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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

741 replies

Scarfmisuseissues · 19/04/2022 17:54

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

OP posts:
Ceebeegee · 19/04/2022 22:06

Not too fussed about favours.

A clear seating plan that isn't in teeny tiny scrolly writing.

As pp's have mentioned.... have your guests fed , watered and a place to sit / lounge / mingle without being on their feet all day . If you're spending ages on photos , get your guests canapés and access to drinks, bonus if there's some music or entertainment whilst they're hanging around. Garden toys for kids if you have them (like big jenga or something) . Even some balloons can keep kids entertained.

grapewines · 19/04/2022 22:07

Short speeches and not dragging the whole thing out until midnight.

Gonnagetgoing · 19/04/2022 22:07

Decent food at convenient times - so you’re not starving etc.
Wine or bubbly on table and I’ll pay for my own etc drinks
Good band/DJ (preferably with requests)
Not too cold/hot/wet/sunny etc.or with appropriate shade etc. I’ve been at weddings where I’ve been stood around in hot sun for ages, the marquee wasn’t big enough and I didn’t wear a hat and I ended up getting heatstroke and fainting! It was abroad though!
Favours I really don’t care about! It’s nice though to have eg a disposable camera which is what SIL did as part of hers.

Matilda1981 · 19/04/2022 22:07

Love a late afternoon wedding (can do small with v few people or have everyone) then a big party so only one meal!!! If you got married at 4pm reception starts around 5pm canapés and drinks and then food 7ish. Massive cheese board for when people get the munchies late at night!

Matilda1981 · 19/04/2022 22:08

Don’t care about favours - nice to have reception drink and wine at the tables if not a free bar!

yesterdayisgone · 19/04/2022 22:08

We are planning our wedding for December this year . Loads of food , booze , music and a caricature artist . The favours will be alcohol miniatures or scratch cards . Our wedding is going to be a fun party 150 guests

PurBal · 19/04/2022 22:08

I wouldn’t go to a wedding where I was only invited to the evening. I have declined these invitations in the past. The point of a wedding is two people exchanging vows and I want to witness the people I care about doing that. If I’m invited though make sure there is enough food.

MooseBreath · 19/04/2022 22:09

During "boring" parts like photos (I understand wanting to include this, but for those who aren't immediate family or bridal party, it is dull!), make sure there is seating and possibly appetizers.

Favours are a waste if time unless delicious.

The music needs to be good for dancing if you want people to dance! Try to include lots of genres for each generation.

Try to have those giving speeches be humorous and/or good at public speaking.

If your wedding is child-friendly, consider providing crayons and a colouring book or something quiet for during speeches when they can't be running mad.

Winederlust · 19/04/2022 22:11

If you're having evening only guests, none of this 'carriages at 11' rubbish. I've come for the party so give me one!

Gonnagetgoing · 19/04/2022 22:11

Oh - reasonably priced bar. I’d prefer free bar but if not it’s a good idea if eg there’s a tab for everyone and it’s shared equally but runs out eg after certain amount or time. That solves the issue if people don’t drink wine/bubbly etc which some don’t (and then complain about!). You could also set the timed etc pre paid tab rather than have wine/bubbly on the tables. I’ve seen some people get hammered on the wine on tables whilst waiting for food which isn’t good in my experience.

Dunnoburt · 19/04/2022 22:11

Food.... Booze.... And a chair!.... Grin (I'm serious!)

user1471538283 · 19/04/2022 22:11

We are terrible for food so plenty of food and lots of water. In every wedding with favors they tend to get left on the table.

Gonnagetgoing · 19/04/2022 22:13

@Winederlust

If you're having evening only guests, none of this 'carriages at 11' rubbish. I've come for the party so give me one!
@Winederlust - god yeah! If I’ve paid for drinks, accommodation, present, hen party etc there’s no way I’m leaving before midnight like Cinderella - I want to get my money’s worth and boogie on down! Grin
ElfAndSafetyBored · 19/04/2022 22:13

I don’t mind buying my own drinks but I object to OTT bar prices. We went to one in a posh Manchester hotel where each trip to the bar incurred an automatic 10% tip (they didn’t even bring it to us) on top of £9 a small glass of wine. It was the most sober wedding I ever went to (hmmm maybe that’s what they wanted? 🤣).

