To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Yeah decent food, nicely spread out throughout the day. A nice welcome drink on arrival always goes down well.

I do get miffed about evening only invitations as I want to see the wedding ceremony.

It probably wouldn’t be too well received, but you have a legal right to attend the ceremony, invitation or not.

Food and plenty of it at appropriate times.
Access to a bar all day, doesn't have to be free. But a nice glass of juice or prosecco after the ceremony is appreciated.
Make sure you don't run out of drinks if you're supplying your own.
Seats for everyone.
No long periods of waiting with nothing to do e.g. during photos.
If it's outdoors make sure there's adequate brollies/shelter/heaters/blankets for if it's cold or rainy.

Don't care about:
Wedding cake, speeches, favours, table decorations, chair covers, flowers, live bands

Enough seating. Not bothered about favours

Somewhere to sit when waiting around.
Not too long to wait for food, or nibbles while waiting.
Don't have the DJ turned up so high no one can talk to the person next to them without shouting.
It's nice to have something that feels personal to the bride and groom.
To see the bride and groom enjoying their day and not feeling pressured into doing things they're uncomfortable with.

Favours are useful to entertain the children when you're waiting for food, but wouldn't notice if they weren't there.
If I get an evening invitation I think "how nice they want us there", and go if I can make it.
Not bothered by free bar, but if you're doing drinks please can there be a selection of soft drinks, and please have water on the tables as well as wine. Basics like cola/lemonade nothing fancy as I'll be driving.

Please can I come

I've just remembered one memorable wedding where I was given fem fresh wipes and a tea towel as a gift from the grooms family my poor mate was horrified (she had been given no warning they were doing this)!!

Good food.
Comfortable (seating, temperature)
Be clear about timings. If I know that there's a gap in timings, it's ok if there's somewhere comfortable to be or somewhere else to go for a while. A pub en-route is fine.
Not keen on weddings where you're shunted in and out of the room while it's arranged for the ceremony/ wedding breakfast/ disco.

The worst wedding I went to was an expensive hotel in the arse end of nowhere after a 12pm full mass in a town an hour away. We get to the hotel at 3pm... there's coffee and a plate of biscuits. Lack of seating. Expensive bar. Cold day in April. And there we loiter for 5 long, uncomfortable, painful hours until the wedding breakfast at 8pm. Meanwhile the happy couple piss off to a pub for lunch and the beach for photos leaving the guests to wonder what the hell is going on.
The food was cold and mediocre when we did finally eat. By the time we got to the first dance it was nearer 11pm than 10, and time to drive home (the hotel was full and overpriced anyway.) I used it as an educational excercise to do a much nicer wedding the next year

Important:
plenty of food I can eat (veggie if needed)
lots to drink - don't mind if bar 's not free but don't want it to be ££££ - recall a wedding where a glass of wine was £10 and that's what I've remembered
not lots of waiting about with nothing to eat or drink and nowhere to stay warm if not summer
I also like nice flowers and a pretty dress to admire

not important
favours wtf - your MIL cannot have had any archer wedding, I hate pointless crap
sweetie trolley
photo booth
cupcake display
cutlery artfully tied with rustic string
Chair covers
lanterns at pew ends

I had been to one wedding as an evening guest and it was very odd, so I won't be doing that again; I say if you want me at your wedding, invite me to it. If cost is an issue, get rid of some of the crap above.

At the wedding I referenced, evening invites were for friends of the bride/groom siblings to come and party. Everyone else was an all day guest.

I second the candid photographer. I have some funny and treasured prints of my parents and son

FOOD. BAR.

Food
Drink
Ambient Temperature
Seating

Ability to hear the ceremony, and music that isn't painful, are added bonuses.

From your posts so far, I think it's going to be great!!

You've already addressed my main bugbear - cash bar is totally fine, but being charged a fortune for a cheap wine/beer isn't!!

You're vegetarian & like your grub.. I feel catered for already!!

Bubbles for the toasts. Wine on tables (if affordable) if beyond your budget, being able to order from the table/buy a bottle. Speeches are great, but need lubrication!!

I prefer a gift list, I like things the B & G want to have to keep, so I'd rather chip into a piece of art or buy a particular thing you want than just cash, or even an item for your honeymoon. One of my cousins had a Honeymoon Gift List where you could choose anything from 'an ice cream' through 'dinner for two' to experiences such as hand gliding & lunch/sightseeing afternoon.

Above ALL a bride & groom that are having a great day!!

Oh favours... they're fun. But definitely not necessary!! (Please no horrible sugared almonds, no matter how pretty they look!!)

