Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won’t believe I’m infertile AIBU?

133 replies

GloriaDellores · 19/04/2022 16:43

I’m 36, met DP 2 years ago following a divorce. Stopped taking contraception 5 years ago during marriage to exH, as we’d agreed to TTC. Following 2 years of DTD regularly, using OPKs, preseed etc, we had no luck and the marriage eventually broke down due to this. We got as far as exH’s sperm being tested and coming back as normal.

After the marriage I remained off of contraception as I felt much better in myself. DP and I have been having unprotected regular sex since we met (DP fully aware) yet nothing has happened in 2 years, unsurprisingly. I privately funded a fertility assessment for myself recently inc Ultrasound scan of the uterus and bloods (inc AMH) and all came back normal, yet still no pregnancy in all these years, so I know something is not right.

I’ve always had a feeling, like a knowing, deep down that I’m infertile and my lack of conception over the past few years has only further proven this. DP is very keen to have a baby (as am I) and really wants to start “trying” in the form of tracking cycles etc, all of which I’ve done in the past to no avail and only leads to disappointment and upset. DP won’t accept that I’m infertile and says we must try, we must have hope, he knows it will happen etc etc.

AIBU in not wanting to try and wanting DH to accept the facts? In my mind there is no hope of natural conception at this stage and IVF is likely our only route Sad

OP posts:
Horcruxe · 19/04/2022 16:55

YANBU.

If you've been having u protected sex for over 2 years its beat to see your doctor for advice.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 19/04/2022 17:00

He’s being quite disrespectful of your feelings and your experience. On what grounds does he think he knows better than you?

And what is he going to do if and when he finally has to face the reality?

Franca123 · 19/04/2022 17:03

You need to go to the GP now and understand what is funded in your area. Like you say, you should have got pregnant by now. There may be a waiting list you should be on.

BemoreDerek · 19/04/2022 17:05

It sounds to me as though DH thinks you're only 'trying' if you're charting etc, you need to explain that 2 years of unprotected sex is trying. Am I understanding correctly that you are willing/wanting to explore other options, IVF etc, you just don't want to waste time and energy on charting etc when you're fairly sure it will make no difference?

afizzysweet · 19/04/2022 17:06

You need to go to the GP for help if you were DTD regularly for 2 years and did not get pregnant. You may not be unable to have a baby yourself - you might just need some help.

Twizbe · 19/04/2022 17:08

The lack of pregnancy would suggest something isn't clicking. But test for you are all fine so your partner needs his sperm checking.

That said, if you want to go down the IVF route there are a few hoops to jump through with testing. Some of that testing is made easier by tracking cycles to some extent.

Could you agree to 'try' for a few months so you have this data for any testing / fertility appointments

lanthanum · 19/04/2022 17:13

It sounds as if you have enough grounds to go to the doctor on the basis of what's (not) happened so far. If the doctor suggests some tracking and record-keeping, then fair enough, but at least get onto their books if you're wanting to go down the IVF route.

TempName01 · 19/04/2022 17:13

Did you see the exPs sperm results? Just wondering if you knew for certain the problem was with you (get your DP to have some tests also). The other thing is that it might be worth the ovulation tracking again in case you are not ovulating every cycle and at least you know you are ttc at the right time. I imagine GP will ask you to track you ovulation for a few months before you go for further investigation. Good luck!

viques · 19/04/2022 17:16

Has your current partner had a fertility check?

Original poster
GloriaDellores · 19/04/2022 17:17

@BemoreDerek

It sounds to me as though DH thinks you're only 'trying' if you're charting etc, you need to explain that 2 years of unprotected sex is trying. Am I understanding correctly that you are willing/wanting to explore other options, IVF etc, you just don't want to waste time and energy on charting etc when you're fairly sure it will make no difference?
Yes that’s exactly it, I see our next step as getting on the long waiting list for IVF whereas DP thinks we should still be “trying” to conceive naturally
OP posts:
Triffid1 · 19/04/2022 17:18

YABU to have a blanket, "there are no options" if you haven't actually spoken to a doctor about it and looked at options.

There clearly IS a problem - years and years of unprotected sex with no pregnancy shows there is something wrong. But you've never sought actual medical help or intervention so I do think it's perfectly reasonable for your DP to want to go that route. I'm not sure I'd b other with charting and all that unless you only have sex once a month - I'd be going straight to a GP to start the process of referrals and further examinations and options.

Franca123 · 19/04/2022 17:18

Not sure what all this talk of tracking is. I was never asked to track anything. You've been trying long enough that the GP should refer you on if their following guidelines.

Blossomtoes · 19/04/2022 17:19

Does he actually want children?

Triffid1 · 19/04/2022 17:19

Also, to add, I think a lot of people, men especially, seem to think that "charting" or "tracking your cycle" is a magical fertility treatment.

Original poster
GloriaDellores · 19/04/2022 17:20

@TempName01

Did you see the exPs sperm results? Just wondering if you knew for certain the problem was with you (get your DP to have some tests also). The other thing is that it might be worth the ovulation tracking again in case you are not ovulating every cycle and at least you know you are ttc at the right time. I imagine GP will ask you to track you ovulation for a few months before you go for further investigation. Good luck!
Thanks, when I used opks it was showing positives each month for ovulation and all at the expected time. My uterus supposedly looks very healthy and my ovarian reserve is good. I can’t imagine what’s wrong but clearly there is something
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 19/04/2022 17:20

I see our next step as getting on the long waiting list for IVF whereas DP thinks we should still be “trying” to conceive naturally

Why can't you do both?

Ozanj · 19/04/2022 17:21

From your Op it seems like you just want to accept you’re infertile and not go for further treatment. Is that right? I was actually diagnosed as infertile and still managed to have dc with ivf, so there is some hope

AntarcticTern · 19/04/2022 17:21

YANBU. You have been trying for 2 years and at your age it's a good idea to move on to IVF ASAP.

Glittertwins · 19/04/2022 17:21

Definitely have grounds for further investigations if you've actively been trying to conceive for that length of time and nothing has happened. It's less invasive for him to have sperm checked and there's hysteroscopy and other things that can be checked for you. There should be funding for at least one round of NHS ivf treatment but please go to your GP to check there is nothing fundamentally wrong.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/04/2022 17:22

The human race wouldn't exist if you needed charting and temperature checking to conceive at all.

He can chart if he wants. But you can seek medical advice.

Franca123 · 19/04/2022 17:23

You will likely be put in the category of unexplained infertility. This is the best kind of infertility if you can say such a thing! My partner and I were the picture of health but still needed after trying for years. A third of infertility is unexplained.

Josette77 · 19/04/2022 17:23

I think a lot more testing needs to be done.
I wouldn't conclude you are infertile.
Also IUI is a better option than IVF to start.

DiscoStusMoonboots · 19/04/2022 17:25

This was my husband and I two years ago after two years of trying. We went down the medical route and have just started IVF. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

HairyMuttttt · 19/04/2022 17:25

Sometimes Clomid is given to women who can’t conceive despite normal results. Usually a few tablets start of cycle to encourage maturity of eggs. There’s also other steps which can be trialed before ivf. Best start the ball rolling privately or via nhs.

RedHelenB · 19/04/2022 17:26

I think yabu. You believe you're infertile but you don't know you are. I'm with ourdp on this, one given that you say you both want to conceive.