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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
Izzieloo · 17/04/2022 20:43

I think you sound lovely . Some people resent others doing well even if they have it all themselves .

Butchyrestingface · 17/04/2022 20:43

I probably have the most successful career. But my love life is a car crash (or an empty country Lane😂), and I have had some struggles with work and stress - which I have been pretty open about.

Wait until you meet Prince Charming. I suspect that's when the gloves will REALLY come off. Sad

oakleaffy · 17/04/2022 20:45

“Location,location,location”.
This is all that matters with house prices.
A matter of a few hundred metres can mean millions added on, in some areas.
( Different postcodes)
So a house half an hour’s drive away could easily be much “ More affordable “.

Mum downsized from a 5 bed house to a two up, two down, but the cottage was very expensive as it is in a desirable location, and are locally “Iconic” .
I used to love them as a child, never thought mum would end up living in one!

Yes, she could have bought a far cheaper house.. and a much bigger one, but location is what sets the price.
Yours is obviously in a desirable area.

Well done!

flipper97 · 17/04/2022 20:46

They don’t like you do they? Wankers. Dump them.

itsgettingweird · 17/04/2022 20:48

@Grapewrath

Your friends are cunt. New house, new friends
Just about sums it's up perfectly 🤣🤣

I'm so sorry your friends were so rude and unkind.

I think a lot of people are right though that it's the issue about people seeing the hometown as some kind of place to be.

We have an area of the town near me and even at the local school now if people attend who aren't 5th generation of that area they are frowned upon. I imagine they frown upon anyone in those generations who moved away too.

You moved because you wanted what you have. Please don't allow anyone to take that away from you. Find people who appreciate you for who you are.

KosherDill · 17/04/2022 20:49

Miserable, jealous bitches.

I'm glad your dream of living there came true. Be proud of yourself!

I'd love to see a snippet of the garden.

Moonface123 · 17/04/2022 20:50

OP l have found from personel experiance that some women don' t necessarily clap as hard for a single womens achievements.
You represent everything they're not, you' ve got something they haven' t.
Its no easy feat buying a house on your own, and being one hundred per cent responsible for the upkeep and maintenance, so bloody well done , you have a couple of tipples, you deserve them, and enjoy your beautiful home.

KosherDill · 17/04/2022 20:52

@SocksAndTheCity

They sound jealous to me. You say that a similar house in the town where they all live would be a lot cheaper, so they're probably hacked off that you live in a lovely house near a park in a city, and they are stuck in some provincial shithole with no amenities where nobody else wants to live.
And if they're like seemingly half of MN posters, they're putting up with some dire asshole because they can't make it alone, financially.

Be proud you did it yourself, OP!

Bettysnow · 17/04/2022 20:53

You should have threw them out onto the street! Seriously op find new friends and bin these morons!

TolkiensFallow · 17/04/2022 20:54

They aren’t nice people. I would give them a wide berth from now on. Treat this as a catalyst for focussing on positive friendships.

Lalliella · 17/04/2022 20:55

They’re nasty and jealous OP. Small town mentality. They’re jealous that you moved on and left them behind, and that you made it on your own. Congratulations you. Time for new friends I think.

JustPlainKnackered · 17/04/2022 20:55

@gardenhelpneeded

Do you think it’s because you’ve had the nerve to move away from your hometown and they’re all still there?
This
impossible · 17/04/2022 20:56

I think you should leave these friends behind. You are a different person from when you were were children together. You are now a successful, proactive adult choosing your own path. Of course, life is never perfect - you describe your love life as a car crash - but you have made your life work for you the best you can.

I'm not sure there is any advantage in keeping in touch with them. It's not unusual for friends to move apart as they grow into themselves. They may be jealous or feel undermined by your choices and / or you may show off a little to impress them. Either way, let them go and allow yourself to be happy in your beautiful house. Enjoy the good friends and colleagues you have.

I have learnt over time not to keep people in my life who make me unhappy unless I have no choice. You have a choice. Let these people go. You don't need their approval. You're doing great.

KosherDill · 17/04/2022 20:57

@Moonface123

OP l have found from personel experiance that some women don' t necessarily clap as hard for a single womens achievements. You represent everything they're not, you' ve got something they haven' t. Its no easy feat buying a house on your own, and being one hundred per cent responsible for the upkeep and maintenance, so bloody well done , you have a couple of tipples, you deserve them, and enjoy your beautiful home.
I've noticed the same, Moonface. They cling to their (usually misplaced) feelings of superiority.
Hankunamatata · 17/04/2022 20:59

Well they aren't very nice. You are in very different places and they obviously cant appreciate that a house 30mins nearer the city will be more expensive and less square footage for your money.

