To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Favours are pointless tbh, Instead of favours you could tell your MIL you will be donating that cost to a charity instead- A friend did this as her DM had sadly passed away a few weeks before of cancer, the guests were told during speeches about the no favours! A lovely idea I thought overall.

Decent food day and night- I know youve covered this! Ive been to 2 weddings where no food was served PM - I was a day guest at one and a buffet was served midday, my table was last called up and there was barely anything left when we went up and then no food at all in the evening, I went home by 8.30pm,very hungry!

Keep speeches short- One wedding I went to had 8 speeches from 1st course- Dessert! Ridiculous!!

Food & Drink served whilst photos are taken too

I wouldn’t expect free bar but a few free drinks and nice food.
Enough food all the time. No waiting around. Fun things to do, nice people.

I’m also delighted to be invited to a wedding and wouldn’t expect to go to everything at all times.

I wouldn’t expect favours but they can be nice.

Information about how to get back and when eg are taxis available, little things like that.

Never bothered about favours, evening invite is just as good as all day. I’ll never understand why people get their knickers in a twist about an evening invite.

A nice ceremony - either secular or religious. Whatever. Buy something that obviously matters to the couple.
Sufficient seating
Good ventilation
Being able to take our children.

Don’t worry about not having a free bar.
But yes, an evening only invitation, whilst not something that would offend me, would disappoint me (unless the person bride and groom were work colleagues or neighbours). Actually being present to see people you care about getting married is more important to me than the food and drink on offer.

Short as possible (4pm is a good start time for me) I hate long weddings, they’re so boring for everyone except the bride and groom

Don’t demand the wedding party do things such as only a certain hair colour , certain outfits , cover tattoos or take piercings out, they are close to you and you should love them how they are and not want to change them for one day

Local only if you want guests but you need to understand that if you want abroad a lot of people can’t afford it so don’t be offended if they say no and never speak to them again

Good food and drink ( and lots of it)

No speeches for me ( I find them painful not funny but I might be the only one who hates them 😆)

No hen doo or just a local one if you want one

No dress codes

Don’t put a stupid poem in the invite if you want cash, just ask friends and family direct for it

But. Not buy. Sorry.

I went to a wedding where they had a lucky dip as a wedding favour. I’m not really bothered about favours but that one always stuck with me and I’d do it for my wedding

No waiting about for absolutely ages unless there’s enough nibbles going about.
Not too expensive booze

A great night time buffet and music.
My friends wedding had great buffet food at night and also cut up her wedding cake which was all different flavours. Amazing

And. No dress codes.
No asking for money.

Plenty of food and drink, and not waiting FOREVER between ceremony and sitting down to eat at the reception.

Standing around making two glasses of Prosecco last two hours while the bride and groom have eleven billion photos taken is not fun.

People don’t mind travelling between ceremony and reception venue, generally, BUT it’s good manners to lay on a coach between or at least one to the main town at the end of the night, and make sure guests are fed pronto.

If you’re having a band or disco try and cater to a range of music tastes, not just three hours of garage or thrash metal - and if any Mum us breastfeeding you really can’t ask her not to bring her baby if they’re under a year old.

Oh, and no cringeworthy poems asking for money.

For me:
Don't ask for money as a gift. Don't produce a gift list unless it's requested.
The sit down meal is a waste of money. It's very difficult to mass cater to a high standard on a budget and it makes for a lot of sitting around while everyone is served, plus speeches.
A late wedding straight into the evening do works well and there's no two tier guest list.
Anyone giving a speech should be funny in a way everyone gets, with minimal in jokes. And if they can't be funny, make sure they're brief.
A DJ goes down with a wider range of people than a band. A good DJ who reads the room makes or breaks your party. Don't be too set on your own play list. Mainstream floor fillers are the way to go.
If you've skipped the day meal you can include hot food in the evening. Curry goes down very well.
Try and have a little chat with all your guests at the party.

Plenty of hot food.

For me food is important I prefer sit down especially if you have had a lunchtime time ceremony so not had chance to eat and then meal is not until 5pm gone but if you have buffet make sure it’s has plenty of choices and caters for the number of guests you invite. Been to so many where the buffet is only enough for 20 guests and there’s is 60 plus there. Also if you don’t want to do to a sitting plan don’t then ask guests to move as you had ear marked that table for kids etc especially when we included the best man and usher. Also if Iam only invited to evening to be surprised if I turn it down especially if it’s miles away.

Best weddings I've been to are local venues, lots of food/buffet (nothing fancy, rolls in sausage or bacon go down at treat at night). Cheap food and more guests over a fancy menu every time. Single venue for ceremony and after is the ultimate!

