DP won’t believe I’m infertile AIBU?

[GloriaDellores]

I’m 36, met DP 2 years ago following a divorce. Stopped taking contraception 5 years ago during marriage to exH, as we’d agreed to TTC. Following 2 years of DTD regularly, using OPKs, preseed etc, we had no luck and the marriage eventually broke down due to this. We got as far as exH’s sperm being tested and coming back as normal.

After the marriage I remained off of contraception as I felt much better in myself. DP and I have been having unprotected regular sex since we met (DP fully aware) yet nothing has happened in 2 years, unsurprisingly. I privately funded a fertility assessment for myself recently inc Ultrasound scan of the uterus and bloods (inc AMH) and all came back normal, yet still no pregnancy in all these years, so I know something is not right.

I’ve always had a feeling, like a knowing, deep down that I’m infertile and my lack of conception over the past few years has only further proven this. DP is very keen to have a baby (as am I) and really wants to start “trying” in the form of tracking cycles etc, all of which I’ve done in the past to no avail and only leads to disappointment and upset. DP won’t accept that I’m infertile and says we must try, we must have hope, he knows it will happen etc etc.

AIBU in not wanting to try and wanting DH to accept the facts? In my mind there is no hope of natural conception at this stage and IVF is likely our only route

You still didn’t answer peoples question. Has your partner been tested?
How do you know it’s not him that has the problem?

Do you know what blood group you (and your DP) are? I’ve read various article suggesting that being type O can affect things.

I voted YABU as you’ve had tests which have come back normal.

I can only guess that either your DP has weak sperm and/or the egg is being fertilized but your body isn’t holding on to it so you’re having an early miscarriage.

Do you have regular periods?

They say if you’ve been trying for a year with no hope then to go see a doctor.
I think it’s worth you both getting tested as things may have changed with you.

Tbh i fertility is shit because it can be so random.

Some women find that they can’t get pregnant with one partner but have no issue with another (despite no obvious issue blablabla)
Some women have issue with both.
Some women need IVF then conceive naturally.
Some never manage even with IVF.

Until you’ve tried, you won’t know.

What isn’t ok Imo I’d the fact he is pushing hard being all optimistic when he has no experience with infertility whereas you’ve already have gone through 5 years if trying Wo sucess.
Tbh I feel he should be taking that into account and first ask YOU how you feel about trying for a baby and potentially struggling knowing that it had such a negative impact on your previous relationship.

I’d also ask yourself if you actually want to try again or if you wouod be doing it for him iyswim…

@ZebraInaTeapot It was a HSG. It hurt like buggery but did the trick thankfully! I'm struggling to conceive again and scheduled for a HyCoSy next month so hoping I'll be as lucky again 🤞

It may interest your DP to know that statistically you are most likely to get pregnant by NOT tracking and instead simply having sex every 2-3 days. This ensures there are always live sperm ready and waiting for an egg - so it doesn't matter when you ovulate. There is no benefit to having sex more regularly than every couple of days because sperm can live quite happily for that length of time (in the right sort of environment, which the female body is). Some sperm survive for up to seven days post ejaculation (again, in favourable conditions).

Did your check include looking at your tubes? Could be the issue there. I’d get to GP asap and explain you’ve been trying for more than two years. There’s no reason why you can’t get on the waiting list and try naturally at the same time. Good luck.

It sounds like your DP is maybe in a bit of denial that you are going to need fertility treatments. Unsurprising perhaps when all you hear about IVF is how stressful and expensive it is with poor success rates. (I don’t think this is actually true for everyone!)

Maybe he would be agreeable to starting the process whilst also tracking your cycle. Maybe the latter would help him accept that there is a fertility issue.

I privately funded a fertility assessment for myself recently inc Ultrasound scan of the uterus and bloods (inc AMH) and all came back normal, yet still no pregnancy in all these years, so I know something is not right.

Therefore you aren't infertile

just to flag I'm in my early 40s, already have a child but have been referred for investigations without asking following a number of mmc to rule everything out So 37 really shouldn't be too old.

