To think I just wouldn’t fit in at NCT classes?

[Tulipsanddaffs06]

First time mum, 24 weeks pregnant. I feel a little lonely tbh as none of my friends are pregnant and I’d like to meet some other pregnant women due around the same time as me is poss.

Thing is, I don’t want to breastfeed (please can we not make that the main focus of this post!) due to the shape of my uterus it’s also looking like I might have to have a c-section too.

So I’m not really sure what DH and I would really get out of NCT classes other than meeting parents to be at a similar stage?

I’m worried I’ll be judged massively for not breastfeeding, I’ve heard they can be a bit cult like in how they push breast feeding.

Has anyone been to NCT classes and knew they weren’t going to breast feed? Did you get an okay reception or no?

I didn't do not classes but joined an NCT group after I moved into a new area. I was considered the weird breast feeding one - the rest were happily formula feeding for a vast variety of reasons and none. It was an easy way to meet other people locally with similarly aged kids. Over time I drifted into other friendships through random happenstance and saw less of that group.

I don’t think you’ll have to tell anyone that you don’t plan to breastfeed - they don’t make you take an oath or anything!

I planned to breastfeed but it didn't work out so just say that and add that baby is tongue tied - it's a thing

Tbf you're probably right. From what I hear it's all hardcore breastfeeders and natural birthers. Those thay don't adhere to those rules are generally shunned.

I did NCT and of the 6 women in the group there were 3 c-sections and 2 who didn’t breastfeed.

The course content does lean more towards vaginal births and breastfeeding but to be honest I did it to meet people who were having babies at the same time as me and the course content was a bit irrelevant

(NCT classes are expensive and of course you can end up with people you don’t like but I am still mates with mine 10 years on)

In our NCT class we had one lady that planned not to breastfeed and one who had a planned C-section. We absolutely did not judge the bottle feeding couple because we are reasonable educated women although I guess it depends what type of people you get. The class leader didn't push it either, although there was a two hour breastfeeding focussed class it talked a lot about infant feeding too, bottles etc. In fact I think I'm the only one still exclusively breastfeeding 10 months in (alongside weaning of course)

A lot of the course was about birth and birth choices and therefore I think it was sadly a bit irrelevant for the planned c section lady.

However if you're feeling alone and have no friends with kids then I absolutely recommend it. We are still in touch almost every day and I meet up with a couple of them regularly. It's great to have a group going through the same as you that you can call on

I met a great bunch of women at NCT, some breastfed and some didn't. We are still all in touch many years later, it was a great support in those early, pre-school years and we had weekly meet ups taking turns to host. Id honestly recommend you give it a try..

Kindly, YABU

Lots of people choose to bottle feed, as long as baby is cared for and fed, that’s what matters. Equally having a c-section is perfectly valid, whether for medical reasons or by choice.

I hope you’re able to meet some other non-judgey parents. If you do come across the judgey ones, try not to let it get to you, it says more about them than it does about you.

I've just finished a NCT course and I wouldn't have bothered if I'd known what I know now. And that's nothing to do with the fact I'm having a c-section and not breastfeeding! There's a lot of 'how does everybody feel' type chat which I found tedious - I was looking for more guidance and instruction than counselling!

I knew most of the information already just from reading the bloody Internet /following the likes of 'midwife Marley' type accounts and reading the hypnobirthing books.

I was genuinely surprised at how little others knew.

I went primarily to make friends as most of mine already have kids but it was clear from the off, that the group were not my people and I wouldn't be taking any of them along as long term friends, which was disappointing as lots of my friends who have had babies in years gone by still have their NCT friends. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’d definitely give it a go! I found it an absolute godsend. You don’t have to love them. The early days are so lonely and when it’s too soon for groups it’s lovely to be part of a WhatsApp chat.

It depends on your group. Mine were resllt nice.

My best friend from NCT had no intention of BFing. She contemplated skipping that class, but in the end went and let it wash over her. Only half of my group breast fed. No one cares ultimately.

I think it may depend on the person running your particular course, like you I’d heard stories of it potentially being judgemental and very geared towards ‘natural’ birth. My experience was the opposite, all modes of delivery covered, even did a mock up of what theatre would look like and who would be present during c section. There was a breastfeeding session but was informative rather than pressurised and I think bottle feeding was covered to some extent too.
Maybe email nct with your concerns?
It was a good way to meet other new parents.

I just went to the classes to meet friends. The class content was pretty pro breastfeeding / minimal intervention birth etc but the people weren’t necessarily. We had a mix of bf and forumula feeders.

