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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should be different with your GC

150 replies

Loulou901 · 18/04/2022 21:24

My husbands parents don’t put much effort in at all with DC, however SIL made a comment that it will be a big thing when she has her kids…would you be more involved with your DD’s children than DS’s? As a mother of both I don’t think I would?

Have you noticed this with your DH’s parents?

OP posts:
IndigoHexagon · 18/04/2022 21:26

This is absolutely true of my in laws I’m afraid.

IstayedForTheFeminism · 18/04/2022 21:30

My ex in laws seemed to believe this. Ex MIL told me once get DDs children were 'real grandchildren' Hmm

My mum is equally close to my dc and my brothers DC.

Pootle40 · 18/04/2022 21:31

True for my in-laws. I have two boys so won't be able to compare if I am ever a grandparent

Pootle40 · 18/04/2022 21:32

Both my parents are dead so it makes it even sadder

Moochio · 18/04/2022 21:33

I think with the actual grandchildren their should be no difference in how they are treated. But absolutely mum is going to support a DD who has given birth more than a DS who hasn't had to carry a baby for 9 months.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/04/2022 21:34

MIL spends more time with my niece than my kids, but that's because she spends more time with my SIL than DH spends with her so it makes sense.

She appears to love them and treat them equally in all other aspects, babysits (days/overnights) if we request etc.

It doesn't bother me a bit that she spends more time with Niece than my two kids as its clear when they are together she adores them.

galacticpixels · 18/04/2022 21:34

It definitely does seem to be true in some families which is sad.

My brother was the first of us to have children and his children are the centre of the family and absolutely adored. I'm honestly not sure if mine or my sister's future children would be obsessed over as much haha.

MartinMartinMarti · 18/04/2022 21:35

Not true in my family. I’d have very little respect for people saying some on the things on this thread.

Goandplay · 18/04/2022 21:35

Yes. True here. My mil said to me before her dd had her children and I’d just had my first, it’s different when your daughter has a baby.

I’d like to think I would treat all my future grandchildren the same whatever child had them.

Original poster
Loulou901 · 18/04/2022 21:36

Yes, I would feel more comfortable helping our my DD once she had given birth As opposed to DIL but to treat the grandchildren differently? It makes no sense and infuriates me

OP posts:
Goandplay · 18/04/2022 21:37

Both my parents are dead as well which made it even worse that she said it to me, even if she thought it.

Chocolatecomaday · 18/04/2022 21:37

I had the first dgc. We got second hand items of which I was very grateful for.
When sil gave birth to God himself a year later they spent at least 1. 5k.
Sil's dc stayed at their home and caravan their entire childhood weekends. Mine never even had tea there..
I backed away and took dc with me.

LowlyTheWorm · 18/04/2022 21:39

You just end up with a stronger bond i think as a result of the bond with the mum- your daughter. I know of very few people who are closer to their dads parents than their mums- unless there is some story with the mums side like estrangement etc.

Original poster
Loulou901 · 18/04/2022 21:40

It’s the fact that my SIL made a point of it…really pissed me off

OP posts:
GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 18/04/2022 21:40

My DC are definitely much closer to my DM than to DH's parents, and his sister's children are much closer to their parents than ours are.

I think it happens a lot, tbh, and it makes me sad, as I have one of each.

Xmassprout · 18/04/2022 21:40

True for my in laws

Saz12 · 18/04/2022 21:41

It’s just families, though: all sorts of wierd misunderstandings from x years ago throwing up an odd dynamic at times.

One of my parents died when I was in my early 20’s, the other has been in a care home for the last 7 years, so neither are a typical grandparent to my DC’s. But it kind of makes sense that mothers are more likely to support their daughter before/after childbirth than MIL are. Odd comment from ur SIL though!

womaniswomaniswoman · 18/04/2022 21:41

My ILs will regularly travel 400 miles to stay with their daughter's child, but can only seem to make it the five miles to see ours a couple of times a year, if that.

The last time they saw my daughter was when they stopped in to give us a key to their house on the way to visit The Chosen Grandchild.

It's soured my relationship with them hugely. I'm cordial and polite but that's as far as it goes, and I refuse to put myself out for them.

kitcat15 · 18/04/2022 21:41

I see far more of my DDs girls than my sons DD ....doesn't mean I love her any less....I'm just more involved with DD...I do school drop offs, pick ups, take girls to activities, go on holiday with them....Whereas other GD has her other Granny who she also lives doing all these things for her....also she lives further away...I see DDs 5 times a week...I see DSs DD once a week and overnight every other week....its the way things turn out....no right or wrong

Original poster
Loulou901 · 18/04/2022 21:42

Yes I thought it was odd! Even though I am probably aware…I think it annoys me how little effort they put in and if all of a sudden they will do the complete opposite with SIL’s children I think it will really hurt me

OP posts:
Chocolatecomaday · 18/04/2022 21:44

Ime less stressful not having ils to consider into your lives. My dc never knew until much older they weren't worth much.

Original poster
Loulou901 · 18/04/2022 21:44

I struggle to have a good relationship with them because of it? Are you best off keeping your mouth shut in these situations because DH sure as hell won’t open his mouth haha!

OP posts:
Chocolatecakes · 18/04/2022 21:46

Unfortunately this is extremely true for my dc.

Original poster
Loulou901 · 18/04/2022 21:48

I can’t stand my MIL although DH doesn’t know, she is a Facebook grandparent and tells absolutely everybody how much she adores them on social media and literally does bugga all apart from on birthdays and special events! Ohhh this feels good haha

OP posts:
Ionlydomassiveones · 18/04/2022 21:49

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This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.