fab venue etc. but they poured too much alcohol into the guests too soon (literally more than a bottle of champagne each, before any food). Everyone either had a squabble or got tearful etc and the atmosphere was terrible.

Best weddings are those which are relaxed. I went to a fab one in a hotel where everything was at one location and mellow. Another great one served food people actually want - pizza and salad for main meal and bacon rolls for evening snack. And had a bubble machine 😃

Don’t care about favours, or fancy invites. Hate long speeches and looong meals.

Would be a little ☹️ not to go to ceremony unless it was family only or someone I didn’t know well.

The dance floor playlist is super important don’t just rely on the DJ to pick tracks, give them a list of easy to dance to music that you love.

Same as Yorkshire Terri.

I couldn’t give a toss about favours. Complete waste of money IMO - they’ve mostly ended up in the bin.

Ditto to short speeches! As my DF used to say, Stand up, speak up, shut up! IMO it should be illegal for anyone to make more than a 5 minute speech at a wedding.

One thing I do really dislike is deafeningly loud music in the evening, so that it’s impossible to hold any sort of conversation without shouting.
But I’d never go to an evening-only do