To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

Ah, just saw that you bought eggs for your nieces and nephews. Leaning towards thinking you are being mean spirited and making a deliberate point about them not being your kids now.

Maybe your husband got angry because he felt it was part of a pattern of you treating them as less than.

If this is at all the case, you really need to cut it out.

@DaffodilsandCoffee

I’d have got them if I’d know the step kids were coming over in time. How short notice are we talking? On the other hand, there was nothing stopping him buying or even checking with you in advance.

Tbf I tend to do the “wife work” admin stuff because I’m a SAHP and there’s other stuff he has to hold in his brain. A lot depends on how the division of labour is in your household.

The visit was casually dropped on me on Wednesday (Asda was delivered on Tuesday), and I had already done all my preparation by then, but according to DH I was expected to factor in a visit I didn't even know was happening

I did buy my three nieces eggs and a gift each, as my sister does the same for DS.

That makes it worse!

I did buy my three nieces eggs and a gift each, as my sister does the same for DS.

Unfuckingbelievable
Not sure why you would actually admit this?

@steff13

Presumably they got eggs at their mums house, where they were expected to be at Easter. Would it be more fair for them to get twice as many?

Well, they don't get to live with their dad full-time, so maybe a little extra chocolate is warranted.

Exactly this. My parents split when I was small, it’s literally one of the only positive things about your parents splitting getting things from both sides.

I wonder when Easter Eve boxes and Easter pyjamas will start to arrive.

Do you buy them a present at Christmas and on their birthdays?

You sound extremely petty and not very nice. Why on earth wouldn’t you want to buy eggs for your step children. If you can’t even do something nice for them, you shouldn’t have married a man with children. I say that as a step mother. I wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving my step children out in this way.

In my opinion YABU.
They are just kids and it’s not their fault plans have changed today. I would be panicking to try and get them so eggs before they arrived so they don’t feel left out. My DH just doesn’t think of these things, but I just naturally take on that role as I love the novelty of special occasions and making the children happy. I always buy a couple of £1 eggs too as back up incase relatives with DC pop over to drop off.
I buy Easter eggs for my DSC as I see them as part of my family. I will either give them early if they aren’t here over Easter or include them in the day if they are here.
Send your DH out to grab some bits from coop etc, they may even be reduced now.

Yabu if you considered your dns but not your dsc.

@AlternativePerspective

Not buying eggs for all the children is incredibly petty, and “getting Easter ready for ds”? Wtf?

This .

It’s a long road ahead OP if you can’t include your step children in family things.

I’m not sure what difference it makes that this visit was arranged last minute. Surely even if they weren’t due to come today there would have still been a plan to see them at some point around now, so Easter eggs would have been bought for them anyway?

If not, why not? Poor kids.

As the parent of a 6 year old and a 2 year old I’m just here to understand what “busy getting Easter ready for 3 yo” means.

Whether they were due a visit or not, it’s Easter and I’d have got eggs for all the children. Hopefully you’ll feel better knowing you’ve made your point to DH.

He should have asked. It's that simple. When it comes to things that are important to his children he needs to be checking that things are organised and not make assumptions.
It isn't on the OP to get them, it is on the father to organise, be that through his own volition or by asking OP to get them.
I'm a stepmum and bought DSD's as DP is very very short on money; he is paying all his debts in the next 6 months before we move in to a house together (don't worry vipers, we've been together 5 years now). He didn't need to ask, or think about it. As my children and dsd would all be here together for Easter they were treated the same. They all had the same amount of eggs. If DP had funded it she would have had less as that would have been all he could afford and I would have felt terrible that my children had more. Yes, over all she gets more as she has two families and mine only have one. But at least here she feels equal. My family also bought for DSD as they knew she would be here today in order that the children be treated the same in this house.
If I hadn't done this there is no way DP would have assumed I'd have bought for DSD even though I tell him that I will provide the extra bits to ensure she is treated the same. He would always check. He's disorganised as fuck, but even he would have checked before the day itself.
It is in no way on OP.

Whoever was buying the eggs should have bought them for all the kids, especially as you managed to buy for your neices aswell. However that dosnt mean it has to be you buying the eggs. Your DH should be helping and doing some of the tasks

So you got eggs for your Ds and nieces but didn’t think to get any for your dsc? Yeah I think yabu.

YABothBU

He shouldn't have assumed you'd sort everything for his kids.

However you do sound like you are put out by them being there. I'm not trying to paint you as the evil stepmother but the fact that you say "as per usual I've been cast as the evil stepmother" suggests this isn't isn't first conflict you have had in relation to his children.

As their aren’t any for sc then he should give his eggs or just nip to the garage and get one without grumbling. I think it’s very normal that both parents would give Easter eggs when they see the children.

But you’re partners, you were physically buying multiple Easter eggs and presents and you didn’t just pick one up for his children? That’s no effort for you, I do think it’s quite thoughtless. Do you not do anything for each other?

The visit was casually dropped on me on Wednesday

Omfg it gets worse. I assumed it was a last min visit and you didn't know til this morning/last night?!

You had PLENTY of time to make sure they weren't excluded.

Unbelievable.

@MolliciousIntent

I don't think you should have bought eggs for your DSCs, but I would have. If you were already buying eggs for one of the children in the family, it seems a bit petty/exclusionary to not buy the other children in the family eggs too. Obviously you'll get the usual answers of "not your kids, not your problem" but unless there's a huge drip feed coming about contentious parenting arrangements and ironclad finance separations, I'd think you were being a little mean spirited.

This. How much wife work is involved in buying three eggs when you were already buying one? It’s this kind of thing that gives us step parents such a bad reputation. It would never have occurred to me not to treat all our kids the same.

Whoever buys the eggs should get them for all the children. Things like this aren’t a parent vs step parent thing, they’re a family thing.
Or at least communicate with each other about it. You’re both as bad as each other really.
I bought my DSS an egg when I bought the others. It’s no skin off my nose, and it wouldn’t even occur to me that he’s not part of the family I’d buy eggs for.

Very petty and trying to make a point to your DH when it's the kids who ultimately miss out.

If you knew he had form for this sort of stunt I would have got 2 extra eggs in case he didn't bother then the kids would have got an egg and been none the wiser.

@froidIci

As the parent of a 6 year old and a 2 year old I’m just here to understand what “busy getting Easter ready for 3 yo” means.

Back in my day (I'm only 31), it involved my dad spending 5 mins hiding eggs under cushions or behind curtains or on bookshelves.

Not sure what more you need really.

@froidIci

As the parent of a 6 year old and a 2 year old I’m just here to understand what “busy getting Easter ready for 3 yo” means.

Well I have got Easter ready for our house by putting a few spring/Easter decorations/bunting up. I've set a trail up in the garden. I've planned a couple of Easter games like pin the tail on the rabbit and an Easter bingo game. I've also shopped for the food for a roast dinner. I also cleaned and tidied for dinner guests coming.