DP won’t believe I’m infertile AIBU?

[GloriaDellores]

I’m 36, met DP 2 years ago following a divorce. Stopped taking contraception 5 years ago during marriage to exH, as we’d agreed to TTC. Following 2 years of DTD regularly, using OPKs, preseed etc, we had no luck and the marriage eventually broke down due to this. We got as far as exH’s sperm being tested and coming back as normal.

After the marriage I remained off of contraception as I felt much better in myself. DP and I have been having unprotected regular sex since we met (DP fully aware) yet nothing has happened in 2 years, unsurprisingly. I privately funded a fertility assessment for myself recently inc Ultrasound scan of the uterus and bloods (inc AMH) and all came back normal, yet still no pregnancy in all these years, so I know something is not right.

I’ve always had a feeling, like a knowing, deep down that I’m infertile and my lack of conception over the past few years has only further proven this. DP is very keen to have a baby (as am I) and really wants to start “trying” in the form of tracking cycles etc, all of which I’ve done in the past to no avail and only leads to disappointment and upset. DP won’t accept that I’m infertile and says we must try, we must have hope, he knows it will happen etc etc.

AIBU in not wanting to try and wanting DH to accept the facts? In my mind there is no hope of natural conception at this stage and IVF is likely our only route

I can see where your dp is coming from, I understand why he doesn’t believe you’re infertile - you’ve had many tests which have all come back clear, showing you’re not infertile.
I also understand why you feel/believe you’re infertile, after trying for 4 years and nothing happening, but if you really do want a baby then surely you’d go back to the GP for further consultation/investigation?

I wish you luck in whichever path you go down x

This may sound rediculous but bear with me. Sometimes you just haven't made a good fit.
I went three years on no contraception, no pregnancy not even a scare. That relationship ended for unrelated reasons.
New do had been married /divorced a couple partners never a hint of a pregnancy. He assumed it just wouldn't happen for him,
We met got together, got pregnant within 3months and had two children 14minths apart (also a miscarriage after this, he then went and got the snip)
Yes people get pregnant all the time at the drop of a hat and others with nothing wrong going on will struggle with no reason as to why. Others also then do have very definite fertility issues.
My suggestion would be to try the tracking and document everything for a few months because if you do choose to go down the IVF route that's part and parcel of the process so you'd be on a little of a head start? There's nothing wrong in having hope op and while I understand your frustrations you've literally nothing to lose by 'trying' via his ideas.
Relationship are all about give and take sometimes you make a compromise for your partner and if this is what it takes to reassure him then why not, if it works out that nothing happens you both can then get on the road to being checked out and figure out your options from there.
But again I can fully understand why you are feeling a bit defeated and frustrated by it all.

Maybe you can post where you are here? So those in the know can recommend a good fertility expert for you to see! This is this place to ask!

There is strong research evidence that shows a fertility bounce for three months after an HSG that was carried out with an oil based medium.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of NHS trusts use a water-based medium, as it’s marginally cheaper. The research evidence for a fertility bounce in this case is much less, unfortunately.

Just because you're on list for IVF & other fertility treatment doesn't mean you stop trying to conceive without those. It's the kind of care that's taking years to deliver nowadays, better to try to get into the system now for when you might need the treatment in 1-3 years time. That's what I'd tell him, this is insurance policy choice.

fwiw, mother of my nephew was often sexually active age 15+ but never used contraception (nor would she contemplate abortion; she's had substance abuse & MH problems, not always made sensible choices). She was convinced she was infertile until she conceived unexpectedly age 26. She had 3 more children after that, too, last one about age 41.

That isn’t necessarily the case. When my DH and I were investigated, they discovered nothing wrong with either of us in terms of fertility. But four years of trying got us nowhere.

Then when we went through IVF, the only cycle we had revealed that I had no eggs, just empty follicles. I was told that there was virtually no chance of me conceiving a healthy baby (1-5% with IVF), so we didn’t try again and eventually adopted.

So the fact that everything appears normal doesn’t mean that there isn’t a actually problem, so the OP might well be right in her concerns.

1. Google you local NHS IVF criteria - as previous poster mentioned, your age may already mean you don’t qualify. Or it might mean you need to get a referral quickly.
2. See your GP, they will refer you to local NHS fertility clinic (probably a long wait). They will be able to get a semen test for DP sooner though.
3. If you can afford it, get your tubes checked privately - it sounds like the one thing you haven’t done.
4. All this will take time, so might as well humour DP with some magical tracking…

Good luck!

I know two couples married over 15 years who tried in vain to have children, never got pregnant and had given up hope. Then it happened out of the blue.