To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

I got married 26 years ago and locally so we invited evening guests as most people did then. We stood by the entrance to welcome them and there was a tray of drinks for them. DH bought anyone who didn’t want champagne a different drink. We chatted before they joined the party and there was a huge evening buffet.

Let me sit with my husband and not split up couples onto separate tables. My mil was hell bent on us doing this as it is the "proper" way apparently.

Nice food that’s plentiful. Although I’d rather a hog roast or something similar than really fancy food. Best wedding food I’ve had recently was a pizza truck doing Neapolitan pizzas, garlic bread and fries, with a massive cheese board table and dessert table. Everyone was stuffed. Or another good one was a fairly fancy sit down meal around 5Pm then at 10pm pie, chips and mushy peas table was rolled out and a load of donuts.
Hungry drunk people are not good to have around.

Cheap enough drinks. I know it won’t be like a northern old mans pub price but £25 for two drinks is just depressing.

Wine on the table of all colours

No favours, I always leave them behind I’m ashamed to say. The only favour ive ever thought ‘oh cute!’ Was when everyone got a small personalized Christmas tree decoration. I still put them on the tree.

Activity bags / lego sets for kids

We’ve just had our own wedding, and have attended many. Regular and plenty of food is most important! Doesn’t have to be fancy but do cater for dietary requirements eg we did 50% vegetarian as we knew that would be appreciated. It’s nice if you can offer one or two drinks such as fizz for toasts, but I’d never expect a free bar.
We had a live band - it was our top priority as we both love live music.
Evening invites is fine but I’d personally only attend an evening wedding if it was fairly local. I’m always touched to get invited to any part of a wedding!

Oh yeah ditch the favours- no point .

If anyone has an affair at the wedding or is having a affair, if they could behave so, they don't spoil the wedding.

Also something loads of people would hate but I’ve loved recently at a wedding was a face painter came about 9pm - she was doing little face designs/glitter/full on face painting like animals and not just the kids but the adults got stuck in, there was the grooms 89yo grandad with his face done all glittery, the pictures are absolutely hilarious.

Oh and definitely sit couples together, and sit family and friends together l. I know some people don’t like them but I much prefer a table plan - easier than awkwardly going round to find a seat!

Plenty of comfortable seating.
Areas close and slightly away from the noise/disco/band.
Access to free soft drink/warm drinks.
Time to mingle and enjoy the day - not over scheduled.

Nothing long and drawn out.
Enough food
Good music

Not too long a gap between the ceremony and the food. Yea pictures takes time but the last few weddings it’s been 3.5-4 hours and everyone was absolutely starving (and pissed from the welcome drinks)

I did scratch cards in little envelopes with a nice old fashioned seal and a 1pence inside. Someone won a tenner lol

Canapés and booze whilst the photos are being done.

Good food but not too heavy. Nearly felll asleep at one wedding as the wedding breakfast was so substantial.

Oh and yes as PP said a table plan is helpful and stops the awkward finding a table part. Just leave time at the end of the meal for people to move around and swap tables and chat.

Enough food, no long gaps, plenty of accomodation nearby, somewhere to sit during the day. Not interested in favours or a free bar. An evening invitation is fine as long as it's not in the middle of nowhere.

Not having to wait until you’re starving for food.
Having somewhere to sit and buy a drink of your choice any time you’re waiting around.
Favours, table decorations, invitations don’t matter.

(I once had to stand outside in the freezing cold for 90 minutes whilst they changed the room around and the only drink served was gin because the bride loves it and didn’t care if none of her guests did too).

(Another time we all had to stand for 2 hours in a castle hallway whilst they had photos taken).

Don't care about favours, do make an effort to speak to your guests and thank them for coming

Don’t know why I said warm drinks. Obviously I mean hot drinks.

Agree with PPs about there being somewhere to sit down. I went to a wedding after party type thing in a bar and the floor was cleared for dancing, a few chairs for elderly guests at the side. I was stood up from 2pm til midnight and my feet and back were killing me.

Either a room away from the music where people can chat, or have the music at a volume that allows people to chat in the same room. Been to so many weddings where the band cranks up the music so loud you can't speak to anyone and end up just sitting in silence watching drunk people dance.

Food
A few free drinks (not all night but a few are appreciated)
Good DJ
We didn't have favours at ours
Not having to stand around for ages for photos
Cheap hen and stag dos
Option to take kids or not being funny if people can't get babysitters so can't come if no kids invited

Of all the (very) many weddings I've been to I am struggling to clearly recall a single wedding favour. So I'm in the ditch 'em camp there.

I've never been offended by an evening only invite, but I haven't attended many. The evening is probably my least favourite part of a wedding. It can be a great party if lots of your friends are going too, but that's all I get out of it. I'd rather just attend the church/registry office than just the evening do. I'm also no fan of wedding breakfasts. A late ceremony that goes straight into a drinks reception with a few speeches and then a decent buffet and dancing could allow you to cater to more people for the full thing? Might upset your mum if she's aghast at the idea of no favours.

I want parking at the venue but also access to cabs to get home if I'm drinking. Somewhere to sit. No standing around like lemmings waiting for ages while official photos (or anything else) get sorted out. Something to drink, whether it's juice, a cup of tea, a signature cocktail or access to a pay bar. Something to eat. No insane wait for food after an early ceremony. Not to be expected to get a room to help subsidize the wedding.

The harder stuff - No drunk uncle/zanny best man who acts inappropriately towards the younger women (though appreciate there's often little choice/control on this). A chance to talk to the bride/groom that isn't a crazy faux greeting as they run from place to place, but appreciate this can be difficult if it's a large wedding.

Happy to go to a local evening do.
All I need is a comfy seat to sit in and something to eat Do think about accessibility of the venue if any of your guests are elderly or disabled. Pay bar is fine (in fact never been to a wedding with a free bar all night) but make sure your guests are aware and that you communicate whether they accept cash only / card only / Apple Pay / whatever, so no one is caught out on the night.

One of the nicest ideas I've encountered:
From the end of the ceremony until the end of the speeches, a couple of local friends ran craft activities in another room for any children who wanted. I think there were games and TV as well, for those who did like crafts. As parents, we were able to spend time catching up with friends we hadn't seen in ages without having to handle bored children. The children rejoined us when the food was about to be served.

Food at appropriate times is the most important one, including snacks and access to drinks for kids and adults if there is waiting around.

Somewhere to sit/get out of the sun/rain during photographs etc

Parking

Decent music in the evening.

Evening invitations are fine for friends and extended family as long as the wedding is within an hour or so drive

I’ve ever been to a wedding with a free bar.

I hate stupidly early starts for weddings. I can appreciate that the couple want a big day, but expecting guests to attend a wedding before 3pm and stay till dawn is madness.

Enough food, but not cold, tasteless meat with watery gravy. And not gaps of forever between courses. And not being expecting to spend a small fortune on the day.