To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Don't spend a fortune on your wedding dress and the venue to then have basic food and a pay bar in an expensive venue that charges through the nose. You really shouldn't be making guests pay for drinks if you've money to spend on expensive outfits.

Much better to hire a village hall and have nice good food and free drinks than a wedding in a country house with sandwiches and expensive drinks.

This! In spades….. Completely sums up one of the most important aspects of a wedding - hosting properly.

Hosting a wedding, for me, includes providing food and drink for all guests whilst they are at your event. It doesn’t have to be at a fancy venue if budget doesn’t allow. A village hall is completely fine as mentioned by the above poster.

People, on the whole, tend not to have a good time if they are hungry. In fact, they often feel ill especially if they have a medical condition, are pregnant or it's just the time of the month. My daughter has been know to faint when she does to eat regularly.

most nice wedding nice venues do charge a lot for drinks though…I’m not sure how you can get round that! 🤷‍♀️

Put some money behind the bar or provide a certain amount drinks whilst guests are waiting and during the wedding breakfast

They’ll have 2 drinks each paid for yeah

Obviously can’t afford to provide guests with a free bar…who can?!

Access to tea and coffee and food whilst photos being taken. Decent main course of adult portions as have been at a couple that had bird size portions after travelling from a distance. . No long speeches . A good band that plays a mix of songs to appeal to all age groups .

I would never expect a free bar, just a drink on arrival, a glass of wine with the meal and a toast.

But access to reasonably priced drinks at the bar makes a better day than overpriced posh hotel prices.

The nicest weddings I've been to have been held at village halls or local, mid price restaurants apart from one of the very nicest which was a marquee on the bride's parents farm. That was great.

@Comefromaway
That’s all fine if you have a nice village hall near you. Or if your parents own a farm. Not everyone has those options and so need to hire a venue which will be pricier drinks

But then the B&G suck up some of the costs of the drink, as that is what a good host would do @LuckySantangelo35

@toomuchlaundry
within reason. A drink for the toast and a set amount of wine for the table at the wedding breakfast is enough for bride and groom to be paying.

i think some people forget that a wedding day is about the bride and groom, they are the priority not the guests. Be a good host yes but the day is about the bride and groom - be happy for them!

Loads of booze.

Loads of food, with meaty things and non-meaty things.

Personally, since I'd only be attending begrudgingly, I'd be hoping for a massive drama and falling out, but it's probably best not to plan for that.

Could not give a flying fuck about favours.

I'd be happier if only invited to the evening party. Who wants to sit in a boring church or stand around for ages while people take a load of group photos.

Speeches are always boring - keep them as short as possible.

Sit me near people I know and around my own age, and as far as possible from any children.

Disclaimer: I've never been to a wedding, but from what I imagine they're like, the above sounds as if it's what I'd want.

The more you post, the more I'm imagining the poem asking for money in the invites.

Just let them know first so they can organise themselves. Prewarmed and all that.

@gamerchick

whats so wrong with a money poem?!

Ok the poem element can be a bit cringe but why shouldn’t a bride and groom give some indication as to what they would find useful should guests want to give gifts (which lets face it most guests do, it’s social etiquette) What’s so bad about that?

😊

@gamerchick
😊👍

Obviously @gamerchick is just smiling but can anyone else explain why money as a wedding gift is so abhorrent to some?

For favours, I ordered chiffon bags from eBay for about £2 for 100 and put 3 Lindor chocs in each. Cheap and made my tables look a bit better.

If there's a Premier Inn or similar nearby, let people know so they can book a cheapie room in advance.

Just give people enough info to make their day easy, so an info sheet tucked into invites with phrases like "plenty of free parking on site", "nearest parking at X and you can pay by phone by downloading the X app" or "hotel bar takes cash and most cards but not XYZ" "There will be a brief lull between 4 and 7 where you can either go back to your rooms or enjoy the bar"

Most people just want to see you happy and don't mind what you do as long as they're forwarned.

Have a wonderful day.

I don't know ANYWHERE where there is not at least 1 if not multiple village halls, community centres, church halls, etc etc that are available to hire for weddings.

We had 150 guests to our sit down meal and 200 to our evening do so were limited on venues but we found a local hotel, right opposite the station that charged normal pub prices for drinks.

Money as a wedding gift. That's OK for very close family and friends. But others who may be on a budget, a wedding list gives them the chance to use things like loyalty points, find special offers or shop in the sales to keep costs down.

@Comefromaway

yeah but that risks them buying something that the bride and groom don’t want or that they have and so it’s a waste of money. A gift should be something that the receiver wants, not what the giver want to give

I’d rather have a tenner or voucher in a card then a gift costing twice as much which I don’t like and or won’t use

You still buy off a list. But instead of getting it from John Lewis you can buy it from Amazon instead or wait for the sales.

Most certainly don't need to blow the budget but surely the repeated talk about food shows how clearly everyone remembers a wedding where the food was not adequate and they went hungry. If your guests are hungry, your wedding will be remembered for all the wrong reasons.

As many have said, the food does not need to be fancy, nor is it necessary for waiter service but the hosts should consider when the guests are likely to have last had a meal and ensure that they serve something before the guests are hungry. As a parent, I see it as my responsibility to ensure I have supplies for my children as they can't go as long as an adult without eating.

People remember negatives very clearly - I would much rather my wedding is recalled the uneventful one that people had fun at yet cant remember any details than they remember forever because they were absolutely starving because we had not planned meals/catered appropriately

This!! Times a million
I would rather someone I invited attended and did not give a gift than give me something I specifically do not want and then have to find time to get rid of

Favours are not needed.
If someone is invited only to the evening - which is perfectly okay of course - make sure there's enough food for all.