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Original poster

Brother’s GF can’t stop lying

250 replies

Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 11:28

I have recently moved nearer to my family after being away for 20 years. I am getting to know my brothers GF of 6 years. She never stops lying. Examples:

  1. She is Catholic/Roma/Jewish/Protestant depending on the topic of conversation.
  1. She earns £10k a month, even though she gets housing support and constantly borrows money
  1. She was a top DJ/lawyer/chef -she actually worked in a call centre.
  1. She runs two employment unions, works 20 hours a day on her business and has a day job.

I don’t care so much about these inconsequential lies, although they stop the flow of conversation because no matter the topic she is an expert and has done everything. These lies don’t really impact me but her nonsensical promises stop any of us in the family having a conversation.

For example:

  1. We are having a Christening and were discussing cakes and she stops the conversation by saying that she was a professional baker and the cake will be a gift to us. She wasn’t, she didn’t. Luckily I suspected she wouldn’t so I got a back up cake.
  1. We needed a builder, she stops the conversation by saying that she runs the office for a team of builders and they will come to see me the next day, never happens.
  1. We are having a party, I discuss catering with my parents, she interrupts that she was a professional caterer and will do all the catering as a present to me.
  1. She has volunteered to paint our house, redo our decking, relay the patio, buy me a designer bag, give legal advice, cut hair.. the list is endless and it is all nonsense. I don’t want or need her to do anything for me but I literally cannot have a conversation with my family because of her, she is always around them.
I have discussed it with my brother and he said that she believes what she says when she says it. What can I do?
OP posts:
forrestgreen · 19/04/2022 11:32

Do you challenge her on any of it?
It's odd that your brother thinks she believes it, so it therefore not lying?

DogDaysNeverEnd · 19/04/2022 11:33

Not sure if it would help but can you put her on the spot a bit more then explain the consequences when she lets you down? Like agree a date and time, then follow up when it doesn't materialise? I doubt she will change though....

MushroomHunter · 19/04/2022 11:33

This is very odd. Why is your brother with this person? Surely your family discuss this when she isn’t around?

GoFishandChips · 19/04/2022 11:34

she believes what she says when she says it.

Well at least he doesn't believe her, I suppse! Do your parents believe her? I mean she sounds harmless as long as not believed, though bloody annoying. I'd be concerned if people do believe her especially with the borrowing of money. Do you never call her out? "Oh I thought you said you were Catholic?" Etc.

nomistake · 19/04/2022 11:34

Christ she sounds batshit. But yes, do you challenge her and pull her up on it?

IcedOatLatte · 19/04/2022 11:37

What do you say when she spouts nonsense, do the rest of the family not point out that they know she's talking rubbish?

I know all families are different but I find it strange that anyone would go along with this without comment or pointing out the obvious lies with all the previous occasions on which she's lied

Original poster
Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 11:41

We all nod and I say that it is not necessary for her to do/arrange these things. She doggedly insists, so I say ok and then change the subject. My parents are very frustrated by it but too polite to say anything.
I phoned her the morning the builders were due and she said that they were no longer able to come and never mentioned it again. I have not called her out on the rest of it because it is so embarrassing.

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 19/04/2022 11:44

Obviously a compulsive liar to make up bullshit on that scale. Treat it like a disorder and don't rely on her for anything I guess, I assume your brother doesn't.

IcedOatLatte · 19/04/2022 11:47

@Flymetothezoom

We all nod and I say that it is not necessary for her to do/arrange these things. She doggedly insists, so I say ok and then change the subject. My parents are very frustrated by it but too polite to say anything. I phoned her the morning the builders were due and she said that they were no longer able to come and never mentioned it again. I have not called her out on the rest of it because it is so embarrassing.
You must all be either saints or wet lettuces Grin

Why don't say "come off it Susan, you're talking nonsense, we all know you aren't going to do that just like you've never done any of the other things you said you would do" with a laugh and a pull the other one type of vibe

stuntbubbles · 19/04/2022 11:48

I would treat it as pure comedy value, and not believe a word of it. Whatever she offers, take her up on it in the moment but just go ahead with your own plans, as you did with the cake. If you’re in a conversation and need other potions, eg you want recommendations for catering and she’s offered, say “Great! I’ll get everyone else’s suggestions too, to help me make the decision”.

