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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be upset my dad smacked me as a child

238 replies

WonderingSally · 14/04/2022 21:42

I've always wondered how normal my childhood was. I was born in 1988, and can remember often being smacked as a child. Thinking about it I was a good kid, I got straight As, never got in trouble, head girl at school etc. But probably at least every 2/3 weeks I ended up with a smack for often stupid reasons - I don't remember most, but one that sticks out was drying my hair for too long, that kind of level of naughtiness. Always for things I'd done wrong around the house.

AIBU to think this wasn't normal even in the 90s? Or did smacking just happen in those days? I've always wondered what happened in other households but too scared to ask incase I find out my dad is definitely a dick

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/04/2022 23:07

There is a huge difference between a smack for being naughty and regular beating. I don't believe regular beating has ever been acceptable.
Smacking is no longer considered an acceptable form of discipline so it has pretty much died out. However I don't think we should make our parents feel guilty about smacking as they were following what was considered the correct and most effective way to deal with boundary crossing. If when your gcs are born the methods employed today are considered wrong or abusive in some way wont you all feel that you loved your kids and had done your best to use the preferences of the time?

5foot5 · 14/04/2022 23:10

@crackingreward

I was born in 76 and I was never smacked. My Nanna was born in 1930 and was never smacked. She never smacked her own. She could see it for what it was and both her and my great gran had a really forward thinking approach to raising their families. I think the 'it was of the time' Is a real cop out. People knew hitting children wasn't nice, and saying 'but it was common' is no excuse. I'm sorry but I disagree that it was simply generational.
I agree.

I was born in 1962 and I don't ever remember being smacked by either parent. I think they had both had fathers who were inclined to be heavy handed. In DFs case he was one of many boisterous and mischievous brothers so maybe his Dad, back in the 1920s, felt he had to maintain firm discipline. In DMs case I think her father was just a nasty bastard.

Anyway, whatever the reason, my DPs were clearly not great believers in hitting us.

Painiscrap · 14/04/2022 23:12

@WonderingSally My parents did smack me as a child, but only when I had done something wrong, which wasn’t often (unlike my db who was smacked several times a week). I didn’t resent them for it and always had a good relationship with them.

I also went to school when ‘the belt’ was still used. I never was belted (again my db was, regularly), but can remember one bast**d of a teacher, who loved to use it. Dependant on his mood, he would pick on pupils who had done very little wrong, and humiliate them in front of their peers! On my last day at school, I remember waiting until the bell had rung (meaning I was no longer a pupil) then told him he was a disgusting, horrible person (sounds quite childish now)!

Indoorcatmum · 14/04/2022 23:13

Regularly smacked with wooden spoon and I was born in 90's.

TikTokCat · 14/04/2022 23:14

I was smacked, threatened (bit not hit) with a belt - I hid it once and laughed Shock which did not go down well, given soap (liquid and bar) for language...
But actually I was a good girl. Completely disproportionate punishments

BigFatLiar · 14/04/2022 23:22

Born in 60s (OH 50s) and neither of us were hit by our parents. Don't think many of my friends were smacked either.
Did get the belt at school once.
I'm surprised so many were smacked here.

TheRussianDoll · 14/04/2022 23:29

I was born in 1962 so am old as the hills!!! 😊

I was walloped regularly with whatever was to hand (hairbrush/slippers/rolled up news paper) by my mum. I was a very naughty child apparently but because it was what people did then, it was “normal”.

I was, many years later, diagnosed with Aspergers.

XelaM · 14/04/2022 23:33

I was born in 85 and was definitely smacked as a child a few times (usually very deserved) but I adore my parents and we have a very strong relationship. I have had a wonderful childhood and they would literally do anything for me anf my brother. Smacking did not make them bad parents.

Camomila · 14/04/2022 23:34

I was smacked occasionally in the 90s, but only for particularly naughty/dangerous things (like sledging with my toddler brother down the stairs in a washing basket).

NeedAHoliday2021 · 14/04/2022 23:35

I was born in 82 and was smacked twice, both times for lying and I was being very naughty. When I had Dd df saw us doing the naughty step routine and was fairly negative about it but I was upstairs and Dd did something and I heard df put her on the step. He respectfully used our approach (which surprised me as he’s stubborn) and he did it properly. Afterwards he commented he was actually impressed how the technique worked as he always hated the discipline through fear but didn’t know another way.

DontStopMeNow7 · 14/04/2022 23:39

I was born in 1977 and until I was about 8 I was smacked several times. Not frequently but it hurt enough for me to still remember it. I don’t know if I learned to behave as I was required to, if my parents realised how emotionally sensitive I was or if they thought I might challenge them but it stopped around age 8.

I don’t agree with it though. It’s abusive but our parents just saw it as normal.
I smacked my daughter a couple of times..,late 90s. Felt so awful and guilty that I apologised to her and never did it again.

Helendee · 14/04/2022 23:39

I was born in 1964 and even now I can’t forgive my dad for threatening to force feed me when I was little.
I was a very disinterested eater and appreciate how much stress this must have caused my parents but I still remember the fear of my df telling me that he had built a machine in his shed that would tie me to a chair and force food down my throat. He threatened this on several occasions and it still bothers me now. How could my dad who was supposed to love me want to hurt me?
God I’m crying as I type this!