Gonnagetgoing · 19/04/2022 22:15

What SIL’s guests did was took photos with their disposable cameras and then I think they went into a separate wedding album (which no one probably ever looked at! I can’t do strike through on my phone!)

chisanunian · 19/04/2022 22:17

I don't want to be bored.

I don't want to have to stand around for hours in uncomfortable shoes making small talk with people I don't know (or people I do know and dislike!) whilst holding a glass of Bucks Fizz I didn't ask for, and waiting for hundreds of photos to be taken.

I don't want to go hungry.

That's pretty much it, to be honest.

Synchrony · 19/04/2022 22:18

Ooh, I also agree on no ridiculous week - long foreign hen-do.

And agree on not keeping evening guests waiting outside. Speeches and dinner always seem to overrun and in the worst example of this, I (and the other evening only guests) were stuck outside in the rain for over an hour before being allowed in. There was literally nowhere to shelter or sit, or get food or drink. Miserable.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/04/2022 22:18

Food
Drink
Seats
No rules about DC or no DC
Limited time spent waiting around for photos
Good band or DJ
No rules around dress
No stupid poems about wanting cash

RachelGreeneGreep · 19/04/2022 22:19

@MadameFantabulosa

If you are going to spend forever having photos taken, please provide your guests with the following, in this order:

Somewhere to sit, and with seats. We don’t want to sit on the floor or on stairs.

Something to drink. Water or soft drinks or tea and coffee are fine.

Something to eat. Crisps, nuts, canapés.

This really. At a wedding some years ago where the families went to a separate location to get photos, before the meal, the b&g made sure that everyone was well looked after in their absence, tea, coffee, drinks, and snacks. Comfortable seating indoors and outdoors. We were very happy.
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/04/2022 22:20

And for me-you’re either invited or not. No evening shit

Faevern · 19/04/2022 22:21

@Matilda1981

Love a late afternoon wedding (can do small with v few people or have everyone) then a big party so only one meal!!! If you got married at 4pm reception starts around 5pm canapés and drinks and then food 7ish. Massive cheese board for when people get the munchies late at night!
We went to a wedding like that we were all starving. Our invite said 3.30 for 4pm. Factor in the arrival time, the travel time and getting ready time people hadn’t eaten for hours by the time 7 ish came.

If your having evening food for an afternoon wedding do notify your guests in advance.

Benjispruce4 · 19/04/2022 22:23

1.Preferably drinks while photos being taken.

  1. Short speeches.
  2. Happy with an evening invitation for friends of the couple.
  3. Good music not wedding cheese.
Caulidop · 19/04/2022 22:23

Another vote for appropriate amounts of feeding! If people are going to be waiting around or later meal, provide canapes. A welcome drink/after ceremony drink is nice (no-one expects drinks for free all day, table wine for meal is nice if you can stretch to it). For evening guests, I think it makes a big difference if there's an effort made to welcome them rather than them just turn up mid party as such, so maybe a welcome drink for them or even just taking the time to be available to greet them and chat. Also feeding evening guests as well important...I once went to a wedding where all the evening guests got a chip cob Confused I can't imagine anyone being bothered about favours. Unless there was something you specifically wanted to do, don't worry about it. Good luck OP!

Caulidop · 19/04/2022 22:24

Oh god yeah short speeches! No-one appreciates an hour long speech with in jokes for 4 people!

SW1amp · 19/04/2022 22:24

@PrimarySENCo

The most important thing to me is sitting with people I know. I hate sitting with strangers I'll never see again and having to make small talk.

Weddings are about coming together with those you don't see enough and want to have a proper day catching up with.

This!

As interesting as you think I’ll find your husbands old flat mate, I would much rather sit with and catch up with our old uni mates

I went to a wedding where they spilt up couples at the tables
The amount of musical chairs that had gone on before the main course.,! I don’t think any table had more than 50% of its designated people left on it