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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

1002 replies

eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 12:16

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? HmmAIBU

OP posts:
thenewduchessoflapland · 17/04/2022 12:32

Yes he should give the eggs his mum brought him to his kids.You DS shouldn't have to share.

LIZS · 17/04/2022 12:33

And your arrangements for ds seem ott, if you knew earlier the dsc were coming over it might have been nice to delay and include them.

Original poster
eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 12:33

@Selttan

All those asking why she didn't just buy some eggs for dsc at the same time as ds - why aren't you asking why the father didn't buy any eggs got his children???

I think it's fair enough he give up his own eggs in this scenario not your ds eggs.

Thank you, my point exactly!
OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 17/04/2022 12:33

It sounds like it was a last minute thing so you assumed their mother would get them eggs, you sorted things for your DS which was fair enough. If it was pre-arranged it would have been unreasonable to not buy them eggs too. I am gobsmacked at an adult thinking his 3yo should give up his chocolate but he should keep his (bought from his mother!). Tbh I can’t understand how a guy like that could have persuaded one woman to have kids with him let alone two.

Womencanlift · 17/04/2022 12:33

Definitely unreasonable. Don’t even get what “busy preparing for Easter” means. If it means you make a big thing of it then surely picking up two additional eggs at the time you were buying for your own child would be no hardship. Did you buy for other family members like nieces or nephews?

Even if you weren’t due to see the DSC today surely they would have been getting an egg anyway.

Does seem very petty but I think it’s more that them coming has spoiled your plans with your little bubble family. Sorry OP but they are family too

frazzledasarock · 17/04/2022 12:33

Yes it is very sad that they’ve got a shit dad who can’t be arsed to buy any of his children Easter eggs then refuses to share the ones his mum got him with his children.

It’s terribly sad that the older kids have been kicked out of their house on Easter and dumped on their crap dad without notice.

It’s always shit when parents who’ve split up point score on how much they can get away with not parenting their own children.

MzHz · 17/04/2022 12:34

There is NOTHING stopping the kids dad from, yannow, TALKING to his ex about Easter and agreeing what to get

There’s a huge difference between a toddler and older kids and they will get their own eggs at home.

Dad could have organised it, but he didn’t

Incidentally, what did he do last year?

FairyCakeWings · 17/04/2022 12:34

If you’re doing a whole hunt and gifts, even though it’s not your responsibility, it was a bit mean not to include his children in your thoughts for plans. I’d be really hurt if my DP had excluded my children that way.

Also, what’s wrong with your DPs mum giving him an egg? I got a little egg for my mum and she got one for me, and I’m older than your DH. I also got eggs for my adult children. Colleagues at work gave each other small eggs as a little token thing too. It’s not a problem.There’s no reason for you to be sneery about him getting an egg from his Mum, it just adds to you coming across as not very kind tbh.

Stuckinthemud88 · 17/04/2022 12:34

Supermarkets are open! I actually got a couple of extra this morning.

Or he gives his children his Easter eggs.

While you’re not being unreasonable as it’s unfair for you to take on the whole mental load, I do feel sad that neither of you bothered for these kids.

Womencanlift · 17/04/2022 12:34

@Strictly1

These threads always sadden me - where children are the ones who are hurt because parents are busy scoring points.
This 100%
Theforest · 17/04/2022 12:35

It's an odd situation to be in. Surely you get all the Easter eggs the family needs at the same time. Better deals for 4 for tenner or whatever.

What has you done in previous years?

Soubriquet · 17/04/2022 12:35

Christ he has his own eggs? Surely any decent father would say never mind, I’ll give them mine and get myself some in the sales if there are any left

shabbalabba · 17/04/2022 12:35

Yeah I'm not saying YABU but I cannot for the life of me understand why it DIDN'T cross your mind to get them one. I would understand it if you had no dc of your own...but you were standing there in the Easter egg section and they didn't cross your mind...that's a bit sad!

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 12:36

You are both being unreasonable I think.

He shouldn’t be expecting you to sort it, but equally when you were ‘busy preparing for Easter for your 3 year old’ (which presumably involves buying Easter eggs rather than acting out the stations of the cross) you could have ask him if the older kids needed eggs or if in doubt just got them.

At this point he can just head to spa, and it’s his job to do that. But you will have a nicer family life if you do include your SCs in family life by thinking about this stuff a bit.

Original poster
eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 12:36

@Womencanlift

Definitely unreasonable. Don’t even get what “busy preparing for Easter” means. If it means you make a big thing of it then surely picking up two additional eggs at the time you were buying for your own child would be no hardship. Did you buy for other family members like nieces or nephews?

Even if you weren’t due to see the DSC today surely they would have been getting an egg anyway.

Does seem very petty but I think it’s more that them coming has spoiled your plans with your little bubble family. Sorry OP but they are family too

I did buy my three nieces eggs and a gift each, as my sister does the same for DS.
OP posts:
Templeblossom · 17/04/2022 12:36

@Strictly1

These threads always sadden me - where children are the ones who are hurt because parents are busy scoring points.
Not as sad as a father who cant be arsed to parent his own children. He cant be bothered so its her fault Hmm
Furrbabymama87 · 17/04/2022 12:36

I couldn't have left kids out like that so I would have made sure they had some eggs while my own DC was getting theirs. Maybe it's up to their dad to buy them but it's not tit for tat, you live together.

Profanisaurasrex · 17/04/2022 12:36

Well, if I were buying Easter stuff then I would automatically but dsc eggs too.
If DH was buying Easter stuff then he would buy his dsc eggs too.

ALL the children should have been bought eggs by whichever adult was doing Easter shopping. Bit odd not to have discussed it a bit in advance.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 17/04/2022 12:36

If I knew that they were going to be there at Easter, then I would have bought eggs at the same time as buying ones for my children. But it sounds like you didn't know they were coming at that point - it's his children, it's his responsibility to make sure that he has provided everything they need.

steff13 · 17/04/2022 12:37

@Strictly1

These threads always sadden me - where children are the ones who are hurt because parents are busy scoring points.
Same. It makes me wonder why people bother trying to blend families.
livinthedream1995 · 17/04/2022 12:37

@MolliciousIntent

I don't think you should have bought eggs for your DSCs, but I would have. If you were already buying eggs for one of the children in the family, it seems a bit petty/exclusionary to not buy the other children in the family eggs too. Obviously you'll get the usual answers of "not your kids, not your problem" but unless there's a huge drip feed coming about contentious parenting arrangements and ironclad finance separations, I'd think you were being a little mean spirited.
This.
AnneShirleysNewDress · 17/04/2022 12:37

I have a DSD. I bought her egg along with eggs for my own DD's. We are a family.

sweepeep · 17/04/2022 12:37

I did buy my three nieces eggs and a gift each, as my sister does the same for DS.

Jesus h Christ that makes it even worse!! I take back what I said YABU

Toottooot · 17/04/2022 12:37

You go to all the bother of ‘preparing Easter’ for your child but you can’t even get your step kids anything? Pretty shitty.

TonkaTruckduck · 17/04/2022 12:37

It sounds like Easter is a big deal in your house and you've deliberately excluded your DSC. Whoever is doing / leading an event should at least consider all children in the family.
I can't imagine buying presents and eggs for my dc and not even considering dsc. I'm not suggesting it should be your work, but as you clearly enjoy it so much I'm just amazed you didn't consdier them in all this.

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