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Original poster

To think I just wouldn’t fit in at NCT classes?

158 replies

Tulipsanddaffs06 · 15/04/2022 16:11

First time mum, 24 weeks pregnant. I feel a little lonely tbh as none of my friends are pregnant and I’d like to meet some other pregnant women due around the same time as me is poss.

Thing is, I don’t want to breastfeed (please can we not make that the main focus of this post!) due to the shape of my uterus it’s also looking like I might have to have a c-section too.

So I’m not really sure what DH and I would really get out of NCT classes other than meeting parents to be at a similar stage?

I’m worried I’ll be judged massively for not breastfeeding, I’ve heard they can be a bit cult like in how they push breast feeding.

Has anyone been to NCT classes and knew they weren’t going to breast feed? Did you get an okay reception or no?

OP posts:
MarieInternette · 15/04/2022 18:17

Don’t worry about NCT. In my experience, unless you’re the type of person to knit your own yoghurt these groups are dull as hell. There are lots of classes for babies (swimming, massage, sing a long type stuff) just do these until your baby is a bit more mobile and then go to local playgroup/mother and baby type stuff. You’ll meet a more varied group and as your baby will be that bit older & by then other mums are less fixated on breastfeeding and natural births and that kind of stuff.
Never let anyone make you feel inadequate on the type of birth you’ve had or how you chose to feed your baby. Just enjoy your baby.

Geezabreak82 · 15/04/2022 18:19

I did NCT ten years ago and found some of my current best friends. They are all funny, smart amazing women and have been a massive support through all the ups and downs of parenthood including the pandemic. I went into it thinking I didn't need new friends, but by the end of the last meeting I was desperate to keep in touch. The classes themselves are a bit full on, and they definitely push breastfeeding and a 'natural' birth. However, you can take it all with a pinch of salt and don't need to tell them that you don't plan to breastfeed. In fact, we often look back and laugh at what happened in those classes! I know others have been less lucky and haven't gotten on with the women in their group, but I've never regretted signing up.

Italiandreams · 15/04/2022 18:26

I made amazing friends at NCT classes, still friends several years on. Supported each other through lots. I bottle fed both of mine and had an induction with epidural from the beginning and c section for my birth. Others had planned sections etc. Really a friendly, non judgemental group. Guess it's all down to luck. Best thing I did in pregnancy though.

Neverreturntoathread · 15/04/2022 18:29

@Yerroblemom1923

Tbf you're probably right. From what I hear it's all hardcore breastfeeders and natural birthers. Those thay don't adhere to those rules are generally shunned.
This is such balls, I was natural birth and breastfeeding and the other 5 women in my nct group all had pain relief and did bottle feeding, they thought I was mad, I didn’t fit in at all.

OP it’s random, totally depends who happens to be having babies at same time as you in your area.

It will give you a social network in those first few confusing months. It probably won’t give you friends for life. Have a look at what’s on in your local area: if there are billions of baby toddler groups, baby sensory/signing classes etc then nct may be a waste of money, but if there isn’t much on, then nct friends can be a nice start to motherhood.

Technosaurus · 15/04/2022 18:29

Depends where you are really. Our nct was perfect for meeting people, there was no militant breastfeeding wing

"So I’m not really sure what DH and I would really get out of NCT classes other than meeting parents to be at a similar stage" was exactly why we went. So unless it's a financial issue I wouldn't be too worried about the breastfeeding side

Upupupintheair · 15/04/2022 18:30

I’m a formula feeding and c section (by choice) mum. NCT was good made some good friends. actually out of our group 50% had a c section and 90% are formula feeding…

HavfrueDenizKisi · 15/04/2022 18:39

The course itself is really a load of bollocks.

However you may make a good network of friends in a similar position. I am still in touch with most of my NCT group and my first baby is 14 years old! A few are very close friends. Obviously, like any group, you may have a bunch of people that you don't gel with. Or you may like them all.

Also I didn't feel my NCT leader pushed a vaginal delivery or breastfeeding standpoint- and it was about 50/50 with both those outcomes post all the births.

I'd try it to make if I were you for the social side!

isadoradancing123 · 15/04/2022 18:40

With the recent scandals in Morcambe , Staffordshire and especially Shrewsbury, surely the NCT Will have learned some lessons and tempered their dogmatic approach towards what they call natural birth. As regards breast feeding you do not have to justify or make any excuses as to why you are not doing it

vivkensington · 15/04/2022 18:41

NCT is very hit and miss as to whether you form close relationships with the other parents. I didn't but I did have people to chat to /have the occasional coffee with in first year. We didn't stay in touch longer term though. However I know parents who found close friendships who are still friends years later.

I really dislike most of the what they 'teach' and the way they do it. I found it a little preachy with not enough preparation for when things go wrong/ you aren't coping. They also essentially spent ages saying 'if it's hurting when you feed you are doing it wrong' which didn't help me at all when my son had tongue tie. It's also far too expensive.

If you are lonely and want a shot at meeting some people in the same position (and have the money to spare) give it a go and just accept it may not be everything you hope for. You may get lucky - in which case it will be invaluable.

AngelinaFibres · 15/04/2022 18:43

@Yerroblemom1923

Tbf you're probably right. From what I hear it's all hardcore breastfeeders and natural birthers. Those thay don't adhere to those rules are generally shunned.
I had a cesarean because my baby was breech and my pelvis was too small to deliver him. I had had hyperemesis throughout the pregnancy and weighed 7 stone the day after my son was born so I didnt produce any milk. He is 30 this year but I have never forgotten the NCT group leader phoning me and saying "Never mind you can do it properly next time". That was 1992. I very much hope things are better now. I felt like a failure for years.
Tiredalwaystired · 15/04/2022 18:51

@Yerroblemom1923

Tbf you're probably right. From what I hear it's all hardcore breastfeeders and natural birthers. Those thay don't adhere to those rules are generally shunned.
This sounds like you dont actually have any experience of an NCT class and have based this entirely on what you’ve read.

