To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Food! Some people will be offended by evening only but not everyone. If you're inviting kids it's nice to include something to keep them entertained if possible (went to one recently with a bouncy castle!). I find bands get people dancing more than DJs. People don't notice favours you are right. Try to time the day well so people aren't starving or bored for ages

They didn't actually specify it in the invitation, no! But they complained afterwards about how too many guests didn't dress for the occasion, including wearing flat shoes.

A lot of people at our reception took their shoes off, including my husband and me.

I treat guests as guests. Not a prop or a way to claw some cash back. It's an honour when people come to your wedding, not the other way around.

Places to sit (funny how often this is forgotten)
Lots of opportunity for refreshments - don't need to be free, but should be plenty of options
Only small waiting periods between things
Sit me with my friends or family
Nice food - doesn't need to be overly posh
Wedding cake, share it with the guests
Also ideally have everything in either one place or in two places very close to each other

What did your guests do between 4.30 and 6.30?

ive also been to a couple of weddings where the speeches were before the food and at both weddings people wanted to be fed first. (Not saying you did that)

Haven't read the full thread but having your wedding on a Saturday means that a large proportion of your guests will not have to take time off work for your wedding or have to worry about being sensible as they have work the day after.

One of the worst weddings I was at was at was on a Thursday at a venue 90 minutes away. Didn't really enjoy it knowing I had a busy day of work on the Friday. Left at 10.30 as were most of the other guests.

Oh I say there's an offer.

That's the pickle, unless a specific dress code is stated , then people will choose whatever they want.

No long gaps. While you are having photos.

Alternatives to alcohol.

No favours.

Lots of food and not all fancy.

I’m reading all this and thanking my lucky stars ours sounds ok as it’s in a few weeks and too late to change! We do have the dreaded favours though but they consist of food & drink from the areas we are from so will bring a smile and can either be eaten, taken home or left and we will take home and eat lol!

Why are brits so arsey about wedding gifts and money. I'll reiterate in DP'S culture everyone is happy for the B-G and money is a cultural expectation. I've been told to expect 100 euros as a minimum and even some larger amounts of 1000 euros plus.😋
Another point is the wedding celebrations can go on for upwards of 4 days.

Us Brits are so stiff when it comes to weddings that it's untrue.

@Faevern

the reason now why the speeches often come after the meal is because the people giving the speeches will often too be nervous and unable to really enjoy the meal with having to do the speech still hanging over them. In this instance I think it’s perfectly reasonable to prioritise the groom/best man/father of bride/whoever else over the guests wanting to be fed ASAP!

I know some one like @gamerchick would likely disagree and think that so long as the guests are getting what they want it doesn’t matter but I think in real life most people would be understanding.

@LuckySantangelo35 I think you mean speeches coming before the meal these days.
As a guest I don't mind provided they are short.

If going down this route it would be the kind thing to do to ensure there are some bread rolls and water on the table - ideally wine as well. That way if some of the guests are about to pass out from hunger or thirst, they can discretely resolve the issue without diverting any attention from the wedding party who of course are the only people that matter in some peoples opinion.

@rookiemere

yes sorry I meant speeches coming before the wedding breakfast is pretty common place now for that reason. This will be the case at my wedding. We’ll have wine at the table but no food during the short speech.

Local food / drink sounds lovely.

My cousin did miniatures of his famed and excellent home made sloe gin. (Winter wedding). An in-law gave a small jar of honey from their own bees.

It’s pointless tat that is, well, pointless tat.

Food, plenty of it, not necessarily fancy. The best wedding I went to in this regard had plenty of canapés walked roundtable the photos were being done and hog roast and salad afterwards.

I don't object at all to buying my own drinks.

Evening do only invitations, IMO, are for people who have lots of local acquaintances they want to include. They're not for close friends or family or anyone who has to travel.

I was once at a wedding where as part of the grooms speech, he actually referred to the miniature bottle of perfume/aftershave as being so much nicer than the usual sugared almonds. Don't do that! I doubt I'd even notice if there were no favours.

Working men's clubs make excellent wedding venues in the absence of a village hall, IMO. Cheap drinks and know how to throw a party.

If you live in a village where’s the local working man’s club??? I wouldn’t know where to find one.

Church then short stroll to nearby hall is much easier.

My biggest tip is not to get too clever with the seating plan (if you even have one)

It can be great fun to ‘matchmake’ friends and put them with people you really think they’ll get on with. But I’d try to make sure everyone is on a table with at least a couple of people they know. People often look forward to catching up with old friends at weddings and nothing makes your heart sink quite like looking at the table plan and realising you’ve been put next to some random cousins you’ve never met and are going to have to make small talk with for the next few hours, while all your friends are on a different table. And please don’t do that thing where you separate couples and make them sit on opposite sides of the table, especially if everyone else at the table is a total stranger.

Yes, I was responding to PP who complained that not everyone has a nice village hall. "In the absence of a village hall.."

I can’t believe people separate couples on the seating plan. It’s not a works networking/team building event

@toomuchlaundry it has thankfully only happened to me once but it was awful. Nobody at the table knew each other and all the couples were separated so that we all sat across from our partners. And I was next to the groom’s Polish uncle who didn’t speak English, and he couldn’t even speak to his wife because she was on the opposite side of the table. That was a fun dinner for everyone.

I really wouldn’t want to get married in a working men’s club!!
the one I know stinks of booze and fags, horrible dated decor, toilets not been renovated for about 20 years. Who would want that?!

Short speeches and don't have 2 or 3 three best men speaking it's the actually worst