To think I just wouldn’t fit in at NCT classes?

[Tulipsanddaffs06]

First time mum, 24 weeks pregnant. I feel a little lonely tbh as none of my friends are pregnant and I’d like to meet some other pregnant women due around the same time as me is poss.

Thing is, I don’t want to breastfeed (please can we not make that the main focus of this post!) due to the shape of my uterus it’s also looking like I might have to have a c-section too.

So I’m not really sure what DH and I would really get out of NCT classes other than meeting parents to be at a similar stage?

I’m worried I’ll be judged massively for not breastfeeding, I’ve heard they can be a bit cult like in how they push breast feeding.

Has anyone been to NCT classes and knew they weren’t going to breast feed? Did you get an okay reception or no?

Of the 8 in our NCT, 3 of us breastfeed exclusively, 3 combi fed and 2 formula fed. 3 (maybe even 4) had c sections. I didn’t fit in but for the opposite reason - everyone used a dummy but me and everyone went to the pub frequently to drink, which I wasn’t interested in. So I don’t buy into the NCT reputation as much. Just depends who you get really!

Our NCT class (midlands), 8 women - 4 c sections, 3 breast feeders (3 didn't want to and the other 2 tried but stopped). It was 2017 but I don't remember much BFing propaganda, and the women in the group were all sane and kind enough not to judge!!! 7 of us are still friends and meet up regularly, what's app super active. We are all so different and range in ages from 28 - 40, different careers and situations but their friendship and support has been invaluable. (I'm the 28 year old who, 5 years ago, had no friends about to become mums!!)

I did NCT with my first - planned CS due to tokophobia and absolute horror at the mere thought of breastfeeding (probably linked to said tokophobia and pre-natal depression). I emailed the area lead beforehand and the course leader alao checked in with me and was very respectful of my choice and feelings.
The other couples were all wonderful and completely normal. There were no judgements from them and to be honest, they too were in the NCT group mainly for maternity leave friends more than anything. We had another woman come to do the breastfeeding session. I had been assured she would cover bottle feeding but no, and she did not hide her desire to have nothing to do with me. However the other couples supported us and I did retain some knowledge from that old bat when I decided completely unexpectedly to breastfeed my second (DH taking too long to locate our formula on the postnatal ward!).

NCT is pure luck i think, depending very much on the local leaders and the other couples attending. If you can afford to give it a go, do, and tell the class leader your specific issues so they cover CSs income depth.

I was worried about the same things with regards to breast feeding..But couldn’t have got put with a nicer group (6 couples) and 5 years on still have a group that just us girls chat in. No one is judgy, we all had different births and some breastfed some didn’t… well aware though that it’s not always like that but the best part about nct that I found is the shared togetherness of going through something at the same time as eachother. It’s the texts in the middle of the night when you’re exhausted and the baby isn’t sleeping or messaging because you are worried about something and feeling relieved because it’s not just you or that someone has the answer to a question. It doesn’t have to be just nct thar you can find those kinds of friendships though..,there’s so many many different online apps like mush for example where you can find local parents to be and start chatting or the mum and baby groups so if you’re worried about nct that might be a different route to go down!

We did NCT and we didn't take any information from it, but the mum friendship were invaluable
It was always re assuring that at 2am I knew someone else was awake to text or talk to
I think 50% of us breast fed and the rest bottle fed, I don't think feeding was a huge issue that we focused on to be honest... more about how our bits felt like they would fall out 😂

For me, NCT was about "buying" friends who were at the same stage in life as me. The classes themselves are not great. And they do push breastfeeding. But I didn't join them to learn, I joined to meet people.

From my group of 8; 2 never wanted to breastfeed, 2 tried and couldn't, 1 breastfed for 6 weeks but only in private, 2 breastfed for 3 months and 1 breastfed for 2 years. It was a really varied bunch.

Our children are now 7 years old and I am still friends with most of the group and see them fairly regularly. We are all different people who parent differently but it doesn't matter.

Give it a go, and take the lessons with a pinch of salt and use the coffee breaks to get to know new people.

There will be some relevant bits. It's a fair few years ago for me now but from what I remember there was some -

What happens in labour and how partners can support you
What is likely to happen to your relationship and how to pre empt issues
Things like 'what makes a good parent', discussions
Feeding (mostly breastfeeding and the advice was actually shit)
A bit of baby care

Most of it is effectively paying for friends though however they are a certain demographic, in my area 30 was the youngest.

Pretty much everyone plans to breastfeed but I'd say people who carry on after a month or two are in a small minority

I attended a prenatal NCT classes. Most mums did not ebf. One definitely bottle fed from the start and another gave up very quickly as her baby had a tongue tie. I hadn’t decided whether or not to breastfeed beforehand but attending the classes encouraged me to give it a go. But it wasn’t pushy.

I chose to go pay for the additional breastfeeding class, which was held separately and a couple of women did not. This class was for women only rather than couples and it was also a nice way of not putting pressure on the women, who chose / needed to bottle feed.

As for c-section, I can’t even remember what sort of birth some of them had.

I meant to add, I would definitely give it a go op. I met a really supportive group of women. We mainly lost touch. But I am in regular touch with one of the mums over a decade later.

I didn't fit in. The rest of them were all dungaree-wearing knit-your-own-organic-yogurt types. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but not for me.

19 years ago I met my NCT group I had a C section and did not breastfeed and it made no difference to the friendships I made 😀

My NCT group are a bit of an odd group personality wise.

All had c sections combo planned and unplanned.

Half are breastfeeding, 2 of them had decided they wouldnt from the off the rest decided after birth. 2 more are combination feeding amd only one is EBF.

