My mum is going to die

[user1496436814]

Posting for traffic. Cannot believe I’m writing this but my mum is very probably going to die today. I’m on my way to the hospital now. I have no idea what to do. Please can anyone offer any words of comfort? She’s my best friend and I feel so alone.

I’ll treasure the time I had with her. I couldn’t have been luckier

I'm so very sorry you're in this sad position, user1496436814, but that ^^ is an utter blessing and one not given to everyone; may it give you comfort in the days to come and turn the tears to happy smiles of remembrance

From the Hebrew: "Say not in grief that she is no more, but in thankfulness that she was"

I'm so sorry. I remember the feeling I had in February when my Mum's surgeon told me they hadn't done the operation planned because if what they found and that it was now about quality of life. I was literally floored and I'm older than you by a long way.

I hope you get some special time with her. At least we've been lucky to have had two more months (although she is deteriorating)

Take care. xx

I am so sorry OP

Tell her how much you love her, that it will be alight. Tell her everything is OK. If you are religious, or she is, tell her you will see her again.

My Mum died decades ago but I am so glad that I was with her when she was passing and I got to tell her how much she was loved.

I just wanted to add my love and best wishes to you. I lost my Mum when I was in my 20s. I'm in my 60s now and still think of her everyday but we had a lovely relationship as it sounds like you have. It will be absolutely terrible for a while and then you will gradually start to feel a little better. Thinking of you

I lost my mum 18 months ago, I was with her for her last three days and the hospital let me stay overnight with her (she was 67, she died of cancer but it was unexpected). I would say it was a privilege to look after her in her final hours - it was like caring for her, as she cared for me as a baby, stroking her hair, giving her sponges to suck, talking about all our old, happy memories, and reassuring her that she was safe. I don’t know if she could hear at the very end although she definitely knew I was there and spoke to me briefly when I walked in. I hadn’t seen her for a year due to Covid.

It’s a very personal time - death is a process rather than an event, hopefully the doctors can make her comfortable. I know I did the best for my mum at the end but it was very difficult. I am sending you all my love and strength xxx

My mum died at 69. It was very upsetting at the hospital. Just tell her everything you’ve ever wanted to say. hug her. I didn’t stay until she died as I had to go home and look after my children as my husband had left me. My biggest regret was that I didn’t stay. She died about 3am and getting that call from the hospital was so very sad. I’ve tried to absorb my mums strength as your mum would want you to be ok. Sending you lots of strength. I know this sounds odd but before the hospital rang I really felt her touch my forehead and say goodbye to me in my dreams

I'm so sorry for you. My mum died suddenly a couple of years ago. During covid lockdown.

I regret not hugging and kissing her. I thought I was keeping her safe. Tell her that you love her. Hold her hand.

I'm so sorry. I was with my DF and it felt and still feel surreal. Talk to her, be there.

Be kind to yourself always.

Sending lots of hugs OP, some wonderful words of wisdom on here

I hope your mum isn't in pain and sending you lots of love and strength - tell her all she means to you, hearing is the last sense to go

So very sorry. This is one of the hardest things you ever have to face. I’m sending you a massive hug. Your love for your mum and hers for you will sustain you. 💐

@Lentil63

Just hold her hand and tell her what she means to you. Hearing is the last sense to go. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

Perfectly put....

I am so sorry OP.

When my dad was dying, in what I knew was our last contact, I smiled. It wasn't easy but he'd have wanted to see that and to know I would be okay. And I held him, very carefully, of course.

She might need you to leave the room so she can slip away. Do give her that permission, if she needs it.

The love stays even after the person is gone.

@user1496436814
It’s never easy to know what to do.
Just be yourself.
There may be a wordless communication between you.
Speak to her gently, it is said out hearing is the last sense to go before we cross over.

So many emotions come bubbling to the surface at times of great change like this.

@Hugasauras post is wise as well as beautiful.

I didn't get to the hospital in time to be with my dad. Missed it by 40 mins. But he was alone in a room and when I got there, so i tried to make peace with that lost 40 minutes. My dad was a christian so I asked for a bible and read him a couple of passages and then I just sat and felt him around me as hard as I could. I held his hand an smelled him and just tried to absorb as much of him as I could.

And then I told him how much I loved him, what a wonderful dad he had been and that it was goodbye for now only.

And now, in times of need, i refer to him and I still hear his voice loud and clear without fail.

You'll get through this OP

I lost my mum in my 20s - a long time ago now . If I could have been there I would have said how much I loved her. I hope she knew. Having a loving mum is a great gift - not something everyone has. All those memories of what she was will comfort you. 💐

Thinking of you at such a sad time
Hope you get to spend some precious time together tonight

@HangingOver

You poor thing. Hold her hand and reassure her. I wasn't sure how much my DM could hear so I didn't wanted to say "goodbye" in case she got frightened. I just said "it's all ok, you're safe, I'm here". Xxx

That's lovely ❤️

@Hugasauras. That really gave me pause for thought. I was very 'need to xyz'. I wish I'd taken more quiet time, god forbid I'm in that situation again, I'll think of that & take my time.

@user1496436814 (((HUG))) I'm so very sorry you're in this situation. I hope you get there in time to tell her you love her & to say all the other things you want to. If you don't, tell her anyway. Do whatever feels right, don't give any head space about what the 'right' thing to do is. Talk to her, remember some of the things you laughed about together.

She will always be with you ❤️

I am so very sorry.

Sending heartfelt love to you during this extremely difficult time.

@LexieB

My mum died at 69. It was very upsetting at the hospital. Just tell her everything you’ve ever wanted to say. hug her. I didn’t stay until she died as I had to go home and look after my children as my husband had left me. My biggest regret was that I didn’t stay. She died about 3am and getting that call from the hospital was so very sad. I’ve tried to absorb my mums strength as your mum would want you to be ok. Sending you lots of strength. I know this sounds odd but before the hospital rang I really felt her touch my forehead and say goodbye to me in my dreams

@LexieB

I was at hospital for several days before my relative died. Ward staff told me it's common for someone to die after you've left, as if they've waited to go alone. So please don't feel bad that you weren't there at the very end

Thinking of you

I'm so sorry, we're here for you.

Tell her everything you want to say, whether it's rambling or just a few words. There's no way to make it easier so do what feels right or natural. If nothing else feels natural, sit in silence and peace with her.

Thinking of you both

Bless you OP, I've been there too. Death isn't always beautiful and peaceful, but however it is, in the end it is a release .