Sorry got cut off mid flow

If your tests all came back "normal" than the odds are that you are not in fact

The odds are that most women will conceive within 2 years hence why many NHS trusts make you wait that long before proceeding to fertility treatment

If you were "only" trying 2 years then you were only at the upper limit of that time frame

I never did any 'tracking' - whatever that is? First step was blood tests to look at my FSH and LH levels - and sperm count for DH. Agree you should go straight to your Dr - 2 years is ample time to move to the next stage.

Turned out I was infertile so had DTs via donor eggs - there are lots of options these days whatever your issues, so I wish you lots of luck!

For a pp just because everything looks all right doesn't mean you're not infertile.
If she was fertile the OP would have gotten pregnant during years of unprotected sex. Your dp must be a bit dim if he thinks you have time to waste hoping at 36. Every month starts to count for you right now. You need to be on that waiting list if you can't afford to go private and have everything else checked that hasn't been checked already including your dp's sperm levels.

This was exactly my experience. What is your AMH exactly?
We ended up doing 4 rounds of IVF over 7 years. It's been pretty hellish. I suggest you do not leave it much longer before you start infertility options with your GP.

Dr Winston has done a lot of excellent work on fertility and identifying where issues may be. Get fully tested - many issues can affect fertility - work looking at his work - it’s Robert winston.
good luck op

You might only need a dose or two of clomid to kick start things. Might not be as complicated as full on IVF.

@GloriaDellores I'd insist your partner gets tested first. No point even thinking about putting yourself through the stress of tracking until he has. Then i'd book a chat with your GP together, And definitely definitely Read the book 'It Starts With The Egg' x

Tell him you can do both, can always cancel the appointment if you do get pregnant in the meantime (though you've been trying for years!).

A friend's parents got married in their 20s and tried for years to have a baby. Didn't work out, adopted a child and then suddenly in her 40s she got pregnant and ended up having 3 children in her 40s.

Your current partner might suspect he's infertile but doesn't want you to know (as you might leave) so he resisting.

Or he is a bit dim and doesn't understand how babies are made!

There is a difference between being sub-fertile and infertile. If you don't want children, use contraception. Don't be one of those women who get accidentally pregnant by some randomer because they think that it can't happen for them.

What is your age? I would get on the IVF waiting list asap, because there might be a cut off for age and the younger you do it the better chance for success. Also, you should get further investigations. I have known different people who could not have kids for years do investigations and were able to get pregnant after solving the issue. My friend could not get pregnant for two years....nothing. She was on track to do ivf, had investigations as well and they found she had a heart shaped uterous, which made it hard for the embryos to implant. So they doctor scrapped away some tissue to make it less heart shaped. Soon after the surgery (once healed) she got pregnant....so she ended up not needed ivf after all (she was just about to begin injections when she got pregnant). She went on to have 4 kids easily (last two twins!).....so after the scrape she gets pregnant straight away... Another two friends, same thing after a year of trying for one and two years for the other found out they had endometrisis (excuse my spelling). Once they sorted it, the older one now has 3 kids and the younger one has her first child (just a few months old now). Both happened once they sorted it out....although I know it can grow back, so if they get issues again they need to get check again. My SIL did not get pregnant for 8 years. She changed her diet to whole foods plant based....got pregnant one month later. She then went back to normal diet and only had the one child. But my point is...there are things you can try. Yes, there are some people who struggle and never get pregnant, but most of the time it is bc they have not solved their own mystery on why they can not get pregnant. IT is so diffuclt bc EVERYONE is different so you just need to investigate and try one thing after the other. Good luck.

I have unexplained infertility - all tests normal, have had a camera in the womb etc. Hormone levels normal and egg reserve is excellent. I’m 36. Have been TTC for 3 years - never a sniff of a pregnancy, 5 rounds of IVF. Doctors just say they don’t know what’s wrong and to keep trying. Easy to say when it’s IVF costing £5k a pop. We spent all our savings £30k and have a loan because of IVF costs.

Another one saying blocked tubes needs checking before ivf - I don’t know the procedure but friends called it ‘having their tubes flushed’. I do think you will need dates and results etc looking fairly precise to go to the gp, but you can probably pull a fair bit of that together already can’t you, and just add a month or two?

amazing some posters, suggesting the op go on contraception as you can’t be confident you’re infertile…. she is posting because she wants a baby!

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