To think I just wouldn’t fit in at NCT classes?

[Tulipsanddaffs06]

First time mum, 24 weeks pregnant. I feel a little lonely tbh as none of my friends are pregnant and I’d like to meet some other pregnant women due around the same time as me is poss.

Thing is, I don’t want to breastfeed (please can we not make that the main focus of this post!) due to the shape of my uterus it’s also looking like I might have to have a c-section too.

So I’m not really sure what DH and I would really get out of NCT classes other than meeting parents to be at a similar stage?

I’m worried I’ll be judged massively for not breastfeeding, I’ve heard they can be a bit cult like in how they push breast feeding.

Has anyone been to NCT classes and knew they weren’t going to breast feed? Did you get an okay reception or no?

What about a pregnancy yoga class instead or pregnancy aqua fit?

We had a mix in our NCT group. Some did formula, some had C sections, and some breastfed. I am the only one still breastfeeding at 20 months and believe those who were bf stopped around 6 months or so.
We had advice on both bottle and breast, admittedly more on breast but I think that's because breast can be trickier for a lot of women whereas bottle is a technique to get and then done? (Correct me if I am wrong!)

Depends where you live. If it’s a nice middle class area then I’d strongly recommend.

How are you planning to make friends with same aged babies otherwise? I’d say NCT is invaluable and the NCT groups are very cliquey so without those established friends from your particular NCT group you’ll be at risk of being rather isolated on maternity leave.

I really don't believe people are so judgemental about birth/feeding choices in real life. My NCT group is varied. Half formala feed, half breastfeed, and half of us ended up with emergency c-sections whereas the only planned c-section ended up a natural birth! No one judges, no one cares, we all share our stories and that's that. I have made other friends on mat leave from classes etc but I found my NCT group invaluable, both for meeting up but also those middle of the night WhatsApp messages when you're all up feeding the baby or whatever. I almost backed out of the classes but I'm so glad I didn't.

In terms of content, yes there is a breastfeeding session but there's no judgment if you don't intend to breastfeed. And they do take you through what to expect during a csection and recovery. The fact is that the majority of people do plan a vaginal birth so of course more of the course will focus on that, but that doesn't mean they are shunning people who have csections.

Depends where you live. If it's a nice middle class area then I'd strongly recommend

What if it's a horrible middle class area?

What if it’s a nice working class area???!!

I did NCT, out of our group of 8 there were 5 mums who breastfed and 3 that didn’t. No-one ever judged at all. We all became good friends and how people feed their baby just wasn’t an issue at all.

As part of the course I think we only had 1 session on breastfeeding.

I would definitely give it a go. I made friends I could hang out with during my maternity leave and it got me out of the house.

I went to NCT classes and announced at the first one that I didn't plan to breastfeed. There was a bit of a tumbleweed moment and the NCT teacher was visibly taken aback, but said that she respected my decision (am almost sure she didn't!). One of the other mums to be treated me a bit like a pariah from thereon in, but she was pretty unpleasant in general. There was a Saturday session dedicated to breastfeeding, so I didn't go to that one, but went to all other classes.

It was a good way to meet other people, but I didn't find the classes very helpful. It was way too airy fairy and rose-tinted. Tales of oxytocin telling our bodies to relax and advice to take in whale music and fairy lights! They skipped over C-sections in about 5 minutes and I don't think the classes fully prepared us for what lay ahead!

However, it was nice to meet other expectant parents (apart from the witch!) and there was an excellent supply of chocolate biscuits!

Forgot to say, I was the only mum out of 8 who formula fed from birth and there was hardly any advice at all on bottle-feeding in the NCT classes. However, several mums switched pretty quickly to combi/bottle feeding. I think 4 or 5 had C-sections (unplanned) in the end. All babies fine and now thriving 10 year old!

Well, what people want and what they get are two different things much of the time because bodies and babies are not all that predictable. Though many first time parents dont realise this so maybe they will be a bit cultish about it.

In my NCT group over half of us had c sections, and I think the others all had assisted births. I breastfed but only 2 of us breastfed longer than a couple of weeks.

My NCT friend didn't breastfeed because she had a double mastectomy due ti carrying a gene that gave her a high risk if breastfeed cancer. She had lost her mum.and aunt to it. Out of 8 of us only two stuck breastfeeding fir more than a month. But those ladies got me through the longs newborn days of sleep deprevation, wondering if the colour if poo was normal etc. We are still all friends and the kids are too!

