To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

@ThisMustBeMyDream

DH may have wrongly assumed that as she was buying eggs, she’d include DSC. Its interesting your idealistic take on it seeing that you’re a step mum. Hopefully most step mums have a shred of decency.

Brings back memories of when I was a kid and got excluded.

If I was preparing for Easter or any occasion I would make sure ALL children were included in that preparation. I'm assuming your DH didn't buy eggs for the DC you have together either. A little communication would not have gone amiss here.

He should of discussed and not assumed. You sound petty, however. What has happened every other year? Before and after the birth of your shared child? It being a last minute arrangement is by the by. You both knew you would be seeing them at some point.

Wow, this whole situation is just a low blow! @eggsbenedict82 from now on you need to be more mindful.

I'm sorry, Wednesday?! You count 4-5 days notice as "last minute"?

Entire weddings have been pulled off in less time and with less fuss.

It seems like not many agree but I think buying for your own and not your DSC wasn’t kind. My DH grew up in a house like this where his SM only did things for her bio child and it made him feel utterly rejected and second best. And yes, as an adult, he knows a lot of that is on his Dad but tbh he still thinks both of them should have treated children of their family equally…if you’re in a shop anyway why not just grab another two?

But I know that SM shouldn't do anything for her SC in mumsnet world

YABU. You've known since Wednesday and at no point thought to say to DH 'Oh, I didn't get them Easter eggs as I didn't know they were coming, you'd better pick some up when you're out'

I find it odd that you bought stuff for your own child AND your nieces and didn't think to grab a couple of eggs for your step-children, even if they weren't going to get them until next time you saw them.

As for MIL buying 43 year old DH Easter eggs, come back in 40 years and tell us if you're still buying your DS one

So your husband expected you to have purchased gifts for his children and didn’t even bother to check?

He assumed it was your role as the female?

You need to knock that nonsense on the head now. Communicate better - your went out and bought a load of stuff for Easter and your step children didn’t cross your mind? That’s hard to believe.

So in this instance he grows up, gives his eggs to his children and you talk about being a team and him not leaving you with all the wife work.

@Shitzngiggles

Sorry to hear that, this is what lazy parents and petty step parents fail to realise, the lasting effects of being excluded because you’re technically not blood.

It never ceases to amaze me that women are always told that they didn't make clear what they want on MN and they should have no rational expectations of other people.

But women are expected to be mind readers and anticipate the unstated needs of everyone or they're unreasonable and "petty."

“getting Easter ready for ds”? Wtf?

Some people go to church, organise egg hunts, bake cakes in animal form, decorate an Easter bonnet or basket, have a special Easter Sunday lunch and a mass of stuff that's culturally relevant to them.

@eggsbenedict82 Did you genuinely not think about the step kids not having eggs at your house, like it just didn’t enter your brain as you’d crossed eggs off your mental to do list, or did you consciously think “not my problem”?

If it’s the former fair enough, if it’s the latter I think it was mean not to at least tell your partner you’ve not currently got any eggs in for them. Yes, it’s on him as well, but regardless of whose responsibility it is it’s the kids who are made to feel unwanted.

HE had plenty of time to sort out eggs. He knew you'd done the order and that the plans had changed, but expected YOU to sort it out for him. Useless twat.

@ImInStealthMode

Not the point of the thread, but this is the second I've seen today stating that no shops are open. I don't know if it's a quirk of where we live but I've just been out to two small supermarkets that are open and busy. One even had the butcher and fishmonger counter open, that I wouldn't expect even on a normal Sunday.

(If anything I'd expect where we live to be more restrictive, the cinema isn't allowed to open on Good Friday and dancing is illegal that day too )

Floor space thing - both in the UK and where you are (which is where I also am). I’m not sure whether the two compulsory closing days for larger supermarkets thing applies as the government website hasn’t been updated to reflect the law change (shocker given it was two (?) years ago now) and I can’t be faffed to search for the exact regulations.

LOL at ‘enacting the stations of the cross’. OP, I totally agree your husband should be taking responsibility for his own kids, but (and I’m a step parent myself) I can’t help feeling sad at how little your step children seem to be considered a part of your family in your planning. It might just be that your posts aren’t giving a fair account of it all of course.

@Jellycatspyjamas

If I was doing for my kids I would have picked up some for step kids too.

Not quite.

If I was aware DSCs would be with us this weekend I would have bought them eggs when I bought some for my DCs.

But as I didn't know in enough time I couldn't. Their mum could have sent them with some eggs, as she was the one who seems to have changed the arrangements at short notice. Or their dad could have when he knew he would be having them this weekend.

But the one person who had no notice if, no input to the arrangements being changed? Nope!

@SpilltheTea

Agreed he’s a useless twat. Still doesn’t excuse OP.

Sorry I think you’re a bit unreasonable. Unless there is some massive backstory, then when you were out sorting the eggs for your own DC why did you not just ask your husband at that point? Surely you would see them over Easter even if this visit was late notice? Depends on your relationship I guess but I do all the shopping here so it would be strange/petty/exclusionary to order eggs for my own DC and not the step kids. Ok ultimately it’s his responsibility to check but the ones missing out here are the children, which is a real shame.

I have three dc's. One bio, two step - I adopted my Step-dc's for reasons. I buy all three eggs and get this, they get Christmas presents and birthday presents too. All three boys are with their Grandma right now probably getting more chocolate to last them a month

Why didnt it cross your mind to think of your SDC's? Or are you just spiteful? Did you just want a happy little bubble without the ones you didnt create? Newsflash: Our children didn't ask to be created. They also didnt ask to be ignored

You say you got your nieces a gift. So why didnt you get your SDC's a present?

@ImInStealthMode

YABU. You've known since Wednesday and at no point thought to say to DH 'Oh, I didn't get them Easter eggs as I didn't know they were coming, you'd better pick some up when you're out'

I find it odd that you bought stuff for your own child AND your nieces and didn't think to grab a couple of eggs for your step-children, even if they weren't going to get them until next time you saw them.

As for MIL buying 43 year old DH Easter eggs, come back in 40 years and tell us if you're still buying your DS one

This is crucial to me. Was it genuine forgetfulness or a conscious decision that she’s not going to think about it because they aren’t her kids, so it’s not her problem. Latter pretty unforgivable imo

Why had he not bought eggs for his children regardless of whether he was due to have them or not?

Sounds fun at your house @WorriedMum44 ! Can you invite me next year please?

Couldn't you both just have got some more eggs and done an egg hunt for all? DD is 3 and I did her and a little friend an egg hunt this morning. It didn't take long to set up, and I'm sure there is plenty of chocolate for everyone. I find it weird you had five days' notice but neither of you apparently discussed it?

So your MIL still buys him eggs ( plural) and it hasn't even crossed his mind to give them to his own children? 🤔 I would always pass on kids chocolate and sweets. He's nearly middle aged FFS!

@SamphirethePogoingStickerist

You expect the Mum to send them with Easter eggs to your house.

You still had time to get them some, to make up for the fact that they have a shit dad and it wouldn’t be unequal for the kids. Lovely step mum aren’t you.

I’m feeling quite guilty now that I just chucked some Creme Eggs into the garden and sent the kids out to find them! They are being seriously short changed on Easter.

The visit was casually dropped on me on Wednesday (Asda was delivered on Tuesday), and I had already done all my preparation by then, but according to DH I was expected to factor in a visit I didn't even know was happening
To be honest this changes my opinion.i assumed it was last minute, like you only found it today. You had 3 days to tweak your plans slightly so that the SC could join in with the fun you had planned for your 3 yo. Thats plenty of time.