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Original poster

DP upset at me for not looking after myself

322 replies

CoralieBoralie · 14/04/2022 00:03

have just had a fight (me crying) with DP in the kitchen. He had been quiet and I knew something was wrong so I asked straight out. He says it stems from him coming back to find me passed out on our bed in my clothes after a a glass of wine. I was dead tired anyway, so only one wine on top of that floored me - though he woke me up just by opening the bedroom door, and I'm certain I would have heard DD yelling through her monitor. Anyway - he says he's worried because I don't look after myself, listing bad diet (we eat healthy meals every night, and I love fruit, but I seldom have breakfast and my lunch is usually horrible like a bag beef hula hoops 😬) and no exercise. It's true, the only exercise I do is biweekly 40 minute round trip walking to pick up DD from nursery, and then obviously running after her (she's 2) when I'm not at work 3.5 days, taking her walks all over town etc.
I wish I wasn't so defensive, but it just felt a bit unfair.
As I said, I totally get the lunch stuff, but his voice of doom way of putting it really doesn't help

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 14/04/2022 15:16

Haven't read the full thread but it might be worth a blood test to check for anaemia.

Diet and exercise aren't just (or even mainly) about weight management. They are fundamental to almost every aspect of health. You seem reasonably active though if you walk a lot and swim?

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:17

Yes but also that she cooks 5/7
So could have been on one of be two!

theleafandnotthetree · 14/04/2022 15:19

@Sortilege

Does he think he’s your mum?

How is lecturing you until you cry going to help?

If you’re exhausted and craving carbs it’s because of that small loud person who moved in with you both.

So 2+ years after having one child, that's still an excuse to eat poorly and get no exercise? Come on. The OP can eat and exercise/not exercise as she wishes but to blame her habits on being the part-time working parent of one child is plainly ridiculous. Not that I think she is doing that necessarily, just some posters falling all over themselves to make sure no woman could ever be in the wrong and that if things are suboptimal it can only be because her husband is an unsupportive controlling dickhead.
ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 15:19

@Heythere13

Yes but also that she cooks 5/7 So could have been on one of be two!
I’m assuming her partner cooks the other 2/7, not that she just doesn’t eat!
MyCatIsAJerk · 14/04/2022 15:19

Start referring to him as “Mr. Wonderful” whenever you have to talk - or whatever you have to refer to him to your DC and his/your families.

“Mr. Wonderful has gone to the shops.”
“Mr. Wonderful has taken the children out.”
“Mr. Wonderful, would you like tea now?”

You get the picture .

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:20

Ok so that was an assumption

I asked because for what had actually happened that night re the meal

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:21

@MyCatIsAJerk

Start referring to him as “Mr. Wonderful” whenever you have to talk - or whatever you have to refer to him to your DC and his/your families.

“Mr. Wonderful has gone to the shops.”
“Mr. Wonderful has taken the children out.”
“Mr. Wonderful, would you like tea now?”

You get the picture .

Why would the OP want to actively cause marriage problems and create a horrible and tense atmosphere for herself and her child?
ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 15:21

So 2+ years after having one child, that's still an excuse to eat poorly and get no exercise?

She doesn’t need an excuse to eat poorly and get no exercise, it’s her choice.
I eat poorly too… I don’t excuse it, it’s just what it is. I have a healthy meal every evening but in the day time I just can’t be bothered. It doesn’t affect anyone else.

ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 15:23

@Heythere13

Ok so that was an assumption

I asked because for what had actually happened that night re the meal

I made that assumption because she said she has a healthy meal every evening and cooks 5 nights out of 7. Logically, that means someone else cooks the other 2/7, as she said she has a healthy meal every evening.
theleafandnotthetree · 14/04/2022 15:31

@ReadyToMoveIt

So 2+ years after having one child, that's still an excuse to eat poorly and get no exercise?

She doesn’t need an excuse to eat poorly and get no exercise, it’s her choice.
I eat poorly too… I don’t excuse it, it’s just what it is. I have a healthy meal every evening but in the day time I just can’t be bothered. It doesn’t affect anyone else.

I agree! It is her choice and she need make no excuse. But it is not necessarily the fault of someone else as some others here have implied. It is mostly others who are making excuses based on fairly flimsy grounds.
Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:31

Yes
Your assumption!

