Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

741 replies

Scarfmisuseissues · 19/04/2022 17:54

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

OP posts:
nettie434 · 19/04/2022 20:41

I wouldn't mind about favours. I also think it's ok to only have flowers on the head table but that's more controversial. Plenty of seats are always welcome - especially for those of us who get uncomfortable in high heels. I'd also think about having a cash bar and just providing fizz for the toasts and soft drinks. I've been to a lot of events where there is one 'free' bottle of red/white on each table but I think that's really only an advantage for the caterers. There are so many times when the either the red or white bottle is left half finished because the majority of people at the table have a specific preference for the colour wine they drink.

I've never been to a wedding like TicTac80's or Itishard's but they sound lovely.

Gizacluethen · 19/04/2022 20:43

I don't care if its evening only. Don't care about favours. Enough food, enough chairs, not horribly loud music.

ParisHarris · 19/04/2022 20:43

Another one- don’t have a seating plan with a buffet, or you risk guests eating alone while the rest of their table is still queuing. Buffet=sit where you want. For a seating plan you need table service so the whole table is served roughly together.

Hollywolly1 · 19/04/2022 20:46

What are favours😂😂😂if someone could enlighten me,I certainly didn't have it at my wedding

Childof70s · 19/04/2022 20:47

If kids at wedding best thing at my cousins wedding was kids got food first - easy stuff like chicken nuggets so they were happy then adults could enjoy their food while kiddies played on the dance floor, had lots of colouring stuff, games, top trumps etc to keep them busy. Then instead of favours had different old fashioned sweeties in jars on each table with wee bags for them to go round each table while grownups had coffee & before speeches. There were a lot of kids at this wedding & made it so much less stressful for all, includingbride & groom who had 3 of own.

ArtVandalay · 19/04/2022 20:47

If you have older guests, think about having some seating away from the evening music. Complaints about the music being too loud to chat is a recurring one for the older folk.

Echobelly · 19/04/2022 20:47

Don't care about favours. What I do want:

  • To be decently fed
  • Not to be left standing around for hours while couple has photos taken, especially not without drinks or snacks (this happens surprisingly often)
  • To have a coach laid on if you're going to be out in The Sticks somewhere, especially if no train nearby
  • If there's a wedding list, a variety of price points available
  • Basic consideration of needs - ie, how is this going to work for guests with babies and young kids; on low income; who can't get time off work; who've never been to a wedding in their adult life and may not know how things work; who don't drive? This was super important to me for our wedding - I didn't want it to be 'work' or an imposition or inconvenience for our guests.
caringcarer · 19/04/2022 20:48

Somewhere to sit whilst photos being taken. My back won't tolerate long periods of standing.
Nice food at sensible times.
Decent wine/champagne
Seating for evening do, enough so all guests can access, again I can't stand around.
I like to see venue with lots of fresh flowers.
I don't care about favours, cake, photos, seating on named tables or random, seat dressings and the such. I am happy to pay for own drinks in evening.

wouldthatbeworse · 19/04/2022 20:48

It not going on for hours and hours. I don’t have 12 hours of chat while wearing heals. Ceremony at 3 , finish at 11. Max

starfishmummy · 19/04/2022 20:49

Cash bar is fine. Favours didn't used to be a thing, so they're nice but I'm not bothered. Evening only invitation is fine if relatively local i.e we can get back afterwards would be unlikely to go if we had to book a room. But if you are ha ingredients evening guests then make sure there are places where they can sit - last few we've been to just had the chairs/tables from the main reception so nowhere to sit until some of the day guests left.

As a tee totaller who doesnt like most soft drinks (at least not to drink for hours), the availability of decaff coffee at the bar would be a plus!!

Leftbutcameback · 19/04/2022 20:49

I went to a brilliant wedding a few years ago. It was later in the afternoon, the food was sausage and mash with veggie option, lots of wine on tables and the bar wasn't expensive. Live covers band playing great music so everyone danced all night. Earlyish finish. No speeches as far as I can remember, and no favours. It was in a pretty but cosy barn venue and it only took about 6 hours in total. Awesome.

csectionmumma · 19/04/2022 20:52

The ceremony
Canapés
Speeches
Drink flowing in the reception afterwards
Having somewhere to sit

Things they don't care about:

Favours (put money elsewhere)
Wine on the table is often disgusting so either keep it as prosecco / champagne or ask the waiting staff to take other orders

No long gaps

XenoBitch · 19/04/2022 20:52

Disclaimer here.. I hate weddings. 99% of them are dull, copycat dross.