Phewthemutinyworked · 14/04/2022 23:44

I was born in 1963…we were never smacked. I do remember my mum giving me a slap as a teenager..am sure I deserved it!!

GrumpyTerrier · 14/04/2022 23:44

I was smacked now and then. Maybe 10 times in my life. It never hurt, and was more of a gesture when I'd done something really OTT. To be honest I think it did me good and made me a nicer person. I know it wont be a popular view but I believe without smacking and with only modern parenting techniques I would have grown up to be a little shit. It is definitely in me to be so, credit to my parents that Im not.

However it sounds like you were smacked for very small things which isnt ok at all.

RubyJam · 14/04/2022 23:45

@Sapphire387

I was smacked as a child. Occasionally. And for really bad misbehaviour. It has not damaged my relationship with my parents.

People are very anti-smacking on here, but I don't believe the world is black and white and that it is always wrong under every circumstance. But it is stories like yours that make people feel this way, I think, and not stories like mine.

I believe there is a world of difference between what I am describing, and what you are describing. I am not surprised you are still upset, because it sounds like you were punished with casual violence. And that is poor parenting, and I am sorry you were subjected to it.

I agree

I was brought up really well
I was smacked when I took some penny sweets from a shop and quite rightly thinking back
It scared me , I never done anything like that ever again

There is no fear factor nowadays

I love my mum and dad , we all have a great relationship with my grandkids etc , zero after effects of me being smacked in 1988

worriedatthistime · 15/04/2022 00:00

Born mid 70's prob smacked 3 times ever growing up wasn't something mine resorted to often
But i remember going to a friends party being about 7 and i guess all over excited and it was in her house and she was cheeky to her mum, they removed her from the room and you could here the smack and cry from the other room , then they just came back into the party as though nothing happened
I remember being really shocked as I know my mum would never of done such a thing. We might of got the glare if being rude in front of people and that was it.

Heartofglass12345 · 15/04/2022 00:06

I'm surprised at the amount of people who have had a slap and said they deserved it, would you be saying the same if you partner had slapped you because you were cheeky or said something nasty to them??

worriedatthistime · 15/04/2022 00:08

Most of my friends were smacked occasionally not all the time , the girls who party it was mum scared me at the time and I had another friend who dad used to hit her a lot and we recognised that as not normal as most of my other friends got the odd not hard smack every now and again and for serious things not silly things or just because

worriedatthistime · 15/04/2022 00:09

@Heartofglass12345 your thinking with todays mind though not with the mindset that was then and the parenting was done
We are adults we can rationalise this ourselves

crispsarny · 15/04/2022 00:13

@Yoohoo778611

Born in 1960 was smacked a lot. Also received the belt as dad had a short fuse. I remember going to school with thick strap bruises up my legs. I was 9. All because I didn't dry a plate properly. I went to a Catholic school but not one teacher showed any concern.
Sorry to you @Yoohoo778611 & everyone else here who suffered childhood abuse.

I also got the leather belt & regular beatings for not doing the washing up to perfection or quick enough, has left me with complex mental health difficulties that I’m trying to unpick, yesterdays therapy session was heavy going. My dad was a great big fucker, he’s been dead over 10 years & I’m still dealing with the aftermath of what that fucking shit inflicted on me.

IceTippedMountains · 15/04/2022 00:14

I was born early 1990s, I was smacked maybe a dozen times (max) in my whole childhood so it was only when I committed something seriously bad. My dad and mum were both physically punished as a child by his own father so its very inter-generational and even in the 90s there was still an acceptance of smacking.

It has not traumatised me (probably because it was not a regular occurance and you could say it was justified), however I would never smack my kids.

crackingreward · 15/04/2022 00:21

I was smacked when I took some penny sweets from a shop and quite rightly thinking back
It scared me , I never done anything like that ever again

There is no fear factor nowadays

Good. Children should r be frightened of their parents Sad

Maves · 15/04/2022 00:23

@hangrylady

Born 1979. My Dad never raised a gand to me. Mum used to do a comedy chasing me with a wooden spoon but we'd both end up laughing. The only time she ever hit me was a slap across the face when I was about 15. I deserved that slap.
We used to get beat with the wooden spoon 😂
CapMarvel · 15/04/2022 00:24

It might have been normal but it was never right.

I cannot imagine ever hitting my kids. Never. Only fucking arseholes do that.

Icequeen01 · 15/04/2022 01:07

@Yoohoo778611

Born in 1960 was smacked a lot. Also received the belt as dad had a short fuse. I remember going to school with thick strap bruises up my legs. I was 9. All because I didn't dry a plate properly. I went to a Catholic school but not one teacher showed any concern.
Exactly the same here except I was 5 or 6 when I remember going to school with the belt marks. It still makes me flinch when DH pulls his belt out quickly from his trousers! My dad also used to hit me round the face really hard and once hit me on the head with a paint roller when we started arguing when I was a teenager,

I have never hit my own child.