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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP upset at me for not looking after myself

322 replies

CoralieBoralie · 14/04/2022 00:03

have just had a fight (me crying) with DP in the kitchen. He had been quiet and I knew something was wrong so I asked straight out. He says it stems from him coming back to find me passed out on our bed in my clothes after a a glass of wine. I was dead tired anyway, so only one wine on top of that floored me - though he woke me up just by opening the bedroom door, and I'm certain I would have heard DD yelling through her monitor. Anyway - he says he's worried because I don't look after myself, listing bad diet (we eat healthy meals every night, and I love fruit, but I seldom have breakfast and my lunch is usually horrible like a bag beef hula hoops 😬) and no exercise. It's true, the only exercise I do is biweekly 40 minute round trip walking to pick up DD from nursery, and then obviously running after her (she's 2) when I'm not at work 3.5 days, taking her walks all over town etc.
I wish I wasn't so defensive, but it just felt a bit unfair.
As I said, I totally get the lunch stuff, but his voice of doom way of putting it really doesn't help

OP posts:
Nomoreusernames1244 · 14/04/2022 13:58

In my experience, these conversations 100% of the time have been to distract from watching them too closely, make you feel like you're lucky they are with you etc

In my experience, anyone claiming “just one glass of wine” caused them to pass out fully clothes on the bed, has had significantly more than one glass and are minimising/in denial about their alcohol intake.

Crystalvas · 14/04/2022 14:14

@heartofgrass

Why do people keep changing what OP said? She didn’t say she fell asleep.

Or my favourite "she dozed off" aww how sweet. No, she passed out! HER WORDS!

Oh FFS iv fell asleep on the couch after one glass of wine after dinner cos im so exhausted after looking after the DC. Dosn’t make you anything but an exausted mum. He needs to get a grip.
LuckySantangelo35 · 14/04/2022 14:19

@heartofgrass
Alright, who made you the alcohol police

Crystalvas · 14/04/2022 14:25

@heartofgrass

Why do people keep changing what OP said? She didn’t say she fell asleep.

Or my favourite "she dozed off" aww how sweet. No, she passed out! HER WORDS!

Passed out means falling asleep. Why you creating drama? Shes a mum who fell asleep after a looking after the DC after a glass of wine. Iv fell asleep on the couch with and without alcohol cos guess what caring for DC is exhausting.
CorsicaDreaming · 14/04/2022 14:29

@CoralieBoralie

Ok so short term fasting is now believed to be really good for you. And the latest on achieving that is stopping eating after evening meal and not eating until lunch around 14-16 hours later

www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/health-benefits-fasting

Give yourself a big health tick for your breakfast skipping! ✅

Swap out the beef Hula Hoops (lol!) for humous and wholemeal pitta in the summer with a couple of chunks of cucumber, a carrot, or apple for lunch - and that's another health tick for little more effort than opening a pack of crisps.
Or batch make home made soup for whole week and portion it up. Or just buy nice soups and use over two days

Supper sounds fine and healthy...

A glass of wine (as long as it's not a pint glass...) sounds fine.

I think you are doing fine.

Toddlers are knackering.

GPs actually have the abbreviation TATT for "tired all the time" for their medical notes. A friend of mine went to see her GP when hers were both under 5, complaining of being TATT. He just said well of course you are, you've got two preschool children!

Although agree with PP that worth getting a blood screening done at gp to rule out iron deficiency or other reasons.

I only had one DS and felt constantly knackered when he was that age.

I do think your DP needs to lighten up and give you a break really

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 14:35

To be fair

The OP states “passed out”

When you doze off in front of TV after a glass of wine, would you honestly describe yourself as being “passed out” unless you actually thought that?

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 14:37

Who cooks the one healthy meal you have in the evening op?

Original poster
CoralieBoralie · 14/04/2022 14:41

I already said that I cook 5 out of 7 nights Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
CoralieBoralie · 14/04/2022 14:43

@CorsicaDreaming Thank you!! Yes, I must prise myself away from the beef hula hoops I guess...I love them so

OP posts:
Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 14:43

And on that night
Had you cooked your one healthy meal of the day and eaten it?