Dont let them take a shine off your new house

laalaaland · 17/04/2022 21:01

Congratulations on your new home. It sounds lovely.

The guests you invited are not your friends. As hard as it is, move on, distance yourself and don't invite the ungrateful bitches back.

frazzledasarock · 17/04/2022 21:03

When my best friend was looking at moving into a house after her flat I really really supported her, then when she needed help we all pitched in and helped her clean and decorate. I’ve always been more pleased for her successes than I’ve ever been for mine as I know how she’s put up with so much and earned every single bit of happiness that comes her way.

I never understand people like your ‘friends’ OP. Your success in no way diminishes their own successes.

Miserable jealous people are always comparing what they have with others and being upset how others are doing better than them.

SeedyBloomer · 17/04/2022 21:03

My honest thought is that they are doing it loudly so that you’ll hear because they deliberately want you to feel less happy and pleased with your home. The only reason anyone would want to do this is because your happiness makes them feel more aware of things in their own life they are unhappy with. Your success reminds them of something they failed at. Give it no more thought and never invite them again. Friends would never be so bitchy and nasty.

Progress2019 · 17/04/2022 21:04

Nasty nasty jealous bitches who can’t cope that you live somewhere nicer than their cheap town.

My dad grew up in a rented terraced house converted into flats in a part of London that was then a slum. He’s 80 now and the house has long been converted back into a house a house. Out of interest we had a look at the last time it was sold on Rightmove (obviously it was completely different to when he shared a bedroom with 5 brothers). The house last sold for £20Million! For an attached house😂

Your old school friends are nasty snobs, with nothing to be snobbish about. You sound lovely. Enjoy your new home every day, and concentrate on other friends. These are rubbish

Original poster
Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 21:06

@PerseverancePays

School friends can be a bit like family in that you don't really choose them because they were just there when you were growing up. If you were to meet these women in your forties, would you be friends with them? I would venture not. Maybe time to distance yourself from this toxic bunch of 'friends'. And, nothing wrong with being proud of your achievements. You are where you from your own hard work, not a team of two , just you. So, yes be proud. Well done you, congratulations on your fab house with a dressing room, generous garden and walking distance to work!
If I met them now I definitely wouldn’t be friends worth them. I should have ditched them during the teen years - the power balance was very much in their favour and I was probably a bit of a cling on.

This is actually my fourth house in the city - I have fighting my way up the property ladder. The other places were smaller - a flat and then a couple of smaller terraces. I got a big promotion a few years ago - saved like mad and just decided to go all out. I think they were shocked.

For years I was the sad loser friend and I put up with a lot. I think tonight I have decided enough is enough. They have an amazing ability to make me feel 15 again - just not good enough. And I am not that person anymore.

They used to make a big deal about the area I lived in in our home town - it was cheaper houses. I was convinced we were dirt poor! We had two cars, my parents owned the house and we went on holiday to America or France every year. And I honestly thought we were poor. I though eurocamping was for poor people like us😂😂.

OP posts:
RowanAlong · 17/04/2022 21:08

They’re sniffy about living in a city and want you to know it. Are they worth the bother? Enjoy your new home!

magicstar1 · 17/04/2022 21:13

Congrats on the new house OP.
My ex-best friend bought a house, married and had two children. I celebrated with her, helped with moving, decorating etc....over many years.
Then DH and I married. We bought our house a few years later and all our friends came over to help us move and see the house. She had a headache.....and finally came over 7 months later. She lives 10 minutes drive away.
She spent the evening saying things like “oh so THIS is your biggest bedroom...hmmm”, and basically being a bitch.
That was seven years ago and I’ve barely seen her since....just at a couple of funerals. She’ll always be petty and jealous and I don’t need it. In fact, out of a group of us, we’ve all given up on her for similar reasons.

WhenwillIlearntoadult · 17/04/2022 21:13

OP, I love looking at houses; yours sounds amazing. Well done on your achievement; it’s not easy buying by yourself.
Having read your posts, it seems to me that your so called friends keep you because you make them feel superior. Now you are doing well for yourself and they don’t like it.
Surround yourself with people who build you up and make you feel good.

Bytrgrewd · 17/04/2022 21:14

Congratulations on your new home. It sounds lovely and absolutely perfect for you Smile

Dunnoburt · 17/04/2022 21:14

It's called jealousy..... These people are not your friends...... Thank the Lord you live 30 min away from them and enjoy what your hard work has given you!

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