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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He called me a c*nt and broke my door

138 replies

indigobluess · 13/04/2022 21:15

DP and I don't live together.

I own a business that he is involved in and we had a disagreement about it on Saturday. I told him that I was annoyed and was no longer prepared to have the conversation. I was getting upset and did not like his tone of voice. I asked for him to stop talking at me but he didn't.

I went on my phone and was carolling whilst he was repeating the same thing over and over. He felt that I was disrespectful by doing this. He got up, called me a cunt, slammed my door so hard the door handle fell off and left. We didn't speak at all until today.

He has mentioned in the past that I look disinterested during arguments, e.g. look at my nails. I was engaged in the conversation and maintaining eye contact until I felt it escalating and decided to disengage.

Today, he called me and said he isn't sorry for calling me a cunt or slamming the door and that he wants me to be remorseful and apologise for disrespecting him. His reasoning for the name he called me and slamming the door was because he felt disrespected (in a way he has felt disrespected in the past).

He says he loves me less than he did a week ago and that if he didn't react how he did, his anger would have manifested in pent up anger and resentment towards me. He still wants to be together and asks if I do to. I don't know. I haven't apologised yet.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 13/04/2022 21:21

He sounds like a bloody teenager, slamming doors and moaning that you “disrespected” him. Why would you want to be with someone who calls you a cunt? Why would he want to be with someone he thinks is a cunt? It all sounds toxic.

Also, the “I love you less than I did” is a red flag.

Palegreenstars · 13/04/2022 21:21

I think if you stay with this violent man you will regret it for the rest of your life

Original poster
indigobluess · 13/04/2022 21:23

He said he shouldn't have called me a cunt, but that I was being "cuntish".

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/04/2022 21:24

How easy will it be to get him out of your business?

Googlecanthelpme · 13/04/2022 21:25

He sounds awful.
Thank god you don’t live together.
The answer should be “no I don’t want to be with you, thank you and goodnignt” then block that arsehole.

MrsTWH · 13/04/2022 21:25

Yeah he would no longer be my “D”P.

LittleOwl153 · 13/04/2022 21:26

He's testing you. Accept this behaviour and it will escalate. Violence is never the answer.

Personally I would split and disentangle him from the business ASAP if at all possible.

A580Hojas · 13/04/2022 21:26

What is your AIBU? You don't need to maintain a relationship with someone you have terrible arguments with. You can leave him.

amicissimma · 13/04/2022 21:26

Who needs such aggro?

Give him the heave-ho, uninvolve him from your business and enjoy a more peaceful life. Let someone else provide the respect he desires.

Whatsmyname100 · 13/04/2022 21:28

What don't you know?

You must know that the only thing you should be doing is leaving him asap. you don't need to ask.

Chickychoccyegg · 13/04/2022 21:29

For god sake, do not apologise to this idiot, what the hell are you supposed to be apologising for? Tell him no you don't want to be with a violent dick head!!
Give him a warning about his job too, you are his boss I take it, as owner of the business? tell him to mind his own business or find a new job.

Mum2jenny · 13/04/2022 21:30

I’d try to ditch him as soon as possible.

But if you are involved in business together is that possible? Is it a limited company? What are your business involvement with him? You do need to get rid of the business connection going forward asap.

FOJN · 13/04/2022 21:31

His reasoning for the name he called me and slamming the door was because he felt disrespected (in a way he has felt disrespected in the past).

"Look what you made me do."

Agree with PP, it will escalate.

He's warned you who he is, get rid of him.

Goawayquickly · 13/04/2022 21:35

Hi is a violent man so you need to end this relationship without delay. Nothing to discuss is there?

Neverreturntoathread · 13/04/2022 21:36

So he doesn’t have self-control, is violent towards property, and blames you for it all.

This will only get worse OP. I hope you end this before you get hurt.

The chances of a happy life with this man are zero.

Original poster
indigobluess · 13/04/2022 21:37

My AIBU is, AIBU as I was rude to look on my phone whilst he was talking to me, which has upset him in the past? I don't know if the reacted was warranted or if I should have some understanding.

He says he owns what he did and does not blame me, he was just explaining what got him to that point.

OP posts:
Thumpkin · 13/04/2022 21:39

He has no control over his anger and demands respect then gets violent when he feels he isn’t getting it. He sees nothing wrong with his behaviour and regrets nothing. Leave him and don’t look back.

knowinglesseveryday · 13/04/2022 21:40

Depends why you did it. Either you got bored (unreasonable) or you felt uncomfortable and disengaged (reasonable) .

nocoolnamesleft · 13/04/2022 21:40

He says he loves me less than he did a week ago and that if he didn't react how he did, his anger would have manifested in pent up anger and resentment towards me.

That sounds rather threatening. Which, especially given his lack of control and violence to objects, is extremely worrying. And he's blaming it all on you. The red flags are waving. You deserve better than him.

Thumpkin · 13/04/2022 21:41

You posted that he isn’t sorry for calling you a cunt of breaking your door and then posted that he owns what he did. No he doesn’t.

lemongreentea · 13/04/2022 21:42

@Palegreenstars

I think if you stay with this violent man you will regret it for the rest of your life
This.

Get rid of this violent loser who will one day try to end your life.

Saltyquiche · 13/04/2022 21:42

He failed to read the room, you felt he was becoming heightened and disengaged to try and cool things.

minou123 · 13/04/2022 21:44

Well isnt he a Prince?
He calls you cunt, slams doors, tells you it's your fault because otherwise he would get angry and resent you, and he loves you less than last week.

To top it all off, he has the absolute fuckery audacity to declare he still wants to be with you.
I mean, who wouldn't resist this charming specimen of a man?

Seriously, we all have arguments with our partners.

The decision you need to make is, is this behaviour acceptable to you? Are you prepared to deal with this again, if he does the same thing again?

Personally, if it was me, I'd raise my standards and look for someone who, even in a disagreement, doesnt call me a cunt.

pointythings · 13/04/2022 21:45

Men who demand 'respect' seldom deserve it.

Avoiding eye contact during conflict is a natural and instinctive coping strategy when you are feeling threatened.

Disentangle this man from your business and from your life.

Underfrighter · 13/04/2022 21:46

If you were in the middle of a discussion and started just looking at your phone yeah thats rude (not justification for calling you a cunt though)
However if he is just getting angry and not letting you get a word in and not listening and repeating himself and you say you dont want to have this discussion now (but are willing to talk it through another time when everyone is calm) then that's perfectly reasonable and really why would he want you just to sit and stare at him while he yells at you, what does that achieve?