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 14:44

I find it interesting that you think posters might be jealous of fact that you have not put on weight

I can’t understand why you would possibly think you would put on weight given what you’re eating and fact you’re doing such little exercise means you’re never building up any kind of appetite

Original poster
CoralieBoralie · 14/04/2022 14:57

I don't think people will be jealous, it just somehow sounds a bit annoying to say I 'pinged back' or whatever, when others might have had a harder time.

I'm sorry, why are you fixated on this meal? I cooked it because my partner needed to leave for football

OP posts:
CorsicaDreaming · 14/04/2022 15:00

[quote CoralieBoralie]@CorsicaDreaming Thank you!! Yes, I must prise myself away from the beef hula hoops I guess...I love them so[/quote]
@CoralieBoralie
I'm eating a packet of cheese straws at the moment, so I can't really preach to be honest 😆

whynotwhatknot · 14/04/2022 15:00

she was asleep at ten o clock big deal hasnt anyone been so tired when they lie down they fall asleep

whynotwhatknot · 14/04/2022 15:02

@Nomoreusernames1244

In my experience, these conversations 100% of the time have been to distract from watching them too closely, make you feel like you're lucky they are with you etc

In my experience, anyone claiming “just one glass of wine” caused them to pass out fully clothes on the bed, has had significantly more than one glass and are minimising/in denial about their alcohol intake.

at 10pm?
Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:04

@CoralieBoralie

I don't think people will be jealous, it just somehow sounds a bit annoying to say I 'pinged back' or whatever, when others might have had a harder time.

I'm sorry, why are you fixated on this meal? I cooked it because my partner needed to leave for football

Why am Fixated on the ONE meal you have a day?

I suggest that it’s something perhaps you should be a bit more “fixated” about if you want to be able to move more during the day. As your exercise is non existent and that may be due to fact that you just have a bag of beef hula hoops to energise you

CorsicaDreaming · 14/04/2022 15:06

@Heythere13 - I think you should just drop it and stop posting on this thread - you really are being very unhelpful and a bit bullying to be honest.

Go and drink a nice bottle of kefir and make yourself a super nutritious snack - and feel super healthy 🙃

Sortilege · 14/04/2022 15:07

Does he think he’s your mum?

How is lecturing you until you cry going to help?

If you’re exhausted and craving carbs it’s because of that small loud person who moved in with you both.

ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 15:08

@Heythere13

And on that night Had you cooked your one healthy meal of the day and eaten it?
Why does that matter?!

I don’t think being asleep at 10pm after one class of wine classes as being ‘passed out’, it sounds like you were just tired and fell asleep!
My diet is similar to yours OP. I barely eat in the day then have a healthy evening meal. I’m also often tired in the evenings with a job and 3 young DC. DH tries his best to give me time to myself to do things like go for a swim/sauna etc, otherwise he doesn’t comment on my eating habits!

DogsAndGin · 14/04/2022 15:10

I haven’t voted either way. It sounds like DH has not addressed this with kindness. However, for your own benefit, you need to sort your diet and exercise out OP for a happier and healthier life Daffodil hula hoops aren't lunch

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:10

[quote CorsicaDreaming]@Heythere13 - I think you should just drop it and stop posting on this thread - you really are being very unhelpful and a bit bullying to be honest.

Go and drink a nice bottle of kefir and make yourself a super nutritious snack - and feel super healthy 🙃[/quote]
Is that your partner said to you?
If not, at least you know what you do need to do to improve your diet
Good luck

Original poster
CoralieBoralie · 14/04/2022 15:10

Cracking open a pack of hula hoops in honour of the very persistent meals poster 😋

OP posts:
Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:11

@ReadyToMoveIt

It was relevant because if the op hadnt eaten dinner then it meant that all day she’s just had a bag of crisps

So then having a glass of wine… yes, you probably would “feel” it!

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 15:13

@CoralieBoralie

Cracking open a pack of hula hoops in honour of the very persistent meals poster 😋
Maybe wise to bin the packaging in your neighbour’s outside bin!
ReadyToMoveIt · 14/04/2022 15:14

[quote Heythere13]@ReadyToMoveIt

It was relevant because if the op hadnt eaten dinner then it meant that all day she’s just had a bag of crisps

So then having a glass of wine… yes, you probably would “feel” it![/quote]
But she’d said she eats a healthy meal every evening, so why would that one have been an exception?