Later ceremony and no hanging about between ceremony, food, evening. Funny (but short speeches)

Good band playing tunes for dancing (not too loud!). Lots of tables. Normal priced drinks.

Children included so proper family event. Evening invite fine if local.

Not bothered about favours, fancy invites, tables decor, pic n mix, photo booth, fire works, oversized wedding cake, seeing bridesmaids, expensive floral decorations (I remember my niece asking about the cherry blossom arch she had at her that she paid £300 to hire and I couldnt even remember waking under it!)

Most important is a relaxed bride and groom who dont take any issues during the day seriously and stay in good humour

Ditch commemorative favours - food of some sort Is always treat- I love a candy buffet

Most important as a guest : really good food and lots of it.

For me:

• I wouldn't attend if the invitation was for the evening only
• Favours - couldn't care less about (def. save yourself some money there!)
• Food - this is, almost without fail, abysmal at weddings. It would be nice if it wasn't, but I always expect it to be awful, so I wouldn't bother paying for a really expensive option (i.e. it will probably be bad no matter how much you pay, so go for what you can comfortably afford)
• Cake - I like dessert, but really couldn't care less if there was a traditional wedding cake or not so, again, I'd go for whatever you like/can afford rather than worrying about a many tiered extravaganza that will cost the same as a holiday to Europe
• Booze - would prefer it's free or pay bar is reasonable prices
• good music for party element of the day (def don't go for the hotel's package DJ)

Favours - pointless and usually naff. Although one wedding we went to, we were given tiny trees to plant which was a great idea. Also, a really funny one - everyone got a temporary tattoo transfer with a cartoon of the bride and groom.

No waiting around while photos are taken. Guests should be on fizz and canapés while this is going on.

No evening guests, just invite those you want all day.

Live band - not disco/DJ.

No requests for money.

I like a free bar, but not compulsory.

If you're saving money - ditch the cake. It's pointless.

No choreographed dance - please. So awful and done to bits and amusing only to the B&G.

FUN!
Good music, booze (I don't drink but most people want that) cameras on tables instead of favours.

If there is waiting around for photos, canepes and drinks.

And of course plenty of food.

Late afternoon ceremony, ideally 4pm. Then your guests don’t need a hotel the night before and check in to their hotel before the service and can have a proper lunch. Drinks at 5ish, dinner at 7 and dancing from 9. Much more pleasant for guests than hours of waiting around and everyone isn’t totally trashed and/or exhausted by evening

Don’t bother about favours. Also, the cake isn’t important unless you really care

If I'm there all day id like to be fed a good portion of tasty food. Curry, roast, takeaway pizza, I dont even care if I have to pay for it, I just dont want to go until 4pm on canapes.

Couldn't give a shit about favours, I think it's usually personalised tat and I dont want gimmicky trinkets in my home.

I'd rather you save your money and put it towards something you as a couple want rather than a token gesture if a drink for each guest.

If I had a wish list I'd like a stand with help yourself tea, coffee and squash so you arent rationing each thing until the appropriate point to refill.

Think about overall speech time. I went to one wedding where everyone and their dog did a speech and it took ages.

I feel really bad for your budget that you feel socially obliged to invite family friends AND all their family. Unless parents are paying I think at very best I'd evening do the lot of them. Remember you'll have to greet and small talk them and it just dilutes your time with the people you actually want to see.

I dont like when couples do a seating plan and it's all mixed up. I dont want to make small talk with random aunties while friends are spread across other tables. Its not fun.

If you're having kids maybe think about table toys. Fidget spinners. Sticker books.

Sorry for being a fun sponge! Have a lovely day!

DP reckons in her country gifts in the form of money are popular. We've to expect a large donation from each guest.😁🙈

no long gaps between wedding service and food.

please don't waste money (and it is a waste) of favours and flowers / decorations on table.

If you're providing wine on the tables - make sure the wine happens . I've been to several weddings where there was 1 bottle for table of 8 and yet the bill claimed there was much more.

Don't mind an evening invite

All speeches to be less then 5 minutes max. And someone keep the stop watch!

I am enjoying these replies. I fantasise about having a wedding one day, I've never been married.

I've been to a fair few weddings. The two that I thought were by far the best, were vastly different in budget. Think stately home no expenses spared 5 course meal, to village hall (quite a rickety one at that!) with a cold buffet made by bridal party and home made cake.

No difference in guest enjoyment-because people were looked after, had enough booze, didn't get time to get bored, didn't go hungry...Felt welcome.

Guest is the operative word-they're just that! Look after them.

Enough food
Free booze
Great music

I think champagne as the guests enter the venue is brilliant and relaxes people and wine with the meal but save on the free bar as I think no need just let the guests buy their own drinks.
Keep speeches to 39 mins max or people get bored.