I was interested in OP’s clarity rather than another posters assumption

CorsicaDreaming · 14/04/2022 15:35

@CoralieBoralie

Cracking open a pack of hula hoops in honour of the very persistent meals poster 😋
👍🤣

I will see your Hula hoops and raise you a box of cheese straws and a bottle of Ginger kefir (I kid you not 🤣)

CorsicaDreaming · 14/04/2022 15:44

No, I tell a lie, it's kombucha 🙄

Look at me getting my kefir mixed up with kombucha. Don't know nuffink, me.

Definitely cheese straws though (not Hula Hoops - although I prefer the classic ready salted ones to beef, myself 😜)

thewreckofthehesperus · 14/04/2022 15:46

If you woke up when he opened the bedroom door then you weren't 'passed out' I would more worry that hes trying to frame it as such rather than you were tired and fell asleep on your bed in your clothes. I mean it's one glass of wine, talk about catastrophising! This would be a non event in our house. If you woke to the sound of a door opening you would've woken to the sound of your 2 year old crying. It's hardly social services worthy, Child sleeps in cot while mother naps on bed with monitor on Hmm

Only you know your partner here so is he projecting and gaslighting you here or is his health anxiety spiking?
Either way I would class this as more of his issue than yours, should you be eating more frequently, probably. Including a healthier light lunch is going to be better for you than just eating one meal a day and then snacking. However if you're not massively under/over weight I really think he's over reacting here. Also you're getting two periods of proper exercise in per week and I assume running around after an active 2 year old so prob getting more exercise than a lot of people.

ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 15:50

@Heythere13

Yes Your assumption!

I was interested in OP’s clarity rather than another posters assumption

An assumption based on what the OP clearly said 😂. Anyway, off to eat my bbq hula hoops with a glass of wine!
Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:55

But not interested in other posters “assumptions”! Grin

Sortilege · 14/04/2022 15:59

So 2+ years after having one child, that's still an excuse to eat poorly and get no exercise? Come on. The OP can eat and exercise/not exercise as she wishes but to blame her habits on being the part-time working parent of one child is plainly ridiculous. Not that I think she is doing that necessarily, just some posters falling all over themselves to make sure no woman could ever be in the wrong and that if things are suboptimal it can only be because her husband is an unsupportive controlling dickhead.

Well something is wrong if she is so shattered after one glass of wine that she’s passing out dressed, so my money is on a lack of help with the toddler. Which translates to toddler + “unsupportive dickhead”.

rookiemere · 14/04/2022 16:05

Really so the absolute only assumption one jumps to reading this thread is that it is the DHs fault?
I mean I read it and thought disordered eating habit, possibly verging on an eating disorder , but sure must be the DHs responsibility.

Octomore · 14/04/2022 16:13

@MyCatIsAJerk

Start referring to him as “Mr. Wonderful” whenever you have to talk - or whatever you have to refer to him to your DC and his/your families.

“Mr. Wonderful has gone to the shops.”
“Mr. Wonderful has taken the children out.”
“Mr. Wonderful, would you like tea now?”

You get the picture .

This is excellent advice.

If you want to kill your marriage stone dead.

godmum56 · 14/04/2022 16:27

@LuckySantangelo35
"Ok ok Saint @godmum56

She had a glass while her daughter was in her cot asleep and the problem with that is….what exactly??"

I am not sure what is saintly about not drinking wine if you are already "dead tired" and you know the wine will make you even sleepier AND you have a care responsibility.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 14/04/2022 16:30

Well something is wrong if she is so shattered after one glass of wine that she’s passing out dressed, so my money is on a lack of help with the toddler

Which translates to toddler + “unsupportive dickhead”.

It could also translate to “drinking problem” and o/p minimising.

Or “eating disorder” and o/p in denial.

Nobody knows, only the o/p.

ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 16:51

@Heythere13

But not interested in other posters “assumptions”! Grin
I could assume you’re a pedantic bully, but that would just be an assumption too Smile. The OP has now clarified that she did, in fact, eat a healthy meal that night (which was fairly obvious really as she’d said earlier on that she eats a healthy meal every night), so we can stop bickering about it now.
ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 16:52

@rookiemere

Really so the absolute only assumption one jumps to reading this thread is that it is the DHs fault? I mean I read it and thought disordered eating habit, possibly verging on an eating disorder , but sure must be the DHs responsibility.
I barely eat all day. Can’t be bothered. It’s not DH’s fault… he’s at work, how could it be? I’m just lazy.
PeachesToday · 14/04/2022 17:08

YANBU - He's meant to be your partner.. a support. Why is he bullying you?

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 17:11

Good to have the clarity. From the OP! Grin

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