To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

That the couple enjoy their day

I stipulated no gifts. Weddings cost enough to attend as it is, I also made sure everyone was well fed and watered. No waiting around.

I knew you had asked for money, it's pretty obvious from the guests can suck it up attitude you're displaying on here. Still, I hope you have an awesome wedding anyway.

Minimise queuing if there us a buffet by sending up two tables at a time - don't have a free for all.

But if you do this, think about how you're going to ensure the last tables to go up still have plenty of choice - particularly if they include vegetarians or vegans who might not get anything if meat-eaters on the previous tables have nabbed all the veggie / vegan food.

I have a cousin with severe food allergies so at a recent family wedding, they made sure she went up to the buffet first to avoid cross-contamination.

I think if there is more than an hour between the end of the ceremony and the wedding breakfast, drinks and nibbles should be provided (don’t expect guests to pay for them)

Actually the most important thing for me is that there should be no requirement for female guests to wear high heels. If this is a requirement, then I cannot attend as I have some physical difficulties that make me unable to walk in high heeled shoes.

You're kidding me?!!!!! Someone really specified that? I get dreadful calf spasms if I wear heeled shoes, don't know why.

Surely no-one has ever specified high heels

Have it at a weekend. This year I’ve been invited to a (not local to me) wedding the Monday before Christmas which is really fucking inconvenient.

They didn't actually specify it in the invitation, no! But they complained afterwards about how too many guests didn't dress for the occasion, including wearing flat shoes.

If the ceremony starts at 2.30pm then I'd say guests will want the sit down meal at about 5.30pm/6pm. Mine started at 3pm, ceremony was about an hour, then we had a few photos at the church then served champagne and canapes at about 4.30pm while we had the rest of our photos done, and got to the reception venue at 6.30pm, the meal and speeches then went on for about two hours. We didn't have an evening buffet as everyone came all day.

I suspect there will be a lot of weekday weddings in the next few months with such a backlog of cancellations. We’re going to one on a Wednesday in August.

Enough to eat.
Enough to drink.
Good music.
No standing around for hours while photos are done.
I don't want to be cold.

Favours can be nice sometimes but more often than not I forget to take them with me and then feel guilty about leaving them on the table. I wouldn't be at all bothered by no favours at a wedding, and we didn't bother with them.

I am in a minority on mumsnet I think as I like weddings. But I do not like waiting around for hours with nothing to do whilst photos are being done. I once had to do this for three hours!

I don’t care particularly about favours, I don’t care whether the bar is free or not. Whether I would be offended by an evening only invitation would depend on whose wedding it is.

No Children! People want to be able to enjoy the day without having to put up with other people's out of control children complaining and misbehaving, also parents can let their hair down, are not on parent mode and can have a drink and relax along with everyone else and have a good time!

Oh and I'm not a fan of evening only. I wouldn't travel out of the local area for it.

How utterly ridiculous. I’m going to a ‘formal’ wedding in the autumn & I’ll get a nice dress for it, but I’m bloody well wearing comfy flats.

See, for me the best approach is ' if you want/need to bring the kids, great, if you don't, also great'. DH and I would never have gone to a wedding in the last 15 years if there were no children allowed. Not everyone has overnight babysitters, and paying for a full day and late evening to go to a wedding is very expensive even if the wedding is local enough to do that.

This is our most hated part of every wedding so we ditched it at ours. We found a venue that had a beautiful library style bar with tons of comfortable seating. We rented the entire venue, did a formal dinner, and hosted an open bar with tons of canapés all evening while people socialized. It was much more our style.

Have it at a weekend if you can. Week day weddings are a pain in the arse. If you must have it on a week day then don't get annoyed if people can't attend. Also don't be surprised if a lot of people leave early, or if there isn't a 'party atmosphere' because people aren't drinking due to work the next day.

Keep the speeches short. The last wedding I went to the Father of the Bride, Mother of the Bride, the Groom, the Bride, the Best Man and a Bridesmaid all made speeches. By the time they'd finished all the guests were either half asleep or completely pissed as they'd been downing glass after glass to cope with the boredom.

For the love of all that is holy, please don't think it's 'fun' to split people up from their partners, or deliberately avoid putting close friends or relatives together when you do the seating plan for the meal. I know some people reckon this encourages everyone to mingle but it's actually much more fun for your guests if they can be with people they know. If you have guests coming who won't know anyone, make sure to seat them with people who are chatty and easy to talk to.

Evening invites are fine for people who are local to the venue. But don't expect people to travel.

I like kids at weddings, at least the dance floor is never empty.

Have it at a weekend if you can. Week day weddings are a pain in the arse. If you must have it on a week day then don't get annoyed if people can't attend. Also don't be surprised if a lot of people leave early, or if there isn't a 'party atmosphere' because people aren't drinking due to work the next day.

Keep the speeches short. The last wedding I went to the Father of the Bride, Mother of the Bride, the Groom, the Bride, the Best Man and a Bridesmaid all made speeches. By the time they'd finished all the guests were either half asleep or completely pissed as they'd been downing glass after glass to cope with the boredom.

For the love of all that is holy, please don't think it's 'fun' to split people up from their partners, or deliberately avoid putting close friends or relatives together when you do the seating plan for the meal. I know some people reckon this encourages everyone to mingle but it's actually much more fun for your guests if they can be with people they know. If you have guests coming who won't know anyone, make sure to seat them with people who are chatty and easy to talk to.

Evening invites are fine for people who are local to the venue. But don't expect people to travel.

No idea why that posted twice, sorry!

Make it clear that there is NO requirement to attend the evening do as well as the day part (if invited to the day part)

that hanging around for 2 hours when they switch the room around just sucks the life out of me (and most guests sod off to their rooms if stating onsite leaving the ones who travelled on the day to just hang around)

So yes, i'd prefer to tick a RSVP box to say love to attend the day and then go home happy at 5pm :) rather than what i have to do now which is plead a headache at 8.30/9ish

@gamerchick

weve not asked for anything yet. Thank you for your well wishes though- I’m sure we’ll have a fabulous day! 😃

P.s., @gamerchick what a saint you are! No gifts, well fed and watered, no waiting around! Did you do anything a bit selfish?! You know seeing as it’s your wedding day and you’re paying for it all? 😂