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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He called me a c*nt and broke my door

138 replies

indigobluess · 13/04/2022 21:15

DP and I don't live together.

I own a business that he is involved in and we had a disagreement about it on Saturday. I told him that I was annoyed and was no longer prepared to have the conversation. I was getting upset and did not like his tone of voice. I asked for him to stop talking at me but he didn't.

I went on my phone and was carolling whilst he was repeating the same thing over and over. He felt that I was disrespectful by doing this. He got up, called me a cunt, slammed my door so hard the door handle fell off and left. We didn't speak at all until today.

He has mentioned in the past that I look disinterested during arguments, e.g. look at my nails. I was engaged in the conversation and maintaining eye contact until I felt it escalating and decided to disengage.

Today, he called me and said he isn't sorry for calling me a cunt or slamming the door and that he wants me to be remorseful and apologise for disrespecting him. His reasoning for the name he called me and slamming the door was because he felt disrespected (in a way he has felt disrespected in the past).

He says he loves me less than he did a week ago and that if he didn't react how he did, his anger would have manifested in pent up anger and resentment towards me. He still wants to be together and asks if I do to. I don't know. I haven't apologised yet.

AIBU?

OP posts:

StopStartStop · 13/04/2022 21:46

A wonderful opportunity to see the back of him. He contacted you so you could apologise, not because he regretted his behaviour? Bye, mate!

As others have said, he's aggressive. The more tied to him you are, the worse he will get. Escape now.

Saltyquiche · 13/04/2022 21:46

It sounds like he didn’t want to respect your boundaries around ending a heated argument. End it due to a lack or respect.

namechangeranonymouse · 13/04/2022 21:47

I think it was rude to look at your phone or nails when someone is talking to you, just like eyerolling is. However that doesn't excuse his behaviour one little bit. I think it's a huge red flag when a man says someone is disrespecting him because it assumes you (the lesser being) owe him respect even if he is not showing you respect.

Mooshering · 13/04/2022 21:56

If he's a stroppy child that considers slamming doors and shouting as "a conversation" I wouldn't dignify his bullshit by listening either.

In the bin OP.

LittleOwl153 · 13/04/2022 21:57

Has he offered to cover the costs of mending the door? I doubt it! He is expecting you to roll over and accept that it's your fault... Next time he will go bigger...

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 13/04/2022 21:59

How has he owned what he did if he called you names and has not apologized? Does not compute.

Original poster

indigobluess · 13/04/2022 22:01

He has offered to pay for breaking the door, but that he isn't sorry.

He can't understand where I am coming from. He thinks I am the villain

OP posts:

Bobbybobbins · 13/04/2022 22:01

He is testing to see how far he can push you. He may go further next time. He is showing you who he is! Seems he wants you to 'earn back' his love and respect.

Whatsmyname100 · 13/04/2022 22:03

@indigobluess

My AIBU is, AIBU as I was rude to look on my phone whilst he was talking to me, which has upset him in the past? I don't know if the reacted was warranted or if I should have some understanding.

He says he owns what he did and does not blame me, he was just explaining what got him to that point.

If you are asking such a question then you should not be in a relationship as you have no idea of what a healthy relationship is. It should be unacceptable to you under any circumstances to be called that name and someone being aggressive to such an extent. If that doesn't immediately want you to send him packing, then it's concerning. Break up with him, work on yourself and build healthy boundaries before entering in a relationship.

DreamingofTimbuktu · 13/04/2022 22:05

This time he slams a door, next time he hits you because you “disrespected” him.

Don’t let there be a next time, walk away please.

Whatsmyname100 · 13/04/2022 22:05

@indigobluess

He has offered to pay for breaking the door, but that he isn't sorry.

He can't understand where I am coming from. He thinks I am the villain

Why are you entertaining him? Unless you want to be with him and hoping someone here says it was a misunderstanding?

WonderfulYou · 13/04/2022 22:05

Sounds like this relationship doesn’t work.

The swearing or you looking at your nails is irrelevant really as you were already arguing.

Of course couples do argue but it doesn’t escalate and it sounds like you argue quite regularly.

It actually doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. It sounds like both of you were in the wrong anyway.
I think it’s time to really think about where this relationship is going and if you want to live the rest of your life with this person.

WonderfulYou · 13/04/2022 22:07

Also I do think it’s very rude to look at your phone whilst you’re meant to be having a discussion, especially a heated one.

It also sounds like he slammed the door but didn’t intentionally break it which isn’t a big deal in itself.

But the entire thing and the fact this has happened multiple times is a big deal.

underneaththeash · 13/04/2022 22:07

He’s clearly wrong. Why stress? Sounds like a boyfriend so just end it.

ThinWomansBrain · 13/04/2022 22:08

p45 time

ineedsun · 13/04/2022 22:09

Yes it’s rude to start checking your phone / looking disinterested but that doesn’t warrant his response

Ohyesiam · 13/04/2022 22:09

He doesn’t think you are the villain. It suits him to have you feel like a villain. It’s not an opinion of his it’sa technique to manipulate you.

LexMitior · 13/04/2022 22:10

@indigobluess

He has offered to pay for breaking the door, but that he isn't sorry.

He can't understand where I am coming from. He thinks I am the villain

don't fall for this, he thinks you are stupid. He can call you a cunt, break your door, and see if you accept some blame for not respecting him. Seriously, he's a very bad person and you need to get rid of this guy asap.

MojoJojo71 · 13/04/2022 22:13

You mean ex DP right?

Don’t wait for an apology, don’t engage with him at all, just dump him. Life is too short to waste on this bellend.

Muddybooots · 13/04/2022 22:13

Please leave this man. This is not acceptable. I guarantee you that if you stay with him it will escalate until you lose all sense of yourself. And take care when you are leaving him - make sure you tell friends and/or family what is happening. I can tell you from bitter experience that despicable men like this do not take kindly to being dumped. But once you are free, there is no looking back.

GrazingSheep · 13/04/2022 22:15

At least you don’t seem to have children with him. Thank goodness for small mercies.

CinstonWhurchill · 13/04/2022 22:16

"I went on my phone and was carolling".

Sorry what does carolling mean in this context ?

Original poster

indigobluess · 13/04/2022 22:16

@CinstonWhurchill

"I went on my phone and was carolling".

Sorry what does carolling mean in this context ?

Sorry, I meant scrolling.

OP posts:

AdoraBell · 13/04/2022 22:17

Get rid.

What is his involvement with your business, can you remove him?

ButtockUp · 13/04/2022 22:17

He was being absolutely brutish.
But why would you stare at your nails/phone while he's talking to you?

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