Eightiesfan · 19/04/2022 11:49

Definitely not normal, she’s a fantasist, her lies are not harmful, in fact it sounds like she has low self-esteem. Are your family all high -achieving or are seen as financially comfortable? This might be her misguided way of trying to fit in with your family.

BemoreDerek · 19/04/2022 11:49

She sounds like that Catherine Tate character who says 'I can do that' to everything! How do you not say 'well you said that about the cake/builders etc and that never happened' when she offers something new? She wouldn't last 5 minutes in my family, she'd get roundly taken the piss out of every time she did it Blush

Tothemoonandbackx · 19/04/2022 11:53

Well you definitely know you can never take her on her word on anything, but yeah, totally agree with pp's, just call her up on it. She must have a reason to be lying so much, can't hurt to find out why.

Original poster
Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 11:54

@Eightiesfan we are all financially and educationally better off than her but we have never brought this up and never would.

OP posts:
queenMab99 · 19/04/2022 11:55

From what you say, the problem is not the lies, which no one believes, but the fact that they prevent conversation or discussion. There isn't really a kind way to do this, you can only say something like 'Don't be silly sil!, you are talking nonsense again' at the time, unless you or your brother can have a quiet talk with her about having some sort of therapy or counselling.

Cocolapew · 19/04/2022 11:56

I work with someone like this, she was never challenged due to nobody wanting to embarrass her/ cause an atmosphere. Then she told a lie about me that could have got me in major trouble.
After that if she said she had done something I just said no you didn't and carried on talking over her, others started too and she stopped, at least around us

AmberGer · 19/04/2022 11:57

She sounds like she's a pathological liar.
I have many in my family, they're hard fucking work.

Maydaysoonenough · 19/04/2022 11:57

Why not openly laugh and look up at imaginary flying pigs?. Isn't any ruder than spouting such crap.

Original poster
Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 11:59

@Cocolapew didn’t that make it excruciatingly awkward?

OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 19/04/2022 12:00

@queenMab99

From what you say, the problem is not the lies, which no one believes, but the fact that they prevent conversation or discussion. There isn't really a kind way to do this, you can only say something like 'Don't be silly sil!, you are talking nonsense again' at the time, unless you or your brother can have a quiet talk with her about having some sort of therapy or counselling.
This. You need to challenge her so she can see that actually people can see right through her. You can guarantee she does this to others who may actually take her lies at face value as in the christening cake example. The longer she gets away with this the more she will do it.
Original poster
Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 12:01

@queenMab99

From what you say, the problem is not the lies, which no one believes, but the fact that they prevent conversation or discussion. There isn't really a kind way to do this, you can only say something like 'Don't be silly sil!, you are talking nonsense again' at the time, unless you or your brother can have a quiet talk with her about having some sort of therapy or counselling.
That is exactly the problem. We simply cannot sort anything out with the family or have conversations.
OP posts:
Thehop · 19/04/2022 12:02

Oh god this would drive me mad.

“Let’s not pretend that will happen, Jane, it’ll be just like the cake/builders/haircuts. Haha. Now then where were we?”

AryaStarkWolf · 19/04/2022 12:05

Jesus she sounds bonkers, how on earth can your brother live with someone like that?

frustrated354 · 19/04/2022 12:05

That would really annoy me! Does she always have to be there when you meet you parents? Talk to them away from her. When she does make suggestions say thanks and do what you were going to do anyway

AryaStarkWolf · 19/04/2022 12:06

@Thehop

Oh god this would drive me mad.

“Let’s not pretend that will happen, Jane, it’ll be just like the cake/builders/haircuts. Haha. Now then where were we?”

Yeah unfortunately you will have to start doing this. The time for politeness has passed. I mean do you even pull her up on it? Did you say anything to her about the lack of cake/builders etc?
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