AIBU for cutting all ties with my MIL who tried to punch me??

[Chasingclouds100]

Hi all, so after setting my mind in a spin over the last couple of weeks I have decided to see what everyone thinks - AIBU for cutting all ties with my MIL who tried to punch me??
I have being with my OH for nearly 20 years and my MIL has never liked me - not because I am a horrible person or anything just simply because I fell in love with her son and he fell in love with me. We have 2 children together and are very happy.
For nearly 20 years I have put up with her criticising me about literally everything - really nasty comments about my looks and personality, my parenting and how useless I am. She has called me fat many times and said that I look disgusting and have a horrible personality. When I had my babies she told me I was sexually abusing my children for breastfeeding them and referred to me as ‘Daisy the cow’ when breast feeding. She has recently told my children that I am fat and I shouldn’t eat biscuits (I am a size 10) and that they don’t need me anymore now that they are older (they are aged 9 and 11) Over the last couple of months she has had screaming episodes with myself and my husband - swearing and shouting at us in front of the children for literally no reason and when I have told her to calm down and stop shouting in front of the children she said that she can do what she wants and don’t care if they are upset. These are just a few examples to show how truly awful she is.
A couple of weeks ago I overheard my MIL slagging me off to my husband in the next room saying what a horrible person I am and saying a pack of lies to him. I walked in to them and said “what the hell? Why are you saying such things about me to my husband??!!” She then got up out of her chair, charged at me and tried to thump me numerous times, my husband shielded me with his body and ended up getting punched and scratched by her. I ran upstairs and she chased after me, still trying to punch me - screaming, shouting, swearing and yelling loads of lies about me in front of the children. I walked out with my husband and children and vowed that me and the children would never see her ever again.
I have done everything for this woman for nearly 20 years now - shopping, sorting out her bills, taking her places, taking her to appointments, even massaging her feet and I always vowed that I would care for her in her old age as she is terrified of going into a nursing home or such like. I have no idea why she hates me so much when I have done so much for her - my only crime is falling in love with her Son.
My husband, two weeks on from our falling out is saying that I should make up with her and that she should be allowed to see the children but I think she is a danger to herself and other people and I don’t want myself or the children anywhere near her - AIBU??
Thank you in advance

Chasingclouds100 it sounds like you're dealing with this the right way. There tends to be a dynamic on AIBU where people pick on the OP but I really don't think it's merited in your case.

You've done your best to deal with a difficult parent(-in-law), they have finally definitely overstepped the mark, and you're cutting them off. It's always easy to look back and say "maybe I should have done X ages ago", but the main thing is that you're drawing a firm line now.

The people rushing to criticise you for your behaviour appear to have a lot of baggage of their own, which they are trying to push onto you to make themslves feel less terrible. Amusingly (or not) this seems rather similar to the behaviour of your MIL. I doubt that they are capable of sufficient self-insight to take that observation on board, but there we are.

Arkestra - thank you so much for the message! I really wish I hadn’t posted anything as some of the comments about me have been quite brutal! My first post too and I don’t think I will be posting again! Thank you for explaining about AIBU dynamics and wow you are completely right - OP’s have definitely been behaving like my MIL - how did I not see that?!

You're in the right. However I would be concerned about MIL. While she's always had issues apparently, this sounds like a drastic change.

This can be a sign of major medical problems. Especially of dementia, brain tumor, and/or other diseases of/effecting the brain. People don't change that suddenly without reason.

I would be pushing to get her checked out. Till she does or recognizes she was wrong, absolutely keep children and yourself away.

I don’t really see why you put up with 20 years of this woman’s rudeness towards you; and did things for her. Sounds like you should have decided to not see her a long long time ago. I do think you’ve been a bit of a pushover for all this time tbh; and not drawn any boundaries. Your husband needs to fully support you now

So when she has behaved in these horrendous ways have you at a later date had a calm and gentle talk with your DCs, explained DMIL has mental health problems or similar, you are sorry they saw it, if they are still worried they can talk to you and DF about it.
Or have you left them to stew.
I saw some unpleasant and, to a child, frightening things due to alcoholism in the family - they are still firmly in my mind. 50 years on. No one talked about it ever making it a sort of guilty family secret. I was I now realise quite traumatised.
The DCs should not be seeing this imv.

It all sounds a bit like Trafford Tanzi. She got out all her frustrations by wrestling her husband, father... I think you should do this, either for real or maybe just imagining it, with your mother-in-law.

If you videoed it for Facebook or contacted Jeremy Kyle, you might even make some cash and get into the Daily Mail.

Has your MIL got dementia or some other mental illness to explain her actions? If not, then completely cut her out of your life. Your husband needs to take your side on that.

Your children have spent enough time with your toxic MIL to cause them damage. Save them from it.
She needs help, your OH should get her to see a doctor she may need help.

ZOMBIE THREAD

🙄🙄

Nice people don't advocate that a violent deranged grandmother should still see her grandchildren. That's not niceness. That's weakness and stupidity.

@Chasingclouds100 seeing as this thread was resurrected - do you have an update? Have you had any contact with MiL? Hope you've been ok!