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Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
Spaghag · 17/04/2022 20:12

These aren't friends. Friends would find something, anything, positive to say. Like nice cushions or that bus stop right in front of your lounge window must be very convenient for getting to work.

Jealous twunts.

cumonilean · 17/04/2022 20:14

I think they are jealous. You invited them over, hosted them and they were utterly rude. You don't need these people in your life or to validate you. Please walk away and don't look back. Decline their invites, don't take part in the WhatsApp chat if they have one. Just ignore and enjoy your beautiful home with people who make you happy.

LoveSpringDaffs · 17/04/2022 20:16

@Mellowyellow222

I'm glad you've had the sense to take a step back from this group, take another! They're not very nice people. I can understand you not wanting to cut all contact, they've been in your life for most of it, but to be honest, they sound like they've been pretty nasty for most of it!!

The fact you've bought yourself a lovely house, in a brilliant area, close to town and work is definitely something to be proud of! Don't let anyone make you feel you have to hide your 'yay me' moments, not weird folk on here or 'friends'. True friends will be proud of you and pleased for you!!

I want to see photos of your house and feel pleased for you and I don't even know you!!

godmum56 · 17/04/2022 20:16

yabu to call them friends

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 17/04/2022 20:18

I think back to all the housewarmings and weddings and baby parties I have rocked up at with gifts and good wishes. This was mine - and they couldn’t bring themselves to be happy for me.

You have stepped outside of the role they have assigned for you, OP, how very dare you Grin

In all honesty, though, I find it fascinating how people respond when someone does this - up ends the usual status quo. For example, my aunt is a wonderful, kind, generous lady who did SO much for my mum (her sister) and my siblings (I don't live locally, but she would do regular childcare and so on for her local great-nieces and - nephews). When my aunt had surgery and NEEDED help (she is widowed) you'd think she'd have been run over by all of the offers of help and support that would surely have flowed from the rest of the family. Nada. We had to go (from 100 miles away!) and help her for the first week or so after discharge (which we were happy to do, but come on rest of family).

She doesn't do so much for the rest of the family anymore. But so interesting how they couldn't BEAR for her to be the recipient, instead of giver, of support for even a couple of weeks.

I suspect something similar has happened here.

PoshHorseyBird · 17/04/2022 20:18

Your home sounds lovely and you have every right to be proud of it. As for your "friends "...if that was me I'd just drop them. They sound vile. Life's too short to have toxic people in it.

Gherkingreen · 17/04/2022 20:19

I had someone who, twice, told me they think the home we have worked so hard to create, in a lovely area, and which we absolutely love, is too small and we should consider moving.
They haven't been invited round since.
Don't tolerate friends who can't be happy for you, and who don't support you.

howrudeforme · 17/04/2022 20:22

You live in a new town. Make some new and better friends there. Your old crowd sounds awful.

Americano75 · 17/04/2022 20:22

Please, please bin these horrible people off. They're not your friends, they are complete and utter total bastards.

liliainterfrutices · 17/04/2022 20:23

Your friends sound like bitches. You sound lovely.

dropthevipers · 17/04/2022 20:23

Oh dear-you committed the cardinal sin of not being the group loser. Still, you now know who gets binned from your life. The optional extra of keying the car remains as payback (personally I would be caving in the wind screen with a slegdehammer followed by a molotov cocktail at 3 in the morning-no one disses me without consequence)

CorsicaDreaming · 17/04/2022 20:23

@Mellowyellow222
Your old school friends don't sound nice or worth having around, to be honest.

It does not sound like they were nice people back then - and it doesn't sound like they have grown up much since.

I'd just drop them and concentrate on time with people who are genuinely nice people, like your Uni friend.

ExplodingElephants · 17/04/2022 20:24

Definitely jealous. The day my ex-friend did that to me, I slowly started to see her for what she was. Especially after I’d ‘oohed and awwed over her decidedly average new house.

Juniper68 · 17/04/2022 20:24

I'd block the lot of them. Hideous creatures. They're also bad mannered unlike your newer real friends.

Alightjacket · 17/04/2022 20:24

Ditch them. They're dickheads not friends!

Gonnagetgoing · 17/04/2022 20:24

It’s either you’re bragging and they don’t like it or they’re complete bitches and jealous of your success.

I don’t have friends like this though and if I did, I’d show them the door. Very rude.

TitaniasAss · 17/04/2022 20:26

No you're not, it's a shit way to behave. My friend moved recently and I don't particularly like her house but she loves it so I totally faked it. That might make me a fake cow but I love my friend and she's so happy there, I would never hurt her.

Eddielizzard · 17/04/2022 20:28

Well you've clearly broken the mould they stuck you in by buying a beautiful, expensive house. Thing is, people often look at themselves and don't see their accomplishments, they see what they don't have. They are probably envying your freedom, you're able to make decisions without consulting anyone, and you haven't moved back home. You're confident, successful, and everything you have you made yourself. Their comments sound like massive insecurity to me.

I would no longer continue the friendship as it's run it's course. They shouldn't make you feel crap. Make space in your life for friends who are genuinely happy for you.

oakleaffy · 17/04/2022 20:31

@Mellowyellow222
Well done on buying your first house!
My first reaction is that they were jealous in some way?

Maybe try and find new and more supportive friends.
Smile

billy1966 · 17/04/2022 20:33

OP,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud and thrilled with a new home.

I have never visited anyone just moved into a new home that wasn't excited and delighted.

That's part of buying a house.

Friends celebrate with you.

My good friend is absolutely in love with her new puppy. I am not an animal person, but I am thrilled for her because she is thrilled that she finally persuaded her husband.
The puppy is a white fur ball, so actually rather cute.

Real friends are pleased for you.
Flowers

Lovesgreen · 17/04/2022 20:34

I have a similiar situation with my childhood friends. I chose to move away from the village we lived in to a nearby city. I moved for the convenience for work and needing a fresh start away from a bad relationship. I've had many similar comments including "is my car safe to leave in your street!". I've had to choose to ignore their ignorance. I have great neighbours, it works for our family (20 years on now and settled here with DH) and just the fact that our children are gaining a far better education here (the schools in the village were very poor performance) and flourishing here is enough to know its the right place for us to be. Village living is not always the best place. I hated the gossip and everyone in each others business. Everytime I visit them and come home I breathe a sigh of relief to be out of it! You do you and what works for you

StrongCoffeAvalanche · 17/04/2022 20:37

These people are so full of shut their eyes are turning brown.

Oh OP please just write these people off and never go back. Having these people in your life will just make things shittier for you. Just cut them out, completely.

They sound jealous and thick as well. They clearly don't understand that the area will of course change the price of the house. You "got less" for your money because it's in a different area. They are jealous that you've made different choices to them. For god knows what reason they've taken this as an insult to their choices.

WinterDeWinter · 17/04/2022 20:39

Your adventurousness and ambition is a perceived slight, OP - you have done brilliantly to buy a house on your own in what sounds like a lovely city and they feel underpowered in comparison. They're arseholes is the long and short of it - onwards and upwards!

daviesbrownsmithgreen · 17/04/2022 20:40

It's jealousy and they are not your friends

PerseverancePays · 17/04/2022 20:42

School friends can be a bit like family in that you don't really choose them because they were just there when you were growing up. If you were to meet these women in your forties, would you be friends with them? I would venture not. Maybe time to distance yourself from this toxic bunch of 'friends'.
And, nothing wrong with being proud of your achievements. You are where you from your own hard work, not a team of two , just you. So, yes be proud. Well done you, congratulations on your fab house with a dressing room, generous garden and walking distance to work!