To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Plenty of food, and with good timing! We had a street food van from 4-11pm at our wedding, it was comparatively cheap and it worked so well, but I’ve been to weddings where they spent a fortune on food at 3pm and nothing later. Drinks, not necessarily free bar but ideally not extortionately priced, and jugs of water readily available at least. Favours are a complete waste of time IMO. I’ve been to countless weddings and the only favours I can actually recall are miniatures and scratch cards, the rest defo got left behind. No over bearing photographer or marry-aoke (if you don’t know what I mean by that then count your lucky stars). Music, food and drinks are all good places to spend, in my experience. Aside from the guests, though, it is YOUR wedding. Of course consider your guests, but have a long hard think about what will make it enjoyable for you both, first and foremost.

The only thing I absolutely hate at weddings is waiting around for ages without food after the ceremony, I guess it’s while the photos are being taken. Every wedding where this has happened it’s stuck in my head as a memorable part of the day for the wrong reasons!
I also dislike long speeches but I guess you can’t do anything about that.
Some drinks are appreciated, if there for the meal just a couple bottles of wine on the table is a nice gesture.

I think weddings were more fun when they were straight from church / registry to village hall / function room in pub / gazebos or if really posh, a marquee in the garden.

Nice buffet provided by relatives or caterers, a barrel from the brewery, drink supplied because bought at cost from Majestic etc.

Local band playing popular covers, local DJ,

Nothing over priced due to ‘wedding venue’.

@Lucia574

Enough to eat and drink. A cash bar is fine. Keep the speeches short. Not remotely bothered about favours etc.

I agree. If you have a long wait while photos etc are being taken, some fizz and canapes are a nice touch (we did fizz but no canapes at ours). We didn't have favours, we had wedding crackers (maybe not a good idea now, not very eco-friendly) and disposable cameras on the tables (also not very eco-friendly and probably no longer necessary with decent cameras on mobile phones).

Also, if your wedding and reception are in different places, try to have them in places accessible by public transport if possible. Our wedding was about 15 mins walk from one railway station and the hotel where the reception was, was right next to another. I think most people probably did travel by car or get lifts, but at least the train was an option.

Not too much formality, not too much waiting around. We had substantial canapés instead of a starter, plus lawn games (village fete theme!) before the wedding breakfast. This was so that the guests were fed and occupied whilst the photos were being taken.

I couldn't care less if there are favors/ photo booth / sweet cart!
I want somewhere to sit, warmth, enough food and not to have to wait around for hours while the photographer faffs about.

At a recent wedding, there were endless combinations of photos and the idiot photographer kept the frail, elderly grandparents till almost last!!! They should have been done first so they could go and sit down.

Food at appropriate times that caters for your guests' dietary requirements. Went to a wedding where they wanted to be 'different' and served a tiny light canapé lunch at 11am and then nothing until 7pm. This was in the middle of nowhere and we were starving!
Also froze outside while B&G had their photos taken

Stands out in my mind for all the wrong reasons

@Vasectomyreversalhopeful

Good food and plenty of it Plenty of seating Sitting people with people they know A quieter area for people who don’t want to dance all night to chat and relax

Agree with @Vasectomyreversalhopeful 100% Me, DH & grown up 2DC were seated with a close friendship group of my niece at her wedding. My parents and older brother + GF had 4 randoms on their table. I don’t understand why we were split up but it’s just a meal so I would never complain to her.

Love the no favours and therefore no useless stuff to take home! A recent memorable wedding for the right reasons donated a significant sum to cancer research and the favour was the pin badge. Absolutely perfect

Food & drink. Don’t worry about a free bar - a welcome drink and a decent amount on the tables during the meal will be fine.
Good music that caters to all tastes.
Some sort of evening fun - we went with a photobooth and it really broke up the night.

Ditch the fancy invites, flowers (DIY all the way) and favours. Fancy cake - just get something cheap and add some fake flowers! No one cares about all the faff honestly.

Keep coming back to this thread having thought of something else 😂

Don’t let your suppliers tell you what to do. I still regret that our photographer insisted on taking me and DH off for “romantic” shots together- I’d have far rather have spent that time with our guests, the whole idea of it was completely cringeworthy for us and we didn’t pick any of those photos for the album. You can just say no to stuff. If your supplier objects (as our photographer did, saying that we’d regret it) go with someone else. Same goes for hair and make up people who want you to have 2 inches of foundation and a vat of hairspray “for the photos”. If that’s not you, just say no.

(Veering a bit into general wedding advice here.)