@Yerroblemom1923

Tbf you're probably right. From what I hear it's all hardcore breastfeeders and natural birthers. Those thay don't adhere to those rules are generally shunned.

I agree with this. I didn't even go to NCT but went to other classes the NCT mums did. When someone had a birth they told the story in the class. When I had my (very lovely, planned) section it was weirdly negative when I told my story and skipped over with a faux breezy "oh well, nevermind!" by the instructor.

NCT veteran here. I had two planned c-sections and one VB. Breastfed all my babies but really don't consider it my place to hold any opinion on what other people choose and why. Big mix of choices, in all three NCT groups I've been part of. Please do join - new mums need all the friends and support they can get. Big discount for mums on UC, if that's a factor. Good luck with your new baby x

We had information about bottle feeding, mostly about the technique and the angles etc. a brief bit on how to make them up, but were encouraged to look at the nhs advice - you can never take all the information in anyway. All of the NCT mums ebf, I did combi as had low supply and eventually had to do 100% formula. I never felt judged, after a few months it never came up again (in terms of milk feeding). It was then all about sleeping, introducing solids etc.

Thanks all for the replies. Definitely food for thought, I think you’ve persuaded me to give it a go! However, I’d never heard of bump to baby before, just did a google and they have one in my local city and there’s still spaces for the month we’d need to join so I think I’ll take the plunge and book that!

To be fair I probably am projecting somewhat. I actually don’t have any experience with babies or NCTs or anything like that but have been on mumsnet a good while and have seen many posts saying how people have felt alienated or bullied etc in their NCT groups. My friend also joined one when she was pregnant with her first and said hers was really cliquey and quite unpleasant so she’s put me off too

I’ll give the bump to baby a go and see how I get on!

Go to the free children's centres ones - they were much better than any of the classes I paid to attend

I think it will depend on the group. Give it a go.

We did an antenatal group that wasn't NCT. Meeting the group of other people was my main takeaway! Still see them now!
We didn't talk about our preferences around feeding during the classes, nor did we talk about our birth preferences!

My mum is still friends with the women she met at NCT when she was pregnant with me. I'm in my 30s. The children are mostly friends, and I think my mum found it a godsend to have people who were going through the same stage.

I'd go for it.

In my NCT group two formula fed and one bottle fed expressed milk. There was also one C-section and lots of inductions, epidurals and other interventions. The NCT has a natural childbirth and breastfeeding focus but you don't have to be like that to attend. I met up with my NCT group 2-3 times a week during my first maternity leave.

Depending on where you are, there may be other antenatal classes that reflect your views/opinions better. I disagree with the NCT on a number of things they push and managed to find a fab group led by a local midwife that laid out all of the options over 6 weeks in a local pub (good for the social aspect!). Absolutely invaluable for when things didn't work in the say they might have (I couldn't breastfeed, had a delivery that ended up being 2 epidurals/spinal block, episiotomy and forceps).

All these groups are really about is making friends and a support network for the first months whilst you are on mat leave. They are invaluable for that. 2.5 years on, I am really only in contact with one of my group.

I did an NCT postnatal course, I think it started when my dd was about 6 or 8 weeks old and lasted a few weeks. I don't know if they still do them, but it was great. As far as I remember there were different topics each week like sleep or weaning, and we'd get some info and the teacher would lead a discussion but guide us a bit. It was all a bit more realistic than the non-NCT antenatal weekend I did, because we actually had our babies at the postnatal course, so each week we'd have had real baby panic moments to discuss and it was really useful. I made some good friends too.

There was one woman in our NCT class who didn't want to breastfeed. The person leading the class was absolutely fine with this, and very understanding. However an "expert" came to do a slot on breastfeeding, and she was trying to push the woman to reconsider. After she left, it was actually one of the other dads who immediately said how appalling he thought she'd been on the issue. The leader was very embarrassed and apologetic, and hopefully fed back to the "expert" and the NCT generally about how negative that session had been.

All the others in the group were intending to breastfeed, but I think that (a) we all understood that it's not for everyone, and (b) being first time parents, we knew it might not work for us either. I think the woman concerned did feel supported by the rest of the group.

As someone said earlier, you might be able to skip a session which is focussed on breastfeeding. Ours was a Saturday/Sunday rather than several weekly sessions, though, so skipping a session wouldn't have worked, unless it was timetabled for the start or end of a day.

Depends entirely on the luck of the draw!
If you're not strapped for cash then it's worth a punt.
I'm still good friends with two of mine 12 years on.