@ZerotwoZero has it right - *No standing around, for hours, no long arsed speeches, sitting with people I don't know or forced seating. no long breaks between different services.no demanding certain gifts.

Best weddings I have been to are fluid and simple, with nice food served on-time. I hate statement weddings in your face, which are over the top.* Hours of waiting for photos to be taken and being incredibly hungry (as they got married at 1pm so too early to have lunch beforehand) is my only memory of my cousin's wedding. It was grim.

We took our photos before the ceremony — that might be something you object to, but it worked out well for us and freed up our time directly afterwards to spend time with our guests.
And we gave each lady a rose as a favour as they walked into our backyard ceremony — but really, it could be any flower. That cut our “favour budget” in half. The flowers were a big hit.

Transport between the ceremony and reception if they are at different venues. My cousin is getting married this summer and it’s going to be a faff

Oh Evening Guests.

As it's local that's fine for workfriends yoga friends/neighbours old family friends (adult) children etc. but definitely not close friends & no splitting group of friends/relatives etc.

A warm relaxed and welcoming atmosphere: food, some table wine, not too stuffy or formal.

No waiting around for endless photos.

No big gap between ceremony and reception in which there is no access to food, drink or toilets.

Patriarchal crap: if the best man makes a speech, why not the chief bridesmaid? If the father of the bride makes a speech, why not the mother of the groom? Mix it up! And no stupid nudge nudge sexist jokes in the speeches. Actually unless anyone is good at making speeches which are lovely and heartfelt and / or interesting and genuinely funny, don’t have speeches.

No ‘favours’ or any other environmentally disastrous tat. Use real plants or boughs, decorate with potted plants and let guests take them home as ‘favours’, for example.

A pay bar is fine if you have fizz for toasts and some table wine to start everyone off.

[quote Philandbill]**@ZerotwoZero* has it right - No standing around, for hours, no long arsed speeches, sitting with people I don't know or forced seating. no long breaks between different services.no demanding certain gifts.

Best weddings I have been to are fluid and simple, with nice food served on-time. I hate statement weddings in your face, which are over the top.* Hours of waiting for photos to be taken and being incredibly hungry (as they got married at 1pm so too early to have lunch beforehand) is my only memory of my cousin's wedding. It was grim.[/quote]
If you are going to a 1pm wedding do you not just call it brunch and eat a bacon sarnie or something at 11:30ish? It’s not like the timings are a surprise when you get there.

Food is number one though. I went to a wedding where someone fainted they got so hungry!

Food, Inc canapés, a decent meal and later night snack.

Enough drink supplied before I'm expected to shell out for pricey drinks, not the skinflint a pimms or prosecco plus a half bottle of wine with dinner. The best weddings have had freer flowing booze but not so much that everyone got trolleyed before the main event.

Not being freezing or uncomfortable is a given of course.

Making sure wedding arrangements are not super inconvenient for guests. As long as your do and ceremony are in the same place this is usually OK.

Personally I like favours and flowers and decorations but they aren't the be all and end all.

Having a range of price options on wedding accommodation is very important.

At mine I prioritised having a free bar and and enough food, as this is what I cared about. Didn’t have favours.

For me the most important thing is that the couple have thought about the guests. So, dont keep them standing around for ages while you have photos taken - get a few group shots early on, then send them off to have canapes, drinks, whatever while you take the rest of them. Provide places for people to sit down if they are going to be waiting. Dont give a stuff about favours, free bar, etc etc. But even if you cant afford open bar, do provide some champagne for a toast.

I don’t care about favours. My key thing is:
Adequate seating - I don’t want to stand all day asp make sure that’s warm wherever seats are
Adequate food and drink offerings (food not at weird times)

Also I didn’t do any formal photos at mine because that’s the worst part of any wedding. I had a photographer who took natural ones of people having a good time.

Oh god yes no demanding money. But I do tend to give money even if gift list supplied. I just prefer not to be asked for cash.

I don't really care that much, if I've accepted the invite it's because I want to share my friends' day. I couldn't care if it's not Michelin standard food or there's some time to mingle and catch up with others.

A couple of things we've done though;

We've laid on transport back to the local town for everyone (most live or are staying there, the taxi rank is also there for others) and transport to the venue for those who have travelled to the area for the wedding.

We're not having a proper cake, it's a tier of cheese and we'll serve it with biscuits etc in the evening.

No favours, nobody cares.

There is a bit of a gap between ceremony and meal but plenty of places to sit, free-flowing Prosecco and our venue is a local attraction that's quite expensive to visit usually, so guests are encouraged to explore it if they want to.