I'm not still in touch with any of my NCT group, as we didn't really gel, but there was talk of all types of birth and feeding in the course.

In the end 2/4 of us had c-sections, and 3/4 of us either never tried breastfeeding or gave it up by the time our first post-baby meetup came around. The instructor didn't particularly care!

I did NCT first time around and had a caesarean and didn’t BF - I did make some friends to hang about with on maternity leave which was my main goal, however if I could do it over again I’d probably save my money and instead would get out to playgroups and baby classes early on. I found I made much better friends second time around when I was on maternity leave with my youngest. We went to lots of local stay and play type groups in church hall and I found a lot of good friends there. I think it helped that they were local too (my NCT group were more spread out) and that turned into people to chat to on the school run, at the park and at our kids classes now they’re bigger.

We did bump and baby (nct was sold out by the time we went to register) and obviously I can't compare the two, but I found the feeding class very neutral. I was nervous as I'm also not planning on breastfeeding. But no one even asked what anyone was planning to do, and we covered both breast and formula. More time spent on breast but I guess that's because it's not that complex to make a bottle.

Same for the birth section, we did one class on what actually happens during labour, and then another class on pain relief, interventions and sections.

There was no skew one way or the other, information was presented very factually. We did it in March and babies from our group are just starting to arrive so I'm looking forward to mat leave and having a group of people ready and willing to hang out and support each other. So maybe have a look for a bump and baby/alternative provider course?

You don't want to make this thread about breast feeding, yet you make ignorant statements about it being cult like

OP you will be fine. I had a c section but still found the group useful. Yes I did breastfeed but in a group of eight only two of us did, the rest were formula fed. It didn't impact the experience and I still talk to the group four years later. Lovely actually as some of our families have extended since and it's been nice sharing experiences (some very different second time around).

I did NCT and had a planned c section. They go over stuff to do with that as well. I did feel comfortable enough to ask questions and most of group had emergency sections anyway. Not everyone breastfed either I dont think. I can't fully remember but we had a really nice group. We kind of disbanded except for 3 of us afterwards but I'm so glad we did it as we'd moved to London and didn't know anyone

I did antenatal classes with the decision already made to formula feed.

I didn’t do nct as in our area there is one called bump to baby which was renowned for forming good social groups (it’s always going to be luck of the draw who else is in your group but the leader was excellent and really encouraged the social bit)

I remember the feeding class so well. I had already said to the leader how worried I was to admit it and she reassured me that so long as I fed my baby it was a good choice. We had to go round the room and say what our plan was - when it got to me I said “please don’t kick me out of the WhatsApp group, it’s my plan to FF”
Everyone else tried bf with varying success but what stuck out in that session wasn’t that I was the only one who elected to ff, but that the lady opposite me said, without hesitation “why would you be worried about saying that? It’s your choice”. She genuinely couldn’t understand why I was worried about the social pressures and judgement because she just didn’t feel that way about how I chose to feed. I’d completely expected everyone to be completely horrified.

Nobody does it all the same - from feeding, to birth choices, to the actual raising of the kids - you’re going to have differences even with the most similar of mum mates so don’t let that put you off attending a group to make some friends. The friends bit is what most people really go for!

Could you see if there are other non nct versions that have a more balanced reputation? You could also check out the mum club - they run events up and down the country aimed at getting mums to meet and socialise. No guarantees that they will be due at the same time as you but most people that go have small babies (under one) and are looking for more / new mum friends!

My eldest is almost 17. Two of my closest friends now were from NCT. I keep in touch with others too but lots have lived away now. I can’t remember how many had c-sections or breastfed but there was a mix and nobody cared either way. If you get the right people the friendships are what makes it worthwhile

I did NCT and found it useful and made good friends. I didn't have any g friends with kids or pregnant, and having peoe experiencing the same thing as you during both pregnancy and post-partum was great. Being able to go on a group chat at 4am to ask a ridiculous question or moan and get a response was also nice.

I knew I was having a c-section on maternal request. The group leader was great and included a whole section about what to expect, especially in regard to huge number of people that are in the operating theatre which can be alarming if you don't know why! I certainly didn't feel there were particular sections of the sessions which were irrelevant to me because I was planning a c-section. It was still good to learn about early stages of labour etc as things don't always go to plan (my waters broke 2 days before section date)

I intended to breastfeed, but knew it could be difficult for me due to medication I was on. No one was pushy, and none of the group was into natural/free birth/no intervention stuff - all very down the earth ordinary people.

I know it's pot luck as to both the personality of the leader and the people in your group, but I wouldn't be put off purely because of your planned choices.

@chisanunian

I didn't fit in. The rest of them were all dungaree-wearing knit-your-own-organic-yogurt types. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but not for me.

I love this description 😂

I didn't find NCT massive pushed breastfeeding - and I went when I knew I had to have a c-section, I just sat out the bits of class that were about vaginal birth.

I had to do a weekend intensive course due to a commitment, so I didn't make any friends (also I'm rubbish at making friends) - we met up a few times but it didn't really help that we were quite spread out in where we lived and I was the only non-driver.

Give it a whirl, I’m still in touch with 3 of my group, great friends. All had diff birth experiences and two of us bf and two bottle fed. It’s not an issue, we are friends, there was never any judgement and the lady taking our classes was pragmatic about types of birth/feeding. I purely went to make friends and was glad I did. 11 years ago now!!

What did we get out of NCT classes with our first?? Absolutely nothing!! What a waste of money and time! DH promised me not to make him go through NCT classes again with our second

Lots had c sections on the NCT though, so if it works for you then great! They did all support each other after the births which may be useful for you!