Nobody cared in my NCT group - certainly not about birth. I couldn’t remotely tell you 2 years on who had a vaginal birth and who had an abdominal birth. There was a bit of interest in other people’s feeding journeys but nobody cared or judged either way. By a country mile, sleep (or lack of!) dominated the early days conversation.

We didn't do NCT, but did a similar private antenatal group. Out of the 9 of us in the group 2 knew they wouldn't breastfeed, some only breastfed and some combi fed. I think 1 had a c section, 1 had a water birth and the rest were a mix of vaginal with no intervention & vaginal with intervention.

Our kids are now just over 2 and we have a WhatsApp group where you can literally ask anything and someone will know the answer or have something helpful to say. We also have catch ups with and without the kids.

You might find that you go to a group and you don't click with anyone but you might also find that someone couldn't breast feed and you could offer advice on formula? I wouldn't necessarily rule it out

@Babyccino11

I think it may depend on the person running your particular course, like you I’d heard stories of it potentially being judgemental and very geared towards ‘natural’ birth. My experience was the opposite, all modes of delivery covered, even did a mock up of what theatre would look like and who would be present during c section. There was a breastfeeding session but was informative rather than pressurised and I think bottle feeding was covered to some extent too. Maybe email nct with your concerns? It was a good way to meet other new parents.

This was my experience too

We had 3 c-sections in my group and a mix of breastfed and bottle fed. I couldn't tell you who fed each way because noone was bothered either way.

We are still friends 5 years later so it worked out for me. It was nice to have the support in the newborn phase.

When I went to NCT I was quite vocal (probably defensive) about not wanting to breastfeed, but no one batted an eyelid. I really don't think people care, and if they do, they're not the ones you want to be friends with. As it happens I ended up breast feeding but that's irrelevant. Any choice you make is right for you, don't ruin the pregnancy for yourself by caring what others think ,if you want to go then go, what do you have to lose?

I did NCT twice (antenatal and then postnatal group with my second) and never really gelled with anyone, and I did breastfeed (but really don’t care how other people feed their babies!).

It’s just not for everyone anyway. It’s very inorganic and also very skewed towards people with a lot of money. I found a lot of the meet ups were in expensive cafes which I just couldn’t afford so I didn’t stay in touch with people for long.

If you want to, try it, but know that there are plenty of other ways to meet new parents in mum and baby groups, online meet ups, swimming, etc etc and don’t feel like you HAVE to do NCT if you don’t want to. I wish I hadn’t bothered!

There were five of us in my NCT class. Four of us had CS and four of us bottlefed. There was no judgement.

Don't let your birth or feeding choices put you off. Of course you might find that they're not your sort of people but you even if you only hit it off with one of them you're winning.

You are going to hear about the benefits of breastfeeding, but you'll get that from midwives, GP too.

You can just say you plan to breastfeed if you feel uncomfortable with saying you're going to bottle feed and don't want to discuss your reasons not to, then say it didn't work out for you afterwards.

I’ve elected not to do NCT because I’m almost certainly having a c-section and don’t need to be educated for 6 hours on how natural birth with no interventions is the best way to give birth. I’ve been seeing a women’s physio every fortnight who knows our various issues and she cocked one eyebrow and said “I’m not sure you’ll be able to keep a straight face in NCT”.

I’m still doing group antenatal classes but with an independent midwife in my area with a good reputation for a balanced approach.

I guess I depends on the NCT group leader - but we literally had one class specifically about breastfeeding, but otherwise it wasn't mentioned. You easily could have missed that class due to "work/family commitments" and no one would have noticed.

It is primarily though about prepping for / recognising / going through natural labour though. So if you plan on a c-section it might feel a little pointless. I think we only had one or two sessions that were more about newborns.

I ended up being induced/emergency c-section, so fairly pointless "class" I guess. But my DH and I became really close with another couple - are still very good friends - and our DC are best friends. So worth it to me.

I went knowing I was having a planned c section and it was absolutely fine. I did plan to breastfeed but it didn't work out and that was fine too. I think a lot depends on the instructor you get - our breastfeeding one was far more dogmatic than the general NCT one - but it was all useful and interesting information. I think it's good for the dads to hear about it all too.

To be honest, the giving birth and breastfeeding part is such a small part of having a child. The value of NCT is that shared experience and knowing you have people on WhatsApp at 4am whose child is at the same stage as yours. It's people to go to classes with, or meet up with in cafés. You might get unlucky and not get on with them, but equally you might make a friend for life. Splinter groups usually form by the time you're back at work and you can avoid the ones you don't like.

If you want to meet other expecting parents in your area you could try things like pregnancy yoga, or even an alternative antenatal class like Bump and Baby which is a bit less 'natural birth is the only way' than some NCTs can be.