I'm a wedding photographer and no lengthy delays would be a huge one. People feel so uncomfortable if there's only a handful of them sitting around in the hotel or venue. I always remember the wedding where thousands had been spent on prosecco, shortbread, chocolate fountains etc and they were untouched as everyone arrived late and the wedding coordinator pushed them through to the reception.That wedding had 550 guests which was breathtaking.
Extra vegetables and potatoes being offered at the table is really important.Short speeches are a given.
Time to talk and catch up without blasting the older people with music is important.
Listen to the staff if rooms need cleared and maybe alert your groomsmen to this.
Bouquets are really important for the photos but I couldn't tell you how many times I've had to remove them from under buggies or out of pint glasses of water.
The flow of the day is so much easier if bridesmaids and groomsmen cooperate by rounding people up etc.

• food and drink (happy to buy my own drink, but a drink for the toast and a welcome drink are always welcome).
• Speeches kept to a minimum
• Not bothered about favours at all, save the money and put it towards a live band!
• a good live band

I know this is not what you asked and i apologise for tangent but at my sisters wedding (it was over ten years ago now was a big wedding with reception etc.) quite a few people who were only invited to evening do turned up to watch the actual ceremony at the church. Not saying this will happen or is right or wrong etc. I was just thinking about your partner being shyer.

A work colleague had a wedding where instead of favours, they had a raffle, they had spent what they would on favours on raffle prizes and held it whilst the B&G were having photo's , kept people amused.

No favours is fine, they weren't a thing until a few years ago (American import). No sweets, chocolate fountain (parents will thank you) don't bother with a photo booth. Find a photography student for your photos. Buffet or bbq rather than sit down, choose an unlicensed venue and bring your own drinks

I don't care about favours.
Every wedding I've been to has had too much food so I don't get the calls for 'more food' at all.
I agree about the hanging around when the family's taking photos.

I don't mind only being invited to the evening if I have friends who are also only invited to the evening, but don't invite me to the hen night if I'm not invited to the actual wedding.

Being present for the wedding ceremony itself.
Couldn't care less about favours etc (we didn't have favours, wedding cake, speeches or a first, or indeed any, dance).
That guests are made to feel welcome (including children - had 15 under-5s at our wedding!) and don't spend hours hanging around.
That the venue can be reached easily by public transport. Or else transport is provided from nearest station.
That the timings are such that you can feasibly go to it without spending a fortune on staying overnight. Ours was timed (3.30pm ceremony followed by afternoon tea) so almost everyone could attend as a day trip and we had so many positive comments about that afterwards!

Sitting with people you know at the wedding breakfast! I don't know what people are thinking when they mix everyone up. Awful.

Loads of food, no massive waits, and not having a big drive between church and venue. Once had to drive 1.5 hours to then wait 3 more hours for any food. Husband was murderous.

Reasonable food, please don't make the veggie option double as the vegan/dairy free/nutfree/gluten free fake meat horror!

Plenty of seating, especially if there are lengthy photograph sessions. Access to some soft drink or similar during lengthy photo sessions/gaps is nice.

Wine with the wedding breakfast but cash bar afterward is fine.

Ditch fripperies such as wedding favours, exotic table centres and decorations. I honestly would struggle to describe the table centres, favours, decor of weddings in recent years - I remember the couple, the people we met, relaxed atmospheres (or not).

Honestly what I really want to see is the bride and groom make their promises and look happy together and as if they are enjoying their own wedding and hopefully from a seat with some decent food!

I'm strongly in the no wedding favours camp - they add nothing to the day, just something to stick in your bag to be polite.

A buffet is great - and if you're a veggie of have some veggie quiches and pies to keep the older non-veggies happy.

And chairs don't need covers and sashes - though you sound very sensible so you probably weren't going to be dragged into this.

I like music, band, dj or spotify play list all find, as a dance is fun.

And try to make time to at least say hello to all of your guests during the evening, I had a cousin who spent her wedding hanging with her husband and their friends, so didn't feel like a celebration of their marriage. My many aunts were quite hurt.

I think evening invites are fine - just let people know that numbers are limited for the main event but you'd really like to be able to see them for part of the day.

Have a great day, hope MIL can accept that she's had her wedding day, this is yours and your partners so you have the final call.

Food
Reasonably priced drinks
Plenty of seating
Relaxed not stuffy atmosphere
Don't opt for an 11am service - we have just recieved an 'arrive at 10am' invite, the venue is an hour away and they plan on keeping it going until 1am...
No photos that go on for hours
Keep things going rather then having regular slots of hanging around.
Favours often just get left on tables

Food!
Not having to wait hours ravenous in the middle of nowhere without food..
At keast warn so people can pack sandwiches if so- 🙂