OP My class we’re lovely and the thing we all got out of it was the companionship through the first year - the classes themselves were incidental. No pressure on natural birth or breastfeeding from my group. But I also met heaps of new people through mum and baby groups (there are hundreds) so it isn’t vital for you if you’re not comfortable

Overthinker19 · 15/04/2022 18:54

I found all the women to be older than me and I was 29 when I attended.

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjj · 15/04/2022 19:02

@Tulipsanddaffs06

Argh, maybe I’ll give it a go then? I’m torn between wanting to ring up and voicing my concerns to the person running it so I can save myself time and money if they say ‘yeh it won’t be for you, sorry.’ Or whether to do like PP have suggested and basically lie and ‘pretend’ I intend on BFing. I don’t know if I’d be happy with that though as tbh, like people have said, I wouldn’t want to be friends with judgy people who base who they’re going to be ‘friendly’ with on how those people plan to feed their babies Confused

It’s just hard as most of my friends either don’t have children or have older children 4/5 years old so they’re back at work now. I’m just conscious that when I have the baby, I may be a bit isolated if I don’t make the effort to try and meet people having babies at a similar time to me and I honestly don’t know how you go about doing that really other than an NCT class?

@Porridgeislife, that sounds fab, if I could find something similar in my area I’d definitely be tempted by that rather than an NCT.

I feel like you're making way too big a thing out of it. They won't care whether you intend to BF or not! It's just normal people like you and me going to these groups, not some kind of judging panel, everyone has their own issues and questions and quirks, it really won't matter.
jytdtysrht · 15/04/2022 19:05

One of the women in my group FF from birth. Nobody was bothered.

Derbee · 15/04/2022 19:12

We are so grateful that we did our NCT a course. We’ve met nice people, and we’ve all had different births etc but the point is, we’re all going through the same sort of thing struggling with having new babies.

The way you’re judging people who do NCT courses as guaranteed to be judging you, is a little ironic. Why not do the course, make friends with whoever you get on with, and allow yourself to become educated enough on all these topics that you can make your own decisions about what works for you, and feel confident in the choices you make?

HarrietM87 · 15/04/2022 19:15

I only did it to make friends and it was brilliant - our group ended up really close. We met up once a week during mat leave, chatted loads over WhatsApp and still talk a lot now the kids are 4. The course is basically irrelevant though it did cover c sections and bottle feeding (which obvs are often not a choice!).

I also made friends at other baby groups so it’s definitely not the be all and end all, and like any group it’s just luck whether you will get on. But imo it’s worth a go because it was really handy having a group of local people whose babies are at exactly the same stage as yours to ask questions to in the early days.

YukoandHiro · 15/04/2022 19:15

I didn't have the best experience. I joined it for friends and found I didn't connect with the group at all. I had a high risk pregnancy so found the sessions on avoiding interventions in birth v difficult as I knew I'd have a lot.
Think I might have got more out of another kind of antenatal class.

justasmalltownmum · 15/04/2022 19:16

I learnt so much more in my classes. Relaxation and breathing techniques, what to do if xyZ happens, etc

Foxglovers · 15/04/2022 19:16

You could try another type of antenatal group in your area? Lots of focus on preparing for birth - even hypnobirthing is all about getting in the right headspace and being able to ask questions when needed etc. I would suggest a group like that?

queenMab99 · 15/04/2022 19:19

When I was of child bearing age, NCT classes were too expensive for me, and the NHS or local authority did midwife/health visitor run prenatal classes which I attended very briefly, or not at all for the second child because both my children were premature. I suppose the all funding for that sort of thing is long goneHmm

ricketybeauty · 15/04/2022 19:21

@Tulipsanddaffs06 Have you got a bump and baby club chapter in your area? I did that and it was a bit less “NCT” than the NCT classes (or so I understand).

I thought it would be naff but I’m still in touch with most of mine just on WhatsApp but it’s nice to have connections!

Stylishkidintheriot · 15/04/2022 19:21

I didn’t breastfeed either. At an NCT weaning class I did notice a few “looks” when I brought out the bottle to bottle feed DS: I just gave them a cheery smile and got on with it. Like fuck was I going to explain myself

StarlingsInTheRoof · 15/04/2022 19:21

I did an antenatal class, but not run by nct. The main benefit was having a group of people as clueless as me and available for coffee in the first few months. We haven't all stayed friends since but I do meet up with one of them regularly. I didn't like that the not had no clear pricing structure online and seemingly a lot of classes to pay for. Might have changed by now.

Stylishkidintheriot · 15/04/2022 19:23

But, I can tell you that I did make lots of friends on mat leave: and 6 years later I’m close friends with some of them.

I went to any and every bloody class and group for babies: baby sensory, baby massage, bookbug, baby sing and sign, local toddler group, messy play. And anytime I clicked with someone I would ask suggest meeting for coffee.

OfstedOffred · 15/04/2022 19:25

My NCT group were mainly formula feeders who were quite funny about me bf. Most of them never planned to bf.

The classes were very balanced, positive about the benefits of bf but honest that it was hard, clear that any bf you managed was a good thing but that obviously fed is best.

One mum in my group asked why the week on feeding didnt talk much about formula. The class teacher pointed out that literacy levels in the UK are high, the instructions to make bottles are clear on the packet, and that there wasnt much more to say about it.