What has stuck out to me is the "cocktail hour" that is more like 2 or 3 hours where the guest just have to wander about and entertain themselves. Sort that bit out.

nonevernotever · 19/04/2022 20:53

The best wedding I've ever been to was a really relaxed wedding where we walked straight from the church to the village hall for the reception, were fed immediately (self catered with baked potatoes, a meat chilli and a veggie chilli and lots of different salads) the wedding cake was chocolate biscuit cake, there weren't any staged photos just lots of informal reportage style pictures, children were welcome, people were sat with people they knew and there was a ceilidh band with a caller. There were no favours, bridesmaids, best man, first dance etc but the bride and groom looked really really happy and as though they knew exactly what they were signing up for.

ImNotDancing · 19/04/2022 20:54

Enough water on the table, last wedding I went to was tables of 8 and 4 bottles of wine but only one bottle of water! I was driving so not drinking alcohol and it was a pain

Newusername3kidss · 19/04/2022 20:54

Like most people have said - food!! We went to a crazy fancy wedding which I know cost them a fortune but the wait between the wedding ceremony and food was ridiculous. We ended up going back to room and ordered room service (I was heavily pregnant so using that as an excuse).

JudgeJ · 19/04/2022 20:55

A location that doesn't involve plane rides and days in hotels.

BorderlineBagpuss · 19/04/2022 20:57

I think you should find a way to do a free bar eg buy all booze from Lidl. It really is the most important thing. Weddings can be awkward and boring affairs as everyone waits around and is next to strangers etc. The alcohol really helps people enjoy themselves.

Newusername3kidss · 19/04/2022 20:58

One of the loveliest weddings we went to was an outdoor humanist ceremony followed immediately by afternoon tea in a barn (which had been made by the mums and aunties) with lots of prosecco, outdoor games and then a band and hog roast few hours later. Was the most

Leftbutcameback · 19/04/2022 20:58

And soft drinks for the designated driver!

Genevieva · 19/04/2022 20:59

I hate wedding favours. I think a sprinkling of sugared almonds is more than enough on that front.

However I also don’t like pay-as-you-go bars. We provided all the booze. Though if you have chosen a venue with a wedding package that is probably prohibitively expensive.

No one cares about expensive venues. They would rather go somewhere meaningful to you. The most enjoyable wedding I ever went to was in a village hall. The least enjoyable were both in listed buildings overlooking the Thames (not the same venue). One had seven different wine glasses and more courses than I could count. It was so formal and the speeches took so long that the wedding breakfast didn’t finish until gone 10pm.

Which leads to the next point - keep speeches short and light. And tell the best man not to embarrass the grandmothers in the room. His speech is not an extension of the stag do and no one needs to know the details of that or any prior girlfriends or drunken holidays.

RosesAndHellebores · 19/04/2022 21:00

OP I think your first post gives a guide. Your groom is nervous in front of a lot of people. Therefore a small marriage ceremony for a relatively small number of people who really matter to you to be well fed, provided with lashings of wine. If you can't afford to cater for more than that there doesn't need to be an evening party.

FWIW I have never remembered the cake and favours have ended up squashed at the bottom of a handbag. Neither do you need hideously expensive shoes if you are wearing a long frock.

IwaswhoIam · 19/04/2022 21:01

I don’t care about favours in the slightest ! I like a nice cocktail hour though with a nice social atmosphere. I like good food too. I don’t mind in the slightest paying for my drinks. I hate long speeches.

I think evening only invite is fine . I grew up in a small town and it was common, especially as friend groups were huge . Small towns were like that growing up and everyone was friends. I haven’t seen it recently though ( I’m a city girl now ).

Narwhalelife · 19/04/2022 21:02

Buffet & a GOOD DJ with decent music (no YMCA, Agadoo)!! As a wedding guest it’s what I want and what il be spending money!

irishfarmer · 19/04/2022 21:02

With evening invites I don't mind them. I have been to the evening of a few neighbours I grew up with. Not great friends anymore but feel like distant cousins.

Food, plenty of food! After having a wedding were food wasn't plated and we shared everything at the table I felt cheated by some of the ppl at my table. Was still tasty though.

Wine at the dinner and a drink at reception, not worried about a free bar.

A good band to get the crowd dancing.
Accommodation that isn't a rip off.
Not to have a long drive between the church and venue.
Went to a venue that wouldn't let us in until the wedding start time. We had to stand outside in the rain for about 20 mins!! Quite a few went off to the pub.

I love a good wedding. I loved